Flying with My Toddler and Infant: Here’s How We Made It

“Impossible.” That’s what I said to my husband when he suggested I fly from New York to Indiana with our two children alone. We’d just purchased a kid leash for my three-year-old who ran out of the Newark airport and almost into oncoming traffic during our last trip. And that was with two of us. I was not going to take that journey again outnumbered by children, even if one of them was an infant who slept for half the day. 

But a series of circumstances, including trying and failing to secure safe and sufficient housing, job opportunities for my husband and New York trying its best to kick my ass, the solo-parent, two kid trip became less of a suggestion and more of a necessity. 

So I did it. With my five month old strapped to my chest and a death grip around my toddler’s wrist, I flew from JFK to IND alone and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it wasn’t bad at all.  Some of it was pre-planning (traveling before they’re over-tired) and some of it was taking advantage of the good luck that seemed to follow me that day. Summer is here. The kids are out of school. If you have to fly alone with your children, here are some things to consider. 

Check Your Bags 

I’m a carry-on girl. When I arrive at my destination, I want to grab my stuff and run out of the airport as soon as possible. That means bypassing baggage claim. But carrying bags and babies would have been unthinkable. So I checked the carseats and the carry on and felt more capable with two free hands. 

Ask About the Family Line 

There’s no line more boring for kids than the security check at TSA. But some airports have a line specifically designated for families. Even if they don’t, make desperate eye contact with the right agent and they might let you jump ahead of a few people. 

Use What You’ve Got

The airport can be a fascinating place for a young person. If you have a bit of a wait before you board, use that opportunity to explore. Play Eye Spy, go on an impromptu scavenger hunt. If your kid has some excess energy, find an empty corridor and let them run until their heart’s content. My son was fascinated with something as simple as watching a shuttle bus. It kept him still and engaged for nearly an hour. 

Don’t Catastrophize 

I have a tendency to imagine the absolute worst when it comes to being left alone with my two children. I keep being shown, time and time again, that while it might not be preferred, it’s easier than I think it will be every time. Also, if I have calm energy, my children will generally match it. 

There Will Be Acts of Kindness

Much of the anxiety mothers feel when traveling is the judgement they’ll receive from others. There will be plenty of that but more importantly, there will also be people–mostly other women and mothers–who will extend grace and kindness. For me, it was the mom who shared her children’s toys to occupy my toddler. And the older women (with grown, kids) who offered to carry bags or pick up things I’d dropped while moving with two children. At JFK, there was a Black TSA agent who was hollering at everyone. But when I passed her, babies in tow. She said, ‘Ok Mama, right this way,” ushering me into the next phase of the wait. People will go out of their way to help you or just be encouraging. Take advantage. 

Use the Devices  

Some of us have strict rules about the time we allow our children to watch screens. I get it. After a while, I swear that the screens negatively affect my toddler’s behavior. But there are times that call for flexibility. Traveling is one of them. Even if you don’t want to introduce a whole iPad, letting your child get creative with your phone can work wonders. My son entertained himself for more than an hour recording himself singing songs in my voice memos app and listening back to the sound of his own voice. He was quiet, contained and not disturbing anyone else. A win for all.