How to Date When You’re a Mother 

Love Island has been appointment television this summer. The show places twenty-somethings in the equivalent of a Fijian summer camp as they try to develop romantic connections with their fellow castmates. Huda Mustafa, a 24-year-old fitness influencer, is easily this season’s most polarizing figure. She came into the show with a secret — she was a mommy, mom, mamacita to a 5-year-old daughter. Huda told the other women on the show about her child but decided that she would withhold this information from Jeremiah, the first man she developed a connection with on the show. She reasoned that she wanted to save that information until he really liked her. For the audience, this was one of the first red flags.

Other single mothers looking to date could learn a few things from Huda — even if they’re what not to do.

Don’t Be Ashamed

Sadly, society makes a habit of shaming all types of mothers. That judgment is even more severe when it comes to women who are doing it without a male partner. In a world full of critics and naysayers, single mothers may find themselves so concerned with the opinions of others, they internalize some of that shame. As another Love Island cast member, Chelley, told Huda: wear being a single mother like the badge of honor that it is.

Be Honest About the Fact You Have Children

Hiding the existence of your children from a potential partner is deceitful manipulation. Hoping that they’ll like you enough to go against their own preferences for a relationship is not healthy. Any person who doesn’t want to date someone with children is not the person for you. The children aren’t going anywhere. You need to know immediately if your romantic prospects are willing to join you on this journey. If they’re not, they’re not for you.

Make Sure You’re Ready

We all know single mothers who wouldn’t dream of dating while their children were still in the home. Maybe they were afraid of introducing their children to someone new. Perhaps the demands of parenthood made it too hard to prioritize themselves. Being a parent is a spiritual path, and it’s understandable if you need to focus all of your energies on the lessons it teaches before you open yourself up to the dating pool. On the flip side, many of us have seen parents who place too much of their self-esteem in having a partner — to the detriment of their children.

Introduce on Your Timeline

One of the biggest questions parents have about dating is when they should introduce their children to the people they’re dating. Some argue that you should protect your children and shield them from too many new people. Others argue that you should arrange for a meeting early, because if there is a glaring issue, you don’t want to have developed serious feelings just to end the relationship.

Keep Co-Parents Informed

Your child’s other parent has the right to know the people who will be around their child. Before you introduce your child to your new boo, make sure your co-parent has had a conversation with this person so they can share any concerns they may have. This way, you can avoid conflict and set the foundation for building a proper blended family — if it gets to that point.