In House Sneaky Link: How to Rebuild the Intimacy with Your Partner

While becoming parents can heighten the love you feel for your partner, nothing puts strain on a relationship like prioritizing the needs of a mostly helpless human being. One of the greatest struggles and transitions a couple can go through is embarking on a parenting journey. You’re losing sleep, freedom, and sometimes your identity. In the midst of all this change, you just might find that your romantic relationship suffers as well. Maybe after running around with the kids, you don’t have the time or energy to get cute and go out on dates. Perhaps your kids cling to you so heavily throughout the day that the thought of someone else touching you makes your skin crawl. If you’re looking for ways to reignite the spark and regain some of the intimacy you may have lost, here are a few suggestions.

Take a Ride

If your kids are in a phase where they can’t seem to do anything without you, wait till right around bedtime. Bathe them, put them in their pajamas, and then strap them into their car seats. The car ride will knock them right out. While they’re sleeping in the back, it’s time for you and your boo to have a little mobile date night. Grab your favorite snacks, pull up to a scenic spot—perhaps on the water—and press play on the playlist. After a long day with the kids, you can enjoy some adult conversation or sit in silence and just vibe.

Be a Kid Again

Being a full-time caregiver can make you forget to nurture your own inner child. That part of you still needs to be fed. Why not invite your partner to play along with you? It could be the two of you playing board games, singing karaoke in the living room, or launching into an all-out tickle fight. Viola Davis and her husband, the parents to a teen daughter, swear by that one. We’re not mad at it.

Movie Night

Instead of watching someone else’s story unfold on your living room screen, take a trip down memory lane with your own pictures and videos. Rewatch your wedding day, relive your first date, reminisce about the first picture you ever took together and the moments that led to the relationship that created the kids in the first place.

Play a Game

If you and your partner have become exceptionally distant and don’t even know where to begin when it comes to reestablishing your intimacy, use the help of a question-and-answer game. Sexologist Shamyra Howard has a great relationship conversation starter game called Use Your Mouth that will help get you where you need to go—in more ways than one.

Try a New Spot

Kids aren’t the best at sleeping alone. Whether they’re waking up every two hours or crawling into your bed in the middle of the night, the unpredictability can make the frequency of sexy time a little more difficult. So you might have to get creative. Try getting it in during the morning or afternoon instead of waiting until the evening when everyone is exhausted. If your bed has been taken over, try another room, a large closet, or even the living room if you really need the comfort. If a quickie will do, the bathroom could work as well. Open your mind to the unorthodox, and you just might be surprised how the new locale can help reinvigorate your relationship.