Pop’s POV: How Accountability Raises Better Children, and Here’s How I Got There

Always show up in the way that your children need you to present yourself. Accountability in parenthood is such a challenging aspect for many parents — understandably. From your perspective, you are doing the absolute best by your standards, but then there’s that intention versus impact. There are not any guidelines that detail the “right” way to parent, but I believe our children serve as our manual on how to parent them individually. While parenting, many of us tend to rear our children through our own lenses, without consideration of the child or what they need at that moment — instead of what we believe they need. Imagine going to a restaurant to order chicken and the waiter decides a vegetarian option is better — that would cause some unrest, right?

Perfection in correlation to parenthood is not realistic. There will be times when we fall short, but our actions immediately following our shortfall make all the difference. In my experience as a child to my parents, I was not permitted to address my parents’ shortcomings regarding how their actions impacted me, despite their intentions. Consequently, there was a long-term rift in our relationship due to a lack of accountability and how certain choices affected me. However, I believe my experience encouraged development and resilience — but at what expense? In parenting my own children, I am possibly overly conscious of how I was parented and ensuring that I take a different approach. My children are still fairly young, but how my actions affect them is always at the forefront of my mind when navigating life with them. It is best to address issues promptly, because once damage is done, it is very challenging to recover. There is much more work required for the parent to repair the damaged link in the chain, despite reconciliation and acknowledgment after a significant amount of time has passed.

My goal is to lead by example by being an accountable parent to my children. Children are like blank canvases, and they do not know what we do not teach them. Modeling the behavior we would like them to exhibit is crucial in developing accountable people. In the moments that I am short-tempered, I try to immediately identify it and apologize to my children, being that my behavior or response is no fault of their own. I heavily depend on communication as a means to acknowledge mistakes and the ability to recover from them. By being an accountable parent and integrating model behaviors, I believe this will curate the foundation for a successful child-parent relationship and the development of a future accountable adult.

Accountability does not always feel good, but leaning into it is most important for the greater good of your relationship with your children. There will come a time when your children no longer need you and have the option to choose you… or not.

Here are five resources to assist with accountability and how it relates to parenthood:

1. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

2. Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

This essential guide by clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson offers daily, practical ways to help you heal the invisible wounds caused by immature parents, nurture self-awareness, trust your emotions, improve relationships, and stop putting others’ needs ahead of your own.

3. The Power of Accountability in Parenting

Dr. Rini Mathai explores the parenting journey and accountability standing as a cornerstone, shaping not only the character of our children but also the foundation of their future success. Understanding and embracing accountability becomes paramount as we navigate the intricacies of raising resilient and responsible individuals.

4. Conscious Accountability and Parenting

Dr. Daryn David explores how we can bring the conscious accountability practices of noticing, deep inquiry, and open-minded listening to a situation that really matters, we just might discover information that helps us respond in a more sensitive, in-tune way to the people in our life who matter most.

5. Blaming Your Parents Versus Holding Them Accountable

Hannah Alderete MA, LMHC explores the distinction between blame and accountability: Blame is putting all the responsibility onto someone for a particular outcome, whereas holding someone accountable is acknowledging that their actions have impacted us somehow. In holding someone accountable, we also take ownership of our feelings and reactions.