Parents Need Love: It Begins with Intention - Arin’s Joyful Journey

Written By: Danielle Canada

Arin Johnson always knew she wanted to be a mom but like so many of us, she put it on the back burner to focus on her career and higher education. So when she found out was with child in just the first semester of her grad school matriculation, it set butterflies free in her stomach.

“I remember feeling so nervous, like, "Oh my gosh, am I ready to have a kid?" Arin tells ParentsNeedLove. “And I was talking to my dad about it, and he was like, "Well, did you ever see yourself having kids?" I was like, "Yeah." And he said, "There's your answer, you're ready." I'm like, "Okay." So that was that.”

Now reassured of the timing, Arin was admittedly happy and couldn’t wait to tell one of her best friends. The mommy-to-be sent her girlfriend a picture of her ultrasound and instead of a congratulatory text in return, she got something completely unexpected; pictures of her friend’s positive pregnancy test. To make things all the sweeter, the two friends soon learned that a mutual friend was also serendipitously expecting, officially making them a pregnant trio of first-time moms.

“I had my daughter at the end of September, my friend had her son less than a month later in October. And then a few days after that, my other friend had her daughter too,” says Arin. “That was really fun. If you can do the whole pregnancy pact thing, I strongly recommend it. It’s nice.”

What made expecting with friends particularly enriching for Arin was their shared experiences and conversations, something she feels only people who bring life into the world could understand.

“Ain't no man gonna understand what you're doing,” says Arin with a laugh. “They just don't. They don't understand what I'm saying when I say my back is hurting or my hips hurt that whole thing.

“Even the vulnerable conversations you have where you say, “I am feeling awkward in my body” or “I’m feeling beautiful in my body” and all the concerns like, "Hey, I'm not producing milk yet. Are you producing milk? What's going on?" And I was able to share things like that with them.”

Arin also especially appreciated chatting with her friends about doctors' appointments and their birthing experiences. For her, giving birth was another source of joy because she had an all-Black female team that guided her through this delicate time.

The expectant mom also decided to opt for a home birth so she entrusted a Black midwife, a Black doula, and a Black chiropractor to bring forth her child who was “already so loved before she even got here.”

“If I had to do it again, that's exactly how I’d do it,” Arin tells ParentsNeedLove. “Having a midwife, a doula, a chiropractor who are all Black women. And I will say too, I'm not lost on the privilege in that, and I'm not lost on the opportunity that I had to do that, because I had Baby M in Atlanta where there are a lot of Black professionals. That is not lost on me.”

“But if someone has the opportunity to do that, [they should] do it,” she adds. “Do it for sure, get a midwife, get a doula, get a chiropractor. I was really, really blessed throughout that. And it was a great experience. That was my selected tribe, I elected them. I put them in that place.”

After the birth of her daughter, Arin worked on adjusting to her new normal, and she admits that that work is still ongoing.

“As things change, I'm constantly having to check in with myself like, ‘How am I doing?’ And sometimes that's a day-to-day thing. So for me, one thing I'm doing now with my daughter is having a spreadsheet, Now that might be the MBA in me, but listen, I'm a spreadsheet girly now! So I’m literally tracking things that I want to accomplish for myself or want to accomplish for her.

She continues,

“I’m working on getting my yoga in, getting my stretching in, and getting my runs in because that helps me keep me as a priority. I’m also learning that at this age right now, she's so curious and so adventurous and she wants to do what I'm doing, so some of my self-care might have to be parallel to what she's doing.”

“For example, if I'm running on the treadmill, I give her the little one-pound weight, like girl, workout with me! You just go over there and do that whole thing. I just want to make sure that I'm alive and the toddler is alive by the end of the day,” she says. “That's what we're trying to do today.”

For Arin, the same driving feeling of joy that was a warm relief throughout her pregnancy is something she wants to be a constant throughout parenthood.

“Self-care for me, honestly is a daily journey,” says the scholar. “There is not a formula per se because you could have a formula that works for a little while but not for the next while.”

She continues,

“You know what I'm doing right now? I'm standing on the porch with these two dogs with my daughter looking outside, and it's bringing her some peace. So guess what? It's bringing me some peace too.”

Ultimately, that peace is quintessential to Arin and it helps her focus on what she believes is the most fulfilling part of her motherhood journey; her daughter’s development. According to baby M’s proud mom, she already sees her 2-year-old’s personality and quirks and wants to nurture them as she grows and becomes more independent.

“Having a girl, I want her to know that she has autonomy over her body,” says Arin. “To know that she can say what she means and, say what she feels. I want her to know that she is responsible for herself and she's not responsible for other people.

“We can do it with grace and with tact and with kindness, but I think especially for girls, sometimes we can put a lot of emotional labor on them and I don't want her to feel that.”

She continues,

“I want her to learn how to feel confident in her body and who she is and the future woman that she's going to be and that starts now. At post-30 you could look back and be like, "Oh, that's because of how I was raised," or, "That's my inner child.”

So I'm trying to set her up so when she gets to post-30, she's like, "Okay, I'm glad I had this lesson growing up and I'm glad this was the norm for me.”

“So I am looking forward to helping her develop because she's her own person, I’m looking forward to helping develop a confident woman who has integrity, who stands in her values and beliefs.”