How to Heal from the Trauma of the NICU

When my son was born, I could tell from the doctors’ reactions that there was an issue. Not a major one, but there was reason for concern. Their faces were more concerned than celebratory. People were shuffling around his tiny body, studying it. And no one made a move to place my new baby bundle on my chest. That was the beginning of what would be a 12-day stay in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). 

In the midst of that extended stay in the hospital, my husband had a conversation with a friend who told him that soon we’d go home and we wouldn’t even think about this stressful time anymore. I appreciated any words of encouragement, but I knew that wouldn’t be my story. On the 11th day of my son’s hospitalization, I had my first breakdown in front of the nurses. I’d waited nine months to welcome him into our family, and I couldn’t properly do that when I had to leave him at the hospital every night. When the nurses asked why I was crying, I told them leaving my child was unnatural.

Learning that he would be released the next day did feel like an entirely fresh start. But over two years later, pregnant with my second child and in the same hospital where my son spent the first two weeks of his life, I knew the scars of that experience were still there. I was grateful that my son left the building healthy, but I wept for the anxiety, stress, pain, and longing I experienced as a first-time mom who couldn’t take her baby home with her.

A study from the Stanford School of Medicine found that of 18 parents who had spent significant time in the NICU, three of them were later diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Parents with children in the NICU can experience several traumas: an early or unexpected birth, the stress of having to undergo intense medical procedures, and the inability to bond with their infants in their home. The study found that the PTSD diagnosis had nothing to do with the length of the NICU stay or the severity of the child’s condition. Instead, it came down to how well the parents were able to cope during this time.

Whether you’ve lived through a NICU stay, are in the midst of one, or want to be of support to another parent who may be going through it, here are some strategies to help you deal with it all:

Lean on other former NICU parents

The only people who can relate to the feeling of having a child in the NICU are the parents who’ve survived the ordeal themselves. A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that 16 weeks after a child’s premature birth, mothers who were paired with other parents who had been in the NICU were less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression, and reported feeling like they had a support system.

Tell your story, even if it’s just to yourself

By the time you break your baby out of the hospital, the last thing you want to do is relive it all. Many parents just get down to the nitty-gritty of raising the child. And while it may be hard to find an audience for this story, it’s important that you process your feelings from that time so that you don’t carry the worries and anxiety from the NICU into your life at home.

Don’t be afraid to get help

If you are experiencing PTSD as a result of being in the NICU, you have to be officially diagnosed by a mental health professional. Having dreams or flashbacks of the event, avoiding discussions of the NICU stay or the hospital where it took place, and feelings of anxiety about the future are all signs. If any of these seem familiar, it’s a great idea to speak to a professional.