Never Neglect You: The Importance of Maintaining Personal Identity
Written By: Ambreia Meadows - Fernandez
Raising children can be a demanding and often overwhelming process. If you’re not careful, your identity will be the first thing to go. But you need to know it's not your fault. Our society normalizes parents sacrificing everything and abandoning themselves as they raise their children. But what if I told you it’s possible to be an intentional parent and maintain your identity? Even further, what if I told you that by keeping a firm sense of self, you’re preparing your children to have better relationships in the future?
I won't say the journey is easy, but it’s beyond worth it. Read on for practical suggestions for maintaining your identity while parenting.
Heal Your Trauma, Your Way
Yep, we're talking about healing again. It may seem random that healing our trauma is an essential part of maintaining a sense of personal identity. However, working through your trauma, especially with a licensed mental health professional, can help you identify a parenting style that aligns with who you are instead of who you think you have to be. When we heal our trauma, we feel less stagnant and have better tools to connect with our children and ourselves as we navigate life's highs and lows.
Don’t Abandon Your Goals. Adjust Them.
We’ve been told that quality parenthood is rooted in sacrifice and selflessness. We live out this mandate by leaving our personal goals for our children’s needs. But when we do this, we remove our potential for growth and put our lives on hold for our children.
This is NOT the move. It’s also an easy way to begin resenting our children. You may not be able to pursue your hopes and dreams as intensely after you have kids, but you shouldn’t abandon them. Adjust your goals into bite-sized pieces—a little school, training, or getting out of the house here and there.
Do Fun Sh*t
When you’re parenting, things can get monotonous very quickly. Break up the everyday tasks by taking every opportunity to do things you enjoy. There are no specific guidelines for what activities you have to do. Just live your life with your feelers out to see what feels fun. It could be knitting, dancing, traveling, or woodworking. Explore yourself and do things you enjoy.
When you know the types of things you enjoy, you can adjust them to meet your needs, even as obstacles are present. The journey reminds us to abandon all-or-nothing thinking and that sometimes you can't “go big,” but that doesn’t mean you have to "go home."
Understand Your Role as a Parent
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not your job to be your children’s everything. Instead, you’re there to help facilitate their growth and guide them toward who they want to be. When you understand you don’t have to be perfect, it’s easier to parent authentically and demand less sacrifice. And that doesn't just help you. It helps your kids, too!