Pop’s POV: Two Parents Equals Two Perspectives – Here’s How Compromise Can Boost Emotional Wellness
There’s a saying that there are two sides to the story — and the truth
Selective focus shot of caring young man sitting by his girlfriend's side, holding her hand and carefully listening to her confide in him about her problems that are causing her anxiety.
There’s a saying that there are two sides to the story — and the truth. Well, in parenthood, there are two perspectives — possibly differing — and the compromise needed to provide a balanced approach to parenting children. In instances of discord due to different parenting styles, it is important to regulate yourself mentally and evaluate your feelings. Frustration and anxiety are almost guaranteed to make their presence known and felt, but you cannot allow those emotions to become the star of the show. It is imperative that you remember that it is you and your partner against the issue — not one another. You are both equipped with the tools necessary to navigate this space and find a healthy resolution.
My wife and I have two totally different approaches when it comes to parenting our children. I am from the wheelhouse of “prevention is better than cure,” whereas my wife is from the wheelhouse of “advise them, and if they do not listen, they will learn by consequence.” You can only imagine what our day-to-day home life is like with a toddler. Toddlers have unrefined motor skills — meaning that they lack polished coordination and precision in physical movement in comparison to older children or adults. If you aren’t aware, toddlers are cute and warm but are fueled by chaos and curiosity!
“Get down,” “please don’t touch that,” “get down,” “don’t climb up there,” “is this a big deal or a little deal,” “don’t put that in your mouth,” “what is in your hand,” “get down!” — this is the broken record on repeat when living with and raising the fearless and inquisitive beings known as toddlers.
Over the past weekend, my wife and I found ourselves in disagreement as a direct result of our differing parenting styles. My two-year-old daughter, Jackson, has a tendency to mirror our behavior in how we engage with her four-month-old brother, Jameison — whether it be us playing with him, showing him love, or even feeding him. Keep in mind, the mirrored behavior lacks refined motor skills, so her actions much of the time appear a lot more chaotic or rough.
Parenting from my perspective in this scenario sends me into a state of hypervigilance and prompts me to instruct her to stop, being that I do not want her to hurt him.
Whereas parenting from my wife’s perspective in this same scenario presents an opportunity for teaching and refining those motor skills — even redirecting Jackson to engage in a manner that promotes greater control and safety, while being careful not to compromise her confidence and eagerness to interact with her brother.
In retrospect, my initial outlook had the potential to be harmful to Jackson, in the way that it may discourage her willingness to grow her bond and show love to her brother.
Spoiler alert! In the spirit of honesty and transparency, I did not come to this conclusion at that moment — nor did I reach it on my own. Initially, I felt as if my perspective was the right perspective. Although, looking back, I was naïve and stubborn to my own detriment — and potentially that of my children — for not being willing to consider another approach.
However, he who finds a wife finds a good thing! That’s in the Word, the text, the GOOD BOOK! If you know, you know.
Here are five resources to assist in determining and cultivating your parenting style:
Jenna Benton offers a fresh, customizable approach to parenting, so you can ditch the stress of “getting it perfect” and stay honed in on what works best for your family.
Emily Oster utilizes data to show parents how to think through freighted questions — like if and how to go back to work, how to think about toddler discipline, and how to have a relationship and parent at the same time.
How We Love Our Kids: The Five Love Styles of Parenting
Milan and Kay Yerkovich offer a unique approach to help parents transform their kids by making specific changes in how they love. It’s the only book specifically for parents that reveals the unseen forces that shape every interaction with your kids.
This 4-part kit encourages meaningful conversations and bonding activities to help new parents stay connected as they navigate big life changes.
Parenting Styles Unleashed: A Modern Guide for Improved Family Dynamics
Steeped in attachment and emotion-focused therapy, applied by Paul Buckley during decades of clinical practice, Parenting Styles Unleashed strikes a faceted balance of confidence, humor, and pragmatic outcomes in parenting styles.
