Parents Need Love: Confronting Grief Part. 1
Michelle Meadors Paxton Arnold
July, 2017, my wife lost her youngest son to a drowning incident. So, when I was asked to interview her for this, I wasn’t sure, emotionally, how she’d handle the subject of motherhood as she’s hard on herself (understandably so). But just like she did in her Ted Talk several years ago, she rose to this occasion, answering the questions below with grace, strength and transparency with the understanding that this may help others.
When the ParentsNeedLove.com team began to ideate, we knew it was integral to provide authentic, uplifting and holistic content celebrating the culture that is Black Parenthood. A major question…should we focus more on Moms, Dads, couples etc? The answer was all-of-the above. However, when it came to the topic of who does more - the Mom or Dad? This, indeed, sparked a fun and spirited debate.
As an advocate on dispelling the myths and stereotypes of Black fathers, I have taken pride in being a good (hopefully great) Dad. However, my mom has been married to my Dad for 52 years and while I have an amazing father, the totality of motherhood, especially Black motherhood, supersedes even the greatest Dad, including my own. The same goes for my wife. I am very involved, daily, with our soon-to-be teenage son but what my wife does as a mother (and wife) is unmatched. She’s truly the anchor! Having an opportunity to interview my wife for this platform was an amazing and eye opening experience.
Written By: Aaron Paxton Arnold
Reflecting on your journey as a mother, what were some of the personal challenges you faced and how did you overcome them?
Being a mother of a boy I’ve struggled with balancing the lessons I am teaching him while allowing him to be himself. My son’s safety is a big deal without stifling his growth; this is amplified for me due to losing my youngest.
Motherhood often requires a great deal of personal maturity and growth. How have you noticed yourself evolving as an individual through the experiences of being a mother?
I became more silly being a mom. For example, I started to see things through my children’s eyes and be more present and living in the moment. It also allowed me to be more patient.
Who I chose for him to spend time with as I am very protective of my child in lieu of past tragedies in my life. I am very aware of who my child is with, including family, especially if it’s overnight or more.
Doubt is something many mothers encounter along their journey. How have you dealt with moments of self-doubt and emerged stronger on the other side?
Self doubt comes from, am I teaching him the right lessons and timely with lessons as he grows. I have a great support system of friends and my husband who remind me that our son is going to be ok.
Patience is essential in the realm of motherhood. How have you cultivated patience in your parenting journey, and what strategies or practices have been helpful to you?
Allowing my son to be independent with his thoughts or actions, so that he can develop his own independence. Additionally, addressing something and walking away so that he can develop his own process. But sometimes you have to just go with the flow because everyday is different with kids.
Balancing personal career aspirations with the demands of motherhood can be challenging. How have you managed to maintain your career ambitions while still prioritizing your role as a mother?
I have an understanding that everything I do career wise is for the betterment of my child and I try to make sure I do my best to not bring my work home but my husband also steps in. And sometimes, you fall short and just have to balance work and family at the same time.
What is something you feel changed in you that has made you better overall, and ultimately a better mother?
The appreciation for family. Family isn’t just “blood” for me. It’s made me have a better appreciation for my son’s quality of life too…I want him to have a solid well-rounded experience as a kid.
What is something you think could personally help alleviate the pressure of balancing motherhood and life?
A nanny lol. But seriously, just more flexibility in my day regarding my time. Basically waiting for my husband to retire me.