Parents Need Love: Some Rules Still Apply
Written By: Danielle Canada
Many new parents often model their child-rearing around their own upbringing, and for one Atlanta mom, that rings especially true.
Dr. Erin Harrison grew up in an environment that was rooted in the authoritarian parenting style based on discipline and structure. As a number of millennial-aged parents can relate to, good grades were expected without exception, and obedience was enforced without question. There were no ifs, ands, or buts, and things were a far cry from today's widely popular gentle parenting style. And while Erin admits that being raised in the authoritarian style was tough, she’s gained an appreciation for the firmness that kept her on the straight and narrow.
“I’m not going to say I was scared of Mother, but I knew she didn't play,” says Erin. “You know how they say from a religious standpoint; train a child up and they'll never depart from it? A lot of those things really are true. I think it's okay to be your kid’s friend to some extent, but at the same time, they have to know who's in charge.”
Now in her own motherhood journey, the mom to a bright and bubbly 3-year-old named Cruz is an affectionate ally of her son’s; but with parameters. She recognizes that while being approachable and understanding are important, clear boundaries are equally essential.
While she’s reinforcing childhood lessons she learned in her son, she’s doing so in a more authoritative way. Psychology Today reports that the authoritative parenting style differs from that of the authoritarian style in that authoritarian parents have a staunch belief In “bending the will of the child to that of authority” while authoritative parents “tend to adjust their expectations to the needs of the child.”
For Cruz, Erin believes that he needs her to have patience while she’s functioning at the highest level. That means that sometimes the pharmacist/ entrepreneur steps away to prioritize he own well-being, something she admits she sometimes feels “mom guilt” about.
“This year, I started back traveling again, so those were moments for me to recharge,” says Erin who also admittedly enjoys “baby-free weekends” with friends. “And now on the day-to-day, what that looks like for me is being more consistent with bedtime so that gives me time at night to myself.”
Now as her child continues to grow and mature, she sees self-care as a need and not a luxury.
“I don't get as much mom guilt now because I know I need those breaks because I'm a better parent when I'm in a better space than when I’m running on empty,” says Erin.
Reflecting on her experience, the mother who describes her love for her child as “magnetic”, adds that parenting doesn’t always follow a rulebook so she’s giving herself grace as she navigates on this journey via the authoritarian parenting style.
Ultimately, motherhood may not be exactly as she anticipated, but for Cruz’s mom, there’s nothing more rewarding.
“I think everyone has moments where they wonder "Oh, am I a good mom?!’” But I've recently seen quotes that say if that's even a concern of yours, that's a sign that you are,” says Erin.
“I don't understand how people can not be obsessed with their children,” she adds. “Just seeing him fills me with so much joy, it’s just like, ‘wow, I created this.’ “Even in moments when I’m tired, there's nothing and no one I've ever loved this much. It's innate.”