How to Combat Ableist Bias at an Early Age

When I’m around the older generation — my parents, aunts, and uncles — I remember that they may have missed a few memos on political correctness. I’m constantly going back and forth in my head about how to correct them when, in the midst of their storytelling, they drop the R word. In the nineties, the word was used casually and cruelly to question or implicate someone’s intellectual abilities. It was everywhere — from casual conversations to comedic acts and hit songs — so I understand why the oldheads might not have been alerted to the switch-up.

Still, 2022 taught me that they’re not the only ones who could stand to learn a few things when it comes to the use of ableist language. That year, the disabled community called artist Lizzo in and informed her of the derogatory use of the word “spazz” in her song Grrrls. They did the same for Beyoncé for using the word in her song Heated. Instead of ignoring the critique, getting defensive, or dismissing the concerns of the disabled community, these two women removed the word from their songs and issued statements apologizing for the harm.

That incident was a reminder that we should always seek to know better so we can actively work against hurting people of all identities. In the hopes that we raise children who are better than us — and their grandparents — here are a few things you can do to avoid ableist language for yourself and for your children.

Follow People With Disabilities

The best way to foster compassion and empathy is to expose yourself to people with disabilities. Following disability rights activists on social media can be a great way to familiarize yourself with the realities of their lives and the advocacy they are seeking from able-bodied allies. Imani Barbarin, who goes by @Crutches_and_Spice on social media, is a great place to start, as she often analyzes the intersections between Blackness and disability.

Do Some Research

A lot of hesitancy to accept that certain words can be offensive comes from the idea that many people don’t mean any harm when they use them. Still, there’s a difference between intention and impact. A quick Google search might offer some surprises on the everyday words we may hear — and sometimes use — that are offensive to the disabled community. Share these findings with your children. Also, make sure that they know even when people aren’t being malicious, they can still cause harm. Let them know that anyone who has harmed someone else should acknowledge and seek to repair that harm.

Defer to Their Authority on Ableist Slurs

If someone from the disabled community tells you a word is ableist, it’s not your place — as someone outside of the community — to decide whether they’re right or wrong. Take their word for it and work to remove the word from your vocabulary.

Correct Others Who Use Ableist Terms

This last one is easier said than done, especially with people who are older and set in their ways. You can gauge whether the correction is worth it on a case-by-case basis. But if you want your children to be the type of people who openly and respectfully challenge bad behavior, they’ll have to have seen it from you first.