The birth of each of my children shifted so many aspects both internally and externally for me. It provoked a realignment of my identity, specifically a decline in self-centeredness associated with my goals. My perspective on success was redefined as my priorities were restructured with becoming a father. Almost immediately, there was a heightened urge to provide, protect, nurture, cultivate, and foster an environment of love for my children. There is a hyperfocus on making sure that the best decisions are made due to the implications for my children. I constantly remind myself that as I navigate the world, how I do so dictates how my children will.

The birth of my daughter encouraged me to be more patient, communicate with more tenderness, and to improve my awareness. Admittedly, it also incited a bit of fear. I am raising a Black girl that will one day be a Black woman in the world, and I will not always be there to protect her. By protecting her, I am not speaking exclusively about physical wellbeing but emotionally and equitably. Since having my daughter in my life, I am extremely cognizant of how I react and respond to her, cautious of how my actions or responses during our encounters may shape her life. My daughter calls for me to be a man with the ability to embrace and exude presentness, softness, playfulness, and gentleness. My daughter is my mirror and muse; she highlights my gifts and assures me of my resilience to overcome my shortfalls.

The birth of my daughter encouraged me to be more patient, communicate with more tenderness, and to improve my awareness. Admittedly, it also incited a bit of fear. I am raising a Black girl that will one day be a Black woman in the world, and I will not always be there to protect her. By protecting her, I am not speaking exclusively about physical wellbeing but emotionally and equitably. Since having my daughter in my life, I am extremely cognizant of how I react and respond to her, cautious of how my actions or responses during our encounters may shape her life. My daughter calls for me to be a man with the ability to embrace and exude presentness, softness, playfulness, and gentleness. My daughter is my mirror and muse; she highlights my gifts and assures me of my resilience to overcome my shortfalls.

The birth of my son invoked feelings of pride, legacy, and self-reflection. My first thought was this is my son, and it is my responsibility to teach him to be the right kind of man. I am to share knowledge with him and teach him the skills that I believe will benefit him in life. I need to make it a point to emphasize the significance of emotional intelligence, self-control, and respect as a man. As my son’s roadmap to manhood, it is my responsibility to guide him healthily, balanced, and by example. The stakes are so much higher now, whether it be regarding my engagement with my wife, my daughter, the people around me in general, or even how I navigate conflict, being that my son has a front-row seat, watching and learning based on my actions. My son is my student and shadow, observing the things that I say but more importantly the things that I do. My son prompts me to always reflect: am I being the type of man that I want him to become?

The birth of my son invoked feelings of pride, legacy, and self-reflection. My first thought was this is my son, and it is my responsibility to teach him to be the right kind of man. I am to share knowledge with him and teach him the skills that I believe will benefit him in life. I need to make it a point to emphasize the significance of emotional intelligence, self-control, and respect as a man. As my son’s roadmap to manhood, it is my responsibility to guide him healthily, balanced, and by example. The stakes are so much higher now, whether it be regarding my engagement with my wife, my daughter, the people around me in general, or even how I navigate conflict, being that my son has a front-row seat, watching and learning based on my actions. My son is my student and shadow, observing the things that I say but more importantly the things that I do. My son prompts me to always reflect: am I being the type of man that I want him to become?

The fullness of fatherhood is found in my children’s ability to endorse growth within and beyond myself and to call for me to live with a greater sense of being intentional. The birth of a child, boy or girl, is an experience engrained with love, accountability, and heritage. While my daughter softens aspects of my identity, my son sharpens aspects of my identity, and collectively my children are the perfect complement to the man I am.

The fullness of fatherhood is found in my children’s ability to endorse growth within and beyond myself and to call for me to live with a greater sense of being intentional. The birth of a child, boy or girl, is an experience engrained with love, accountability, and heritage. While my daughter softens aspects of my identity, my son sharpens aspects of my identity, and collectively my children are the perfect complement to the man I am.

The conference brings some of the biggest names across various industries to share wisdom and insights in their respective careers. There is a lot to choose from, but here are the names that are grabbing our attention this year. Check out our picks below.

Democracy in the World of AI — Stacey Abrams

AI is here. And as much as many of us may try to avoid it temporarily, it’s clear that this technology is not going anywhere. Instead of fighting against it, many of this year’s panels focus on learning to work with artificial intelligence. In tackling such an important topic, you want to know that you have some of the best and brightest leading the charge. Which is why author and political leader Stacey Abrams is the perfect person to discuss how AI can “undermine or advance societies.” She’ll be joined by Dr. Rachel Gillum, the Vice President of Ethical & Humane Use of Technology at Salesforce.

NeuroSpicy in Tech: Embracing Diverse Minds in Leadership — Sandra Crespo

Now more than ever, people are learning about the intricacies of how their brains work. While some of us have neurodivergent tendencies, others have official diagnoses. Wherever you may find yourself in the conversation, know that the unique way your brain functions can be an asset in the workplace. Clinic Director at the Transformations Care Network, Sandra Crespo will lay it all out during her panel that seeks to explore a reframing of leadership.

Win with Black Women — Jotaka Eaddy and Tanya Sam

If the Black woman’s struggles in Corporate America were ever on full display, now is the time. In addition to the hundreds of thousands of women who have been completely pushed out of the workforce, there are those who are constantly being undermined, disrespected, and undervalued on the job. During their panel, Jotaka Eaddy and Tanya Sam hope to shift the narrative in discussing the innovation that can take place when diverse voices—and Black women specifically—are invited to share their brilliance and people actually listen.

Master Your Money: Wealth Building with The Budgetnista — Tiffany Aliche

Am I the only one who feels like money is just not moneying like it used to? Times are hard. But now, more than ever, is the time to educate yourself on what to do with your money. Tiffany Aliche will offer a workshop on budgeting, debt management, and wealth acquisition. Aliche has a wealth and depth of experience, and she can break it down with culturally relevant explanations.

How The Walt Disney Company Is Revolutionizing the Storytelling Industry

They say that if you want to build a loyal following with repeat customers, they must first know and believe your story. If you want to understand the art of effective, gripping storytelling, why not learn from the masters? During this networking event, Disney experts will discuss the company’s rich legacy in storytelling and how collaboration can push the art of story further.

300,000 Black women are out of work. The economy is in a state of peril, and businesses large and small are struggling. Jobs are not easy to come by, and for those who are employed, you may find that you’re lacking a bit of inspiration in today’s climate. Thankfully, there’s a bit of inspiration around the corner. Blavity is hosting their annual AfroTech conference from October 27–October 31 in Houston, Texas.

The conference brings some of the biggest names across various industries to share wisdom and insights in their respective careers. There is a lot to choose from, but here are the names that are grabbing our attention this year. Check out our picks below.

Democracy in the World of AI — Stacey Abrams

AI is here. And as much as many of us may try to avoid it temporarily, it’s clear that this technology is not going anywhere. Instead of fighting against it, many of this year’s panels focus on learning to work with artificial intelligence. In tackling such an important topic, you want to know that you have some of the best and brightest leading the charge. Which is why author and political leader Stacey Abrams is the perfect person to discuss how AI can “undermine or advance societies.” She’ll be joined by Dr. Rachel Gillum, the Vice President of Ethical & Humane Use of Technology at Salesforce.

NeuroSpicy in Tech: Embracing Diverse Minds in Leadership — Sandra Crespo

Now more than ever, people are learning about the intricacies of how their brains work. While some of us have neurodivergent tendencies, others have official diagnoses. Wherever you may find yourself in the conversation, know that the unique way your brain functions can be an asset in the workplace. Clinic Director at the Transformations Care Network, Sandra Crespo will lay it all out during her panel that seeks to explore a reframing of leadership.

Win with Black Women — Jotaka Eaddy and Tanya Sam

If the Black woman’s struggles in Corporate America were ever on full display, now is the time. In addition to the hundreds of thousands of women who have been completely pushed out of the workforce, there are those who are constantly being undermined, disrespected, and undervalued on the job. During their panel, Jotaka Eaddy and Tanya Sam hope to shift the narrative in discussing the innovation that can take place when diverse voices—and Black women specifically—are invited to share their brilliance and people actually listen.

Master Your Money: Wealth Building with The Budgetnista — Tiffany Aliche

Am I the only one who feels like money is just not moneying like it used to? Times are hard. But now, more than ever, is the time to educate yourself on what to do with your money. Tiffany Aliche will offer a workshop on budgeting, debt management, and wealth acquisition. Aliche has a wealth and depth of experience, and she can break it down with culturally relevant explanations.

How The Walt Disney Company Is Revolutionizing the Storytelling Industry

They say that if you want to build a loyal following with repeat customers, they must first know and believe your story. If you want to understand the art of effective, gripping storytelling, why not learn from the masters? During this networking event, Disney experts will discuss the company’s rich legacy in storytelling and how collaboration can push the art of story further.

In the nineties, I remember mothers and teachers whispering the letters ADD and ADHD. They were concerned that teachers were unfairly assigning these labels to Black children who they didn’t understand and didn’t care to teach. Those letters held weight, and many of our mothers didn’t want them placed on their children’s shoulders. Perhaps this fear of labels is one reason why so many Black adults are learning much later in life that they actually do have attention deficit disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

Adjusting to this type of diagnosis or recognition of these tendencies is one thing when you’re an adult living for yourself. But when you add the responsibility of raising children to the mix, navigating neurodivergence while parenting can not only be challenging, it stands in stark contrast to the very skills required to effectively raise and nurture children. An ADD or ADHD diagnosis often presents with symptoms like poor memory, high distractibility, poor emotional regulation, poor time management, and a tendency to be hyperactive.

Adjusting to this type of diagnosis or recognition of these tendencies is one thing when you’re an adult living for yourself. But when you add the responsibility of raising children to the mix, navigating neurodivergence while parenting can not only be challenging, it stands in stark contrast to the very skills required to effectively raise and nurture children. An ADD or ADHD diagnosis often presents with symptoms like poor memory, high distractibility, poor emotional regulation, poor time management, and a tendency to be hyperactive.

If you find yourself with an adult ADD/ADHD diagnosis or you notice you may have one or more of these tendencies, here are some strategies you can employ to make your parenting journey a bit easier.

If you find yourself with an adult ADD/ADHD diagnosis or you notice you may have one or more of these tendencies, here are some strategies you can employ to make your parenting journey a bit easier.

Give Yourself Grace

Give Yourself Grace

Whether you’re neurotypical or not, parenting will expose parts of yourself you might not have realized were there: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Instead of being ashamed of the way your brain works and punishing yourself for it, show yourself some compassion. Be gentle with yourself. Recognize the reality that your brain works differently and seek to understand it. Being kind to yourself is a behavior we want to model for our children. It’s an example we want them to follow as they grow into adulthood and learn to accept the truth of themselves as well. ADD and ADHD is not hereditary, but it tends to run in families. If your child sees you being kind to yourself, they’ll have an easier time being kind to themselves later.

Whether you’re neurotypical or not, parenting will expose parts of yourself you might not have realized were there: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Instead of being ashamed of the way your brain works and punishing yourself for it, show yourself some compassion. Be gentle with yourself. Recognize the reality that your brain works differently and seek to understand it. Being kind to yourself is a behavior we want to model for our children. It’s an example we want them to follow as they grow into adulthood and learn to accept the truth of themselves as well. ADD and ADHD is not hereditary, but it tends to run in families. If your child sees you being kind to yourself, they’ll have an easier time being kind to themselves later.

Talk to Your Child

Talk to Your Child

Many of us came from homes where our parents sought to be viewed as infallible. They were the authority. Sadly, for many of them, that meant hiding the very real and human parts of themselves. Thankfully, we’re living in a new day and age when it comes to child-rearing. Today we’re making an effort to apologize, openly acknowledge our mistakes, and share the truth of who we really are. You can do the same in discussing how your brain works. If your ADHD caused you to forget an important date or miss a deadline, you can tell your child that your faux pas wasn’t made due to lack of care and concern. Give them age-appropriate descriptions of your wiring, apologize, and explain how you plan to do better in the future. Pro Tip: showing your child grace and compassion when they make mistakes will help them extend that same gift to you.

Many of us came from homes where our parents sought to be viewed as infallible. They were the authority. Sadly, for many of them, that meant hiding the very real and human parts of themselves. Thankfully, we’re living in a new day and age when it comes to child-rearing. Today we’re making an effort to apologize, openly acknowledge our mistakes, and share the truth of who we really are. You can do the same in discussing how your brain works. If your ADHD caused you to forget an important date or miss a deadline, you can tell your child that your faux pas wasn’t made due to lack of care and concern. Give them age-appropriate descriptions of your wiring, apologize, and explain how you plan to do better in the future. Pro Tip: showing your child grace and compassion when they make mistakes will help them extend that same gift to you.

Have Strategies in Place

Have Strategies in Place

Once you make a vow to your child to do better, you’re going to have to actually put in the work. They’re watching. While you don’t have to be perfect, your little ones should see progress to know that you are actually putting in work to make their childhood a bit better. If you struggle with time management and organization, set multiple alarms throughout the day. Make to-do lists. Post notes and reminders where you’re bound to see them. Take the time to try out new tips and tricks to learn what works best for you and your family. Get your kids involved in the process. Tell them about the things you’re trying. Have conversations about what works and what doesn’t. Then, when you do find something that sticks, let your children help. If disorder has been an issue, give each member of your family chores–including the toddlers on up. This shares the load and reinforces the notion that cleaning and organizing is not just a job for the adults.

Once you make a vow to your child to do better, you’re going to have to actually put in the work. They’re watching. While you don’t have to be perfect, your little ones should see progress to know that you are actually putting in work to make their childhood a bit better. If you struggle with time management and organization, set multiple alarms throughout the day. Make to-do lists. Post notes and reminders where you’re bound to see them. Take the time to try out new tips and tricks to learn what works best for you and your family. Get your kids involved in the process. Tell them about the things you’re trying. Have conversations about what works and what doesn’t. Then, when you do find something that sticks, let your children help. If disorder has been an issue, give each member of your family chores–including the toddlers on up. This shares the load and reinforces the notion that cleaning and organizing is not just a job for the adults.

Use the Village

Use the Village

All parents could benefit from support. Neurodivergent parents are no different. If someone you trust has taken a good look at your parenting journey and can offer insights on how you might streamline it, heed the advice. Ask questions about how other parents run their households and see if you can implement some of their strategies into your life.

All parents could benefit from support. Neurodivergent parents are no different. If someone you trust has taken a good look at your parenting journey and can offer insights on how you might streamline it, heed the advice. Ask questions about how other parents run their households and see if you can implement some of their strategies into your life.

Take Advantage

Take Advantage

While neurodivergence has historically been regarded negatively, there are ways you can use this to your advantage, especially when it comes to raising little ones. Have a hard time sitting still? Great, little kids love to be active. Join them. Are you more free-flowing than structured? There can be a place for that too. Life can be magical when you occasionally deviate from a strict schedule. Children come to disrupt some of society’s norms. You might find your neurodivergent brain fits very well in that too.

While neurodivergence has historically been regarded negatively, there are ways you can use this to your advantage, especially when it comes to raising little ones. Have a hard time sitting still? Great, little kids love to be active. Join them. Are you more free-flowing than structured? There can be a place for that too. Life can be magical when you occasionally deviate from a strict schedule. Children come to disrupt some of society’s norms. You might find your neurodivergent brain fits very well in that too.

It’s that season—the kids are going back to school! As time passes, I notice I’m becoming more and more like my parents. I’ve implemented earlier bedtimes to “prepare” the kids for the upcoming school year—or just to give me and Mom a little break at the end of the day. I mean, who’s going to tell them, right? Speaking of preparation, what better way to get the ball rolling than stretching those bills with some amazing back-to-school deals! Check out my Amazon top ten must-haves for the upcoming academic year, for your little ones.

1. First Day of  School Sign Board with Liquid Chalk Markers
This is a staple if you want to do it for the ’Gram when the littles are just starting school. My kids took the mandatory first day of school photos with this double-sided school sign board with colorful liquid chalk markers! You can include your child’s name, grade level, age, interests, and more! What separates this school sign board from the others—and makes it my favorite—is the two-sided feature that allows you to recap the end of the school year as well!

1. First Day of  School Sign Board with Liquid Chalk Markers
This is a staple if you want to do it for the ’Gram when the littles are just starting school. My kids took the mandatory first day of school photos with this double-sided school sign board with colorful liquid chalk markers! You can include your child’s name, grade level, age, interests, and more! What separates this school sign board from the others—and makes it my favorite—is the two-sided feature that allows you to recap the end of the school year as well!

2. Crayola Toddler Safety Scissors (3pk), Blunt Tip Training Scissors for Preschool Learning Activities, Right & Left Handed, Toddler Back to School Essentials

2. Crayola Toddler Safety Scissors (3pk), Blunt Tip Training Scissors for Preschool Learning Activities, Right & Left Handed, Toddler Back to School Essentials

Coordination and safety go hand and hand just like these blunt tip training scissors from Crayola. My littles are in this phase of being fascinated with cutting paper into tiny pieces and these scissors give me peace of mind to let them just have at it! The kids are having safe fun and I don’t have to hover while they create confetti. 

Coordination and safety go hand and hand just like these blunt tip training scissors from Crayola. My littles are in this phase of being fascinated with cutting paper into tiny pieces and these scissors give me peace of mind to let them just have at it! The kids are having safe fun and I don’t have to hover while they create confetti. 

3. Skillmatics Scissor Skills Activity Book – Snip Snip, 25 Fun Cutting & Creative Activities for Preschoolers, 2 Child-Safe Scissors, Fine Motor Skills Craft Kit, Gifts for Kids Ages 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

3. Skillmatics Scissor Skills Activity Book – Snip Snip, 25 Fun Cutting & Creative Activities for Preschoolers, 2 Child-Safe Scissors, Fine Motor Skills Craft Kit, Gifts for Kids Ages 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Straight lines, curved lines, shapes… You name it and the Skillmatics Scissor Skills activity book has it! Children can have fun while cutting, pasting, and folding while enhancing their motor skills. I’m all for fun but I’m more for fun while learning something! Development and entertainment is my type of carrying on. 

Straight lines, curved lines, shapes… You name it and the Skillmatics Scissor Skills activity book has it! Children can have fun while cutting, pasting, and folding while enhancing their motor skills. I’m all for fun but I’m more for fun while learning something! Development and entertainment is my type of carrying on. 

4. JoyCat 78 Pieces Magnetic Letters Numbers Alphabet Fridge Magnets ABC 123 Preschool Educational Learning Plastic Colorful Toy Set Uppercase Lowercase Math Symbols for Toddlers Kids

4. JoyCat 78 Pieces Magnetic Letters Numbers Alphabet Fridge Magnets ABC 123 Preschool Educational Learning Plastic Colorful Toy Set Uppercase Lowercase Math Symbols for Toddlers Kids

ABC… easy as one, two, three! The JoyCat 78-piece magnetic letter and number set is the perfect tool to practice letter and number recognition and color identification. The magnetic letters allow you to create all types of games on magnetic surfaces to enhance your child’s literacy skills.

ABC… easy as one, two, three! The JoyCat 78-piece magnetic letter and number set is the perfect tool to practice letter and number recognition and color identification. The magnetic letters allow you to create all types of games on magnetic surfaces to enhance your child’s literacy skills.

5. 67 Pcs Back to School Supplies with Backpack Kids Kindergarten Preschool Elementary Supply Bundle Kit Middle High School Pen Notebook for K-12 Student Girl Boy Classroom Teacher(Blue)

5. 67 Pcs Back to School Supplies with Backpack Kids Kindergarten Preschool Elementary Supply Bundle Kit Middle High School Pen Notebook for K-12 Student Girl Boy Classroom Teacher(Blue)

The 67-piece back-to-school supply backpack is a must-have. My children are overprepared with this bundle package—notebooks, markers, pencils, glue sticks, even a pencil sharpener, and so much more. I’m sure this bundle covers everything requested on your child’s back-to-school supply list. I can guarantee this deal is selling fast, so get to Amazon while the getting is good.

The 67-piece back-to-school supply backpack is a must-have. My children are overprepared with this bundle package—notebooks, markers, pencils, glue sticks, even a pencil sharpener, and so much more. I’m sure this bundle covers everything requested on your child’s back-to-school supply list. I can guarantee this deal is selling fast, so get to Amazon while the getting is good.

6. Educational Posters 6pcs – Back to School Supplies – Preschool Kindergarten Classroom Must Haves – Reading & Learning Resources – Homeschool & Preschool Supplies – Classroom Decor (11″x16″)

6. Educational Posters 6pcs – Back to School Supplies – Preschool Kindergarten Classroom Must Haves – Reading & Learning Resources – Homeschool & Preschool Supplies – Classroom Decor (11″x16″)

This is for the teachers—strictly for the teachers—the real teachers. These preschool educational posters are a must for the kindergarten and preschool classroom; they are also essential for the home to continually sharpen your child’s skills. You can review letters, days of the week, months of the year, colors, animals, shapes, and numbers. I think all bases are covered with this one.

This is for the teachers—strictly for the teachers—the real teachers. These preschool educational posters are a must for the kindergarten and preschool classroom; they are also essential for the home to continually sharpen your child’s skills. You can review letters, days of the week, months of the year, colors, animals, shapes, and numbers. I think all bases are covered with this one.

7. Skillmatics Thick Flash Cards for Toddlers – Letters, Numbers, Shapes & Colors, Montessori Toys, Preschool Learning Activities, Learning Aids, Gifts for Kids Ages 1, 2, 3, 4 Years

7. Skillmatics Thick Flash Cards for Toddlers – Letters, Numbers, Shapes & Colors, Montessori Toys, Preschool Learning Activities, Learning Aids, Gifts for Kids Ages 1, 2, 3, 4 Years

For learning and reviewing anywhere, these Skillmatics flashcards are my go-to. There are colorful pictures which cover letters, numbers, shapes, and colors. I love the multifaceted capabilities of the cards, which permit multiple categories to be reviewed in one sitting! I got mine—do you have yours?

For learning and reviewing anywhere, these Skillmatics flashcards are my go-to. There are colorful pictures which cover letters, numbers, shapes, and colors. I love the multifaceted capabilities of the cards, which permit multiple categories to be reviewed in one sitting! I got mine—do you have yours?

8. Play-Doh Ultimate Color Collection 65-Pack of 1-oz Cans, Includes Sparkle, Confetti & Color Burst, Back to School Classroom Supplies, Preschool Toys, Ages 2+ (Amazon Exclusive)

8. Play-Doh Ultimate Color Collection 65-Pack of 1-oz Cans, Includes Sparkle, Confetti & Color Burst, Back to School Classroom Supplies, Preschool Toys, Ages 2+ (Amazon Exclusive)

In the great words of Luther Vandross, “Never too much, never too much, never too much.” Just kidding—when it comes to Play-Doh, there can be too much. However, this 65-pack of 1-ounce containers allows for better monitoring of its use. They come in multiple colors and can be shared with up to 65 kids. Practice colors and enhance sensory skills with this bundle at home, at school, or on the go.

In the great words of Luther Vandross, “Never too much, never too much, never too much.” Just kidding—when it comes to Play-Doh, there can be too much. However, this 65-pack of 1-ounce containers allows for better monitoring of its use. They come in multiple colors and can be shared with up to 65 kids. Practice colors and enhance sensory skills with this bundle at home, at school, or on the go.

9. JoyCat Magnetic Letter Tracing Board, 2-in-1 Double-Sided ABC Magnets for Kids Ages 3-5, Uppercase & Lowercase Letter Writing Practice – Preschool Learning Toys, Road Trip Car Activities for Toddlers

9. JoyCat Magnetic Letter Tracing Board, 2-in-1 Double-Sided ABC Magnets for Kids Ages 3-5, Uppercase & Lowercase Letter Writing Practice – Preschool Learning Toys, Road Trip Car Activities for Toddlers

The JoyCat Magnetic Letter Tracing Board is hands down my favorite back-to-school pickup. The magnetic beads and stylus combo keep the kids locked in and learning. There are uppercase letters on the front and lowercase letters on the back. I feel like penmanship is a lost art, and I’m trying my best to bring it back with my toddlers—and with JoyCat, you can too!

The JoyCat Magnetic Letter Tracing Board is hands down my favorite back-to-school pickup. The magnetic beads and stylus combo keep the kids locked in and learning. There are uppercase letters on the front and lowercase letters on the back. I feel like penmanship is a lost art, and I’m trying my best to bring it back with my toddlers—and with JoyCat, you can too!

10.  Busy Book for Toddlers, Preschool Learning Activities, Montessori Learning Educational Toys, Tracing Activity Coloring Books for Kids Ages 3-8, Travel Toys Back to School Gifts, Summer Activities

10.  Busy Book for Toddlers, Preschool Learning Activities, Montessori Learning Educational Toys, Tracing Activity Coloring Books for Kids Ages 3-8, Travel Toys Back to School Gifts, Summer Activities

The Busy Book is the BEST BUY—36 themes. Reading, writing, tracing, recognition, and the list goes on. The age range is 2–8 for the most beneficial learning, so this is a purchase that can stand the test of time. The craftsmanship of the book promotes durability, which is very important—especially when toddlers are involved. It can be wiped and reused, which was a major selling point for me.

The Busy Book is the BEST BUY—36 themes. Reading, writing, tracing, recognition, and the list goes on. The age range is 2–8 for the most beneficial learning, so this is a purchase that can stand the test of time. The craftsmanship of the book promotes durability, which is very important—especially when toddlers are involved. It can be wiped and reused, which was a major selling point for me.

Once the doctors place that slippery baby on your chest, we have a tendency to forget all of the moments that made it possible. The morning sickness, the discomfort, the irritability. Even the arduous labor you just endured becomes an afterthought. All of the gratitude may mean when we recount the stories of pregnancies, we leave out some of the more gruesome details. But in the effort of transparency, truth, and memory, we spoke to moms and dads to get the real tea about what it means to carry and birth a child. Check out their raw, unfiltered, and completely anonymous stories below.

Everyone’s in Your Business

Everyone’s in Your Business

Mom, 35 — First child, still expecting

Mom, 35 — First child, still expecting

“I was caught off guard when I started showing. I popped overnight, and that brought on a wave of gleeful strangers. I’m a bit of an introvert and tend to mask behind a resting bitch face, but apparently, a baby bump and the so-called pregnancy glow canceled that out. I went from wearing my invisibility cloak to feeling like I had a neon sign that said, Ask me about the most intimate parts of my life. That was a huge adjustment. I know most people mean well, but the ‘Are you sure it’s not twins?’ and ‘What are you having?’ or ‘When are you due?’ comments can be draining—especially for someone like me.

“I was caught off guard when I started showing. I popped overnight, and that brought on a wave of gleeful strangers. I’m a bit of an introvert and tend to mask behind a resting bitch face, but apparently, a baby bump and the so-called pregnancy glow canceled that out. I went from wearing my invisibility cloak to feeling like I had a neon sign that said, Ask me about the most intimate parts of my life. That was a huge adjustment. I know most people mean well, but the ‘Are you sure it’s not twins?’ and ‘What are you having?’ or ‘When are you due?’ comments can be draining—especially for someone like me.

One of the most unexpected physical changes was the gas, and not just regular gas, but trapped gas. I didn’t even know that was a thing until I spent a week in misery and ended up asking ChatGPT if I could die from it. Gas-X, yoga, position changes, massages… nothing worked. I even considered using the Frida Windi on myself at one point.

One of the most unexpected physical changes was the gas, and not just regular gas, but trapped gas. I didn’t even know that was a thing until I spent a week in misery and ended up asking ChatGPT if I could die from it. Gas-X, yoga, position changes, massages… nothing worked. I even considered using the Frida Windi on myself at one point.

I was also surprised by the pelvic pain and pressure. I expected heaviness in the sense of a belly feeling like a backpack worn on the front. But the pulling sensation and internal pressure—especially in the later stages—felt strange. I tried a belly band, but baby hated it: kicking, rolling, punching the entire time I wore it. It was weird but also kind of fascinating…

I was also surprised by the pelvic pain and pressure. I expected heaviness in the sense of a belly feeling like a backpack worn on the front. But the pulling sensation and internal pressure—especially in the later stages—felt strange. I tried a belly band, but baby hated it: kicking, rolling, punching the entire time I wore it. It was weird but also kind of fascinating…

…Which brings me to the last point. I didn’t expect to be so deeply in love with someone I haven’t even met. I feel like I’ve known this baby my whole life. I can sense what calms them, what agitates them. I can almost imagine their face. My heart is so full as I anxiously wait for baby’s arrival.”

…Which brings me to the last point. I didn’t expect to be so deeply in love with someone I haven’t even met. I feel like I’ve known this baby my whole life. I can sense what calms them, what agitates them. I can almost imagine their face. My heart is so full as I anxiously wait for baby’s arrival.”

Things Can Get Messy

Things Can Get Messy

Mom, 37 — Two children, 1 year and 4 years old

Mom, 37 — Two children, 1 year and 4 years old

My second pregnancy was nothing like my first. The only symptom of my first pregnancy was that I couldn’t stand the taste of water for a few weeks. With my second, I was miserable during that first trimester. Everything and everyone got on my nerves. The smell of foods I’d once loved made me nauseated and irritated. And then there was the poop.

My second pregnancy was nothing like my first. The only symptom of my first pregnancy was that I couldn’t stand the taste of water for a few weeks. With my second, I was miserable during that first trimester. Everything and everyone got on my nerves. The smell of foods I’d once loved made me nauseated and irritated. And then there was the poop.

One day, I decided to take my then two-year-old son to the park. I fed him and myself and walked out into the hot sun to give him some fresh air. Ten minutes after we got there, I realized I had to use the bathroom. But we’d just gotten there and I didn’t want to deprive my toddler, so I tried to hold it. I didn’t know that this pregnancy would mean holding it was no longer an option. Sadly, I came to this realization too late.

One day, I decided to take my then two-year-old son to the park. I fed him and myself and walked out into the hot sun to give him some fresh air. Ten minutes after we got there, I realized I had to use the bathroom. But we’d just gotten there and I didn’t want to deprive my toddler, so I tried to hold it. I didn’t know that this pregnancy would mean holding it was no longer an option. Sadly, I came to this realization too late.

I threw my son in his stroller and started to make my way home. But with each step, poop started exiting my body and sliding down my leg. So gross, so humbling. That five-minute walk home was one to remember.

I threw my son in his stroller and started to make my way home. But with each step, poop started exiting my body and sliding down my leg. So gross, so humbling. That five-minute walk home was one to remember.

Labor Takes Time + Bonding Can Be A Challenge

Labor Takes Time + Bonding Can Be A Challenge

Dad, 33 — One child, 9 months

Dad, 33 — One child, 9 months

“It’s ironic because literally we were at the baby shower and [my wife’s] homegirl was like, ‘They don’t talk about this but girl, you know it’s on and popping when you take a shit and throwing up at the same time.’ She just told us. If she didn’t tell me that, I would have really been freaking out.

“It’s ironic because literally we were at the baby shower and [my wife’s] homegirl was like, ‘They don’t talk about this but girl, you know it’s on and popping when you take a shit and throwing up at the same time.’ She just told us. If she didn’t tell me that, I would have really been freaking out.

We didn’t have our baby until Monday, but my wife went into labor on Friday. Our doula at the time told us we didn’t have to rush to the hospital. My wife didn’t even call and tell nobody. Her water broke on Friday. She tried to go to work on Saturday. She went to brunch. Having a time! I’m like, ‘You’re about to have a baby!’ She just threw a pad on; she’s constantly leaking. That was crazy. I never knew that’s how it went. I thought it was just a splash and stuff just start hitting the fan. But it’s a whole process, a build-up.”

We didn’t have our baby until Monday, but my wife went into labor on Friday. Our doula at the time told us we didn’t have to rush to the hospital. My wife didn’t even call and tell nobody. Her water broke on Friday. She tried to go to work on Saturday. She went to brunch. Having a time! I’m like, ‘You’re about to have a baby!’ She just threw a pad on; she’s constantly leaking. That was crazy. I never knew that’s how it went. I thought it was just a splash and stuff just start hitting the fan. But it’s a whole process, a build-up.”

Additionally…

Additionally…

“Also, a challenge I had never considered—but found myself experiencing—was bonding with my daughter. When she first arrived, she wanted her mother—only. This created tension in our house because I felt unable to support my wife in the way she needed and deserved. She always had to be present—especially for feedings and bedtime—since our daughter was breastfeeding and hadn’t adapted to the bottle.

“Also, a challenge I had never considered—but found myself experiencing—was bonding with my daughter. When she first arrived, she wanted her mother—only. This created tension in our house because I felt unable to support my wife in the way she needed and deserved. She always had to be present—especially for feedings and bedtime—since our daughter was breastfeeding and hadn’t adapted to the bottle.

It also made me feel undesired by my child. I wanted her to feel safe and comfortable with me immediately and I hadn’t anticipated that she might not feel instantly connected to me. It took time—but eventually, our bond developed naturally. That moment felt celebratory for me.”

It also made me feel undesired by my child. I wanted her to feel safe and comfortable with me immediately and I hadn’t anticipated that she might not feel instantly connected to me. It took time—but eventually, our bond developed naturally. That moment felt celebratory for me.”

You’re Seeing Things

You’re Seeing Things

Mom, 35 — One child, 2 years old

Mom, 35 — One child, 2 years old

My midwife warned me to write down everyone’s number who said they would help because if you don’t get enough sleep, you’re going to start hallucinating. And there were a few times when I got there.

My midwife warned me to write down everyone’s number who said they would help because if you don’t get enough sleep, you’re going to start hallucinating. And there were a few times when I got there.

Mom, 37 — Two children, 4 and 1 years old

Mom, 37 — Two children, 4 and 1 years old

I had a hallucination in the hospital. When my daughter was born, she looked so much like my sister. One time I looked at her before I picked her up to nurse, and I really thought I was feeding my little sister.

I had a hallucination in the hospital. When my daughter was born, she looked so much like my sister. One time I looked at her before I picked her up to nurse, and I really thought I was feeding my little sister.

Always show up in the way that your children need you to present yourself. Accountability in parenthood is such a challenging aspect for many parents — understandably. From your perspective, you are doing the absolute best by your standards, but then there’s that intention versus impact. There are not any guidelines that detail the “right” way to parent, but I believe our children serve as our manual on how to parent them individually. While parenting, many of us tend to rear our children through our own lenses, without consideration of the child or what they need at that moment — instead of what we believe they need. Imagine going to a restaurant to order chicken and the waiter decides a vegetarian option is better — that would cause some unrest, right?

Perfection in correlation to parenthood is not realistic. There will be times when we fall short, but our actions immediately following our shortfall make all the difference. In my experience as a child to my parents, I was not permitted to address my parents’ shortcomings regarding how their actions impacted me, despite their intentions. Consequently, there was a long-term rift in our relationship due to a lack of accountability and how certain choices affected me. However, I believe my experience encouraged development and resilience — but at what expense? In parenting my own children, I am possibly overly conscious of how I was parented and ensuring that I take a different approach. My children are still fairly young, but how my actions affect them is always at the forefront of my mind when navigating life with them. It is best to address issues promptly, because once damage is done, it is very challenging to recover. There is much more work required for the parent to repair the damaged link in the chain, despite reconciliation and acknowledgment after a significant amount of time has passed.

Perfection in correlation to parenthood is not realistic. There will be times when we fall short, but our actions immediately following our shortfall make all the difference. In my experience as a child to my parents, I was not permitted to address my parents’ shortcomings regarding how their actions impacted me, despite their intentions. Consequently, there was a long-term rift in our relationship due to a lack of accountability and how certain choices affected me. However, I believe my experience encouraged development and resilience — but at what expense? In parenting my own children, I am possibly overly conscious of how I was parented and ensuring that I take a different approach. My children are still fairly young, but how my actions affect them is always at the forefront of my mind when navigating life with them. It is best to address issues promptly, because once damage is done, it is very challenging to recover. There is much more work required for the parent to repair the damaged link in the chain, despite reconciliation and acknowledgment after a significant amount of time has passed.

My goal is to lead by example by being an accountable parent to my children. Children are like blank canvases, and they do not know what we do not teach them. Modeling the behavior we would like them to exhibit is crucial in developing accountable people. In the moments that I am short-tempered, I try to immediately identify it and apologize to my children, being that my behavior or response is no fault of their own. I heavily depend on communication as a means to acknowledge mistakes and the ability to recover from them. By being an accountable parent and integrating model behaviors, I believe this will curate the foundation for a successful child-parent relationship and the development of a future accountable adult.

My goal is to lead by example by being an accountable parent to my children. Children are like blank canvases, and they do not know what we do not teach them. Modeling the behavior we would like them to exhibit is crucial in developing accountable people. In the moments that I am short-tempered, I try to immediately identify it and apologize to my children, being that my behavior or response is no fault of their own. I heavily depend on communication as a means to acknowledge mistakes and the ability to recover from them. By being an accountable parent and integrating model behaviors, I believe this will curate the foundation for a successful child-parent relationship and the development of a future accountable adult.

Accountability does not always feel good, but leaning into it is most important for the greater good of your relationship with your children. There will come a time when your children no longer need you and have the option to choose you… or not.

Accountability does not always feel good, but leaning into it is most important for the greater good of your relationship with your children. There will come a time when your children no longer need you and have the option to choose you… or not.

Here are five resources to assist with accountability and how it relates to parenthood:

Here are five resources to assist with accountability and how it relates to parenthood:

1. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

1. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

Clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

2. Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

2. Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

This essential guide by clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson offers daily, practical ways to help you heal the invisible wounds caused by immature parents, nurture self-awareness, trust your emotions, improve relationships, and stop putting others’ needs ahead of your own.

This essential guide by clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson offers daily, practical ways to help you heal the invisible wounds caused by immature parents, nurture self-awareness, trust your emotions, improve relationships, and stop putting others’ needs ahead of your own.

3. The Power of Accountability in Parenting

3. The Power of Accountability in Parenting

Dr. Rini Mathai explores the parenting journey and accountability standing as a cornerstone, shaping not only the character of our children but also the foundation of their future success. Understanding and embracing accountability becomes paramount as we navigate the intricacies of raising resilient and responsible individuals.

Dr. Rini Mathai explores the parenting journey and accountability standing as a cornerstone, shaping not only the character of our children but also the foundation of their future success. Understanding and embracing accountability becomes paramount as we navigate the intricacies of raising resilient and responsible individuals.

4. Conscious Accountability and Parenting

4. Conscious Accountability and Parenting

Dr. Daryn David explores how we can bring the conscious accountability practices of noticing, deep inquiry, and open-minded listening to a situation that really matters, we just might discover information that helps us respond in a more sensitive, in-tune way to the people in our life who matter most.

Dr. Daryn David explores how we can bring the conscious accountability practices of noticing, deep inquiry, and open-minded listening to a situation that really matters, we just might discover information that helps us respond in a more sensitive, in-tune way to the people in our life who matter most.

5. Blaming Your Parents Versus Holding Them Accountable

5. Blaming Your Parents Versus Holding Them Accountable

Hannah Alderete MA, LMHC explores the distinction between blame and accountability: Blame is putting all the responsibility onto someone for a particular outcome, whereas holding someone accountable is acknowledging that their actions have impacted us somehow. In holding someone accountable, we also take ownership of our feelings and reactions.

Hannah Alderete MA, LMHC explores the distinction between blame and accountability: Blame is putting all the responsibility onto someone for a particular outcome, whereas holding someone accountable is acknowledging that their actions have impacted us somehow. In holding someone accountable, we also take ownership of our feelings and reactions.

There is nothing else in the world that compares to the start of a Saturday morning in the Gurley household to me. I am cuddling with my children Jackson and Jameison on the couch, the tangy tangerine, fresh guava, and green grass aroma of the Sensational Storm scented candle permeates throughout the house, and the radiant sun is shining through the open blinds as the soulful sounds of Frankie Beverly blares from my JBL Partybox Essential, “Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo… Happy feelings in the air… Touching people everywhere… Plenty love and everything. Listen to the people sing”. As I spend this time with my children, I find the moment reminiscent of my own childhood. These intimate moments that I am blessed to share with my children invoke reflection on all the time I was able to spend with my own father and the time I was not able to spend with him following his untimely passing in 2014. Nostalgia is typically associated with happy feelings and longing to relive an experience, generally a joyful or positive one. However, there is no formula to prepare you for nostalgia and its connection to grief; the ability to provide solace and to be a trigger for sadness. 

December 23, 2014, eleven Christmas’s passed, ten birthdays gone, two degrees earned, purchasing my first car, a few career changes, relocation across the country, marrying the woman of my dreams, purchasing our first home, creating two beautiful children and with all of these changes I still wish my father was here to live these experiences with me. Out of all the things that have happened since my father’s passing, I really wish he had the opportunity to meet my wife and our children most. Three thousand eight hundred seventeen days ago and I can still vividly recall every one of the details from that entire day when I lost my father. Oddly, much of the time I feel like it just happened, although it was several years ago but the beat goes on.

December 23, 2014, eleven Christmas’s passed, ten birthdays gone, two degrees earned, purchasing my first car, a few career changes, relocation across the country, marrying the woman of my dreams, purchasing our first home, creating two beautiful children and with all of these changes I still wish my father was here to live these experiences with me. Out of all the things that have happened since my father’s passing, I really wish he had the opportunity to meet my wife and our children most. Three thousand eight hundred seventeen days ago and I can still vividly recall every one of the details from that entire day when I lost my father. Oddly, much of the time I feel like it just happened, although it was several years ago but the beat goes on.

I discovered my love for music and listening to it at earsplitting volume from my father. I can remember as a boy, my father had a stereo system in the living room and one in his bedroom, as well as multiple CD racks to house the CD cases and books with plastic sleeves filled from cover to cover with physical CDs. Barry White, Luther Vandross, Outkast, Jay-Z, Big L, Big Pun, you name them, and I’d bet my last that he had their music. For the music that was too explicit my mother would make him listen to it in stereo headphones you know the big black over the head earphones, but he listened so loudly I was still able to hear and learn the lyrics, “Wu-tang Clan ain’t nothing to…” well you know the rest. 

I discovered my love for music and listening to it at earsplitting volume from my father. I can remember as a boy, my father had a stereo system in the living room and one in his bedroom, as well as multiple CD racks to house the CD cases and books with plastic sleeves filled from cover to cover with physical CDs. Barry White, Luther Vandross, Outkast, Jay-Z, Big L, Big Pun, you name them, and I’d bet my last that he had their music. For the music that was too explicit my mother would make him listen to it in stereo headphones you know the big black over the head earphones, but he listened so loudly I was still able to hear and learn the lyrics, “Wu-tang Clan ain’t nothing to…” well you know the rest. 

I’ve adopted this same tradition with my own children exposing them to many artists across many genres of music. Saturday mornings and weekday evenings before dinner we have jam sessions listening to all types of music. Jackson and I dance and sing to the top of our lungs to some songs while we sit and bop our heads to others. I always wonder if my father was here to listen to music with us what would be the song he’d say I have to play this for the kids. I am grateful that my father shared his love for music with me thus strengthening our bond and allowing me to create and share that same love to further bond with my own children. 

I’ve adopted this same tradition with my own children exposing them to many artists across many genres of music. Saturday mornings and weekday evenings before dinner we have jam sessions listening to all types of music. Jackson and I dance and sing to the top of our lungs to some songs while we sit and bop our heads to others. I always wonder if my father was here to listen to music with us what would be the song he’d say I have to play this for the kids. I am grateful that my father shared his love for music with me thus strengthening our bond and allowing me to create and share that same love to further bond with my own children. 

It brings me immense joy to honor my father’s legacy through the continuance of our traditions with my own children. Here are five more ways that I commemorate my father’s presence and navigate grief: 

It brings me immense joy to honor my father’s legacy through the continuance of our traditions with my own children. Here are five more ways that I commemorate my father’s presence and navigate grief: 

• Rula Mental Health

• Rula Mental Health

Rula Mental Health aims to create a world where every person can access high- quality mental health care. The team provides clinical excellence through connecting patients to providers for mental health services. There are over one hundred forty million people with in-network access to mental health services with Rula, a network of more than 15,000 providers, and a 98% exact match to providers based on the agency’s unique match system. 

Rula Mental Health aims to create a world where every person can access high- quality mental health care. The team provides clinical excellence through connecting patients to providers for mental health services. There are over one hundred forty million people with in-network access to mental health services with Rula, a network of more than 15,000 providers, and a 98% exact match to providers based on the agency’s unique match system. 

• Skylight Touchscreen Digital Picture Frame 

• Skylight Touchscreen Digital Picture Frame 

The ten-inch touchscreen digital picture frame allows almost immediate sharing of photos from anywhere. It can be gifted with special moments preloaded prior to unboxing. 

The ten-inch touchscreen digital picture frame allows almost immediate sharing of photos from anywhere. It can be gifted with special moments preloaded prior to unboxing. 

• Jeffrey Mason’s Family Keepsake Journal

• Jeffrey Mason’s Family Keepsake Journal

The Family Keepsake Journal is a way for Fathers and other family members to share their memories and experiences over the course of their lives in a fun and engaging manner that creates a special gift for the entire family.

The Family Keepsake Journal is a way for Fathers and other family members to share their memories and experiences over the course of their lives in a fun and engaging manner that creates a special gift for the entire family.

• Lime & Lou Lyrically Yours Father Daughter Dance Canvas 

• Lime & Lou Lyrically Yours Father Daughter Dance Canvas 

This Framed vinyl record personalized with names, a special memory, a song, and the lyrics come in four sizes ranging from extra small to extra-large. This personalized canvas intertwines music and memories into a priceless piece of art. 

This Framed vinyl record personalized with names, a special memory, a song, and the lyrics come in four sizes ranging from extra small to extra-large. This personalized canvas intertwines music and memories into a priceless piece of art. 

• Carissa Potter’s People I’ve Loved Sitting With Sadness Deck 

• Carissa Potter’s People I’ve Loved Sitting With Sadness Deck 

This deck contains 45 prompts and 7 wishes with the purpose of assisting with processing and managing grief and mourning. The intention of this deck is to equip the reader with tools to remember, love, and cherish the memory of someone that they have lost.

This deck contains 45 prompts and 7 wishes with the purpose of assisting with processing and managing grief and mourning. The intention of this deck is to equip the reader with tools to remember, love, and cherish the memory of someone that they have lost.

What does self-care look like? It doesn’t always look the way I’d like it to look, but I make it work. The ideal self-care day, for me, would be a day of absolute relaxation. No requests from anyone — spending the entire day at an all-inclusive resort on an island with some unadulterated fun, accompanied by a mild cigar and a smooth cocktail.

IDEAL SCENARIO: Specifically, The Royalton in Saint Lucia with its flavorful dining options and tranquil spa; an Ashton Magnum cigar with tasting notes of cream and coffee bean; and a whiskey sour made with Sir Davis Whiskey, if I had it my way.

IDEAL SCENARIO: Specifically, The Royalton in Saint Lucia with its flavorful dining options and tranquil spa; an Ashton Magnum cigar with tasting notes of cream and coffee bean; and a whiskey sour made with Sir Davis Whiskey, if I had it my way.

However, with a family comprised of two adults, two children under 3, and two English bulldogs, the work feels as if it is never done. Self-care is 5 a.m. workouts, being that there aren’t home or work demands at that ungodly hour.

However, with a family comprised of two adults, two children under 3, and two English bulldogs, the work feels as if it is never done. Self-care is 5 a.m. workouts, being that there aren’t home or work demands at that ungodly hour.

DAD HACK: I just hop on my Peloton bike or treadmill to get the day started by moving my body.

DAD HACK: I just hop on my Peloton bike or treadmill to get the day started by moving my body.

Self-care is starting therapy prior to the birth of your first child and increasing the appointment frequency upon expectation of your second child — knowing how tough the adjustment was the first time — and making sure you stay ahead of it.

Self-care is starting therapy prior to the birth of your first child and increasing the appointment frequency upon expectation of your second child — knowing how tough the adjustment was the first time — and making sure you stay ahead of it.

DAD HACK: Rula was extremely useful in the process of finding my therapist, and Rula partners with many of the major insurance companies — mine being one — which was a plus for me!

DAD HACK: Rula was extremely useful in the process of finding my therapist, and Rula partners with many of the major insurance companies — mine being one — which was a plus for me!

Self-care is realizing that the brain has an interesting way of curating stories, but it is our responsibility to discern whether to subscribe to the narrative or not. Life is going to look different than your “normal” once you become a father. The expectations you set for yourself professionally and personally need to be rooted in reality and attuned to be in alignment with your new “normal.” Bidding farewell to your old routines and accepting that life doesn’t look like what it did in the past — and that’s fine. Essentially, being malleable and embracing the lifestyle changes associated with fatherhood. Finding quiet moments is a delight when the opportunity presents itself, even if it’s you sitting on the toilet a little longer than you need to.

Self-care is realizing that the brain has an interesting way of curating stories, but it is our responsibility to discern whether to subscribe to the narrative or not. Life is going to look different than your “normal” once you become a father. The expectations you set for yourself professionally and personally need to be rooted in reality and attuned to be in alignment with your new “normal.” Bidding farewell to your old routines and accepting that life doesn’t look like what it did in the past — and that’s fine. Essentially, being malleable and embracing the lifestyle changes associated with fatherhood. Finding quiet moments is a delight when the opportunity presents itself, even if it’s you sitting on the toilet a little longer than you need to.

Self-care is finding refuge in your wife and your community — having honest, vulnerable, and transparent conversations about how you are feeling and faring with parenthood at any given moment. I find myself trying to carry the weight of the world alone, as if I must, but that’s just my brain doing that thing again. Fortunately for me, I don’t have to. With the love, understanding, and everlasting support of my wife — in addition to the accessibility and guidance of the community I have established, comprised of several other Black fathers — an outlet is almost always accessible to me. It is important to surround yourself with people that can relate to where you are and that are equipped with the tools to support you. Sometimes advice is sought, other times it’s just for someone to hear you — and most of the time, it’s a cigar at the local smoke lounge or drinks and great eats at a restaurant, where we do not bring the kids.

Self-care is finding refuge in your wife and your community — having honest, vulnerable, and transparent conversations about how you are feeling and faring with parenthood at any given moment. I find myself trying to carry the weight of the world alone, as if I must, but that’s just my brain doing that thing again. Fortunately for me, I don’t have to. With the love, understanding, and everlasting support of my wife — in addition to the accessibility and guidance of the community I have established, comprised of several other Black fathers — an outlet is almost always accessible to me. It is important to surround yourself with people that can relate to where you are and that are equipped with the tools to support you. Sometimes advice is sought, other times it’s just for someone to hear you — and most of the time, it’s a cigar at the local smoke lounge or drinks and great eats at a restaurant, where we do not bring the kids.

Self-care may look different amongst fathers, but it is imperative to ensure that you are at your best so that your little person or little people engage with the finest version of you. Recharging is necessary for us too — because, like our phones, operating on power save mode will keep the lights on but reduce performance and limit our most favorable features.

Self-care may look different amongst fathers, but it is imperative to ensure that you are at your best so that your little person or little people engage with the finest version of you. Recharging is necessary for us too — because, like our phones, operating on power save mode will keep the lights on but reduce performance and limit our most favorable features.

Despite limited depictions of Black fathers in mainstream media, we all know great Black dads. A good father is one who is patient. He is a provider and respected figure. From the leader of our own families to the men we’ve watched evolve into fathers, fatherhood looks good on Black men.

This Father’s Day we’re spotlighting five Black fathers who are holding down their households as powerhouse parents.

This Father’s Day we’re spotlighting five Black fathers who are holding down their households as powerhouse parents.

Steven York, 37, 2 Children 

Steven York, 37, 2 Children 

What do you love about being a father?

What do you love about being a father?

You can be in the worst mood, and having the worst day ever, but when you see your family with open arms — so excited to see you, you forget about everything else.

You can be in the worst mood, and having the worst day ever, but when you see your family with open arms — so excited to see you, you forget about everything else.

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

The love that you receive from your children is like no other. The way they look up to me.

The love that you receive from your children is like no other. The way they look up to me.

What has fatherhood taught you?

What has fatherhood taught you?

I thought I knew what unconditional love was, but I found the real meaning when I had my kids.

I thought I knew what unconditional love was, but I found the real meaning when I had my kids.

John Moody, 37, 2 Children

John Moody, 37, 2 Children

What do you love about being a father?

What do you love about being a father?

The thing I love most is the look they give me. They look at me with such admiration and belief like I’m superman. 

The thing I love most is the look they give me. They look at me with such admiration and belief like I’m superman. 

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

The most rewarding part about being a father is no matter how I’m feeling, what I’m dealing with, what’s going on in the outside, my kids bring me peace.

The most rewarding part about being a father is no matter how I’m feeling, what I’m dealing with, what’s going on in the outside, my kids bring me peace.

What has fatherhood taught you?

What has fatherhood taught you?

Fatherhood has taught me patience, listening and communication skills such as tone, delivery, verbiage. It’s also taught me a new sense of awareness, that I’m always being watched, so I carry myself better because I know my sons emulate me.

Fatherhood has taught me patience, listening and communication skills such as tone, delivery, verbiage. It’s also taught me a new sense of awareness, that I’m always being watched, so I carry myself better because I know my sons emulate me.

Elliot John, 36, 3 Children

Elliot John, 36, 3 Children

What do you love about being a father?

What do you love about being a father?

What I love most about being a father is seeing my kids in good spirits. The fact they call me and spend all my money – I don’t even care! They always make me proud and tell me how much they love me.

What I love most about being a father is seeing my kids in good spirits. The fact they call me and spend all my money – I don’t even care! They always make me proud and tell me how much they love me.

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

The most rewarding part about being a dad is raising my kids in a good home. Now I’m getting ready to watch them grow into adulthood and become something in life. Knowing that I made a positive impact on my child’s life and helping them reach that next level in life. 

The most rewarding part about being a dad is raising my kids in a good home. Now I’m getting ready to watch them grow into adulthood and become something in life. Knowing that I made a positive impact on my child’s life and helping them reach that next level in life. 

What has fatherhood taught you?

What has fatherhood taught you?

Fatherhood has honestly taught me how to be a better person and a better father. Without my kids I honestly wouldn’t know what direction my life would go in. I’m glad they’re here because I learned so much from them and it helped shaped me to be the man I am today. I’m grateful for them.

Fatherhood has honestly taught me how to be a better person and a better father. Without my kids I honestly wouldn’t know what direction my life would go in. I’m glad they’re here because I learned so much from them and it helped shaped me to be the man I am today. I’m grateful for them.

William Morris IV, 35, One Child

William Morris IV, 35, One Child

What do you love about being a father?

What do you love about being a father?

I love knowing that I have someone looking up to me and depending on me to show her love. It gives me a deeper understanding on how to love and an added responsibility and motivation knowing I have my daughter depending on me.

I love knowing that I have someone looking up to me and depending on me to show her love. It gives me a deeper understanding on how to love and an added responsibility and motivation knowing I have my daughter depending on me.

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

The most rewarding part is the joy I get from having her in my life. It’s rewarding getting to see her growth and evolution. 

The most rewarding part is the joy I get from having her in my life. It’s rewarding getting to see her growth and evolution. 

What has fatherhood taught you?

What has fatherhood taught you?

Fatherhood has taught me to be more patient in life. It taught me to try to understand people more instead of judging because we don’t know how other people were raised and brought up.

Fatherhood has taught me to be more patient in life. It taught me to try to understand people more instead of judging because we don’t know how other people were raised and brought up.

Bernard Smalls, 42, 1 Child

Bernard Smalls, 42, 1 Child

What do you love about being a father?

What do you love about being a father?

I love the responsibility of seeing that smile every morning when I come into the nursery to feed him. I love seeing that joy in his big ole eyes, and just bonding with him every day, building our father/son connection. 

I love the responsibility of seeing that smile every morning when I come into the nursery to feed him. I love seeing that joy in his big ole eyes, and just bonding with him every day, building our father/son connection. 

What is the most rewarding part about being a father? 

What is the most rewarding part about being a father? 

The newfound purpose that it has brought to my life. That same purpose is something that I didn’t know I wanted, and something I didn’t know I absolutely needed to better myself mentally. 

The newfound purpose that it has brought to my life. That same purpose is something that I didn’t know I wanted, and something I didn’t know I absolutely needed to better myself mentally. 

What has fatherhood taught you? 

What has fatherhood taught you? 

It has taught me to be a man on another level. It has taught me a love I never experienced before. Fatherhood has taught me how to be a better protector and partner to my girlfriend.

It has taught me to be a man on another level. It has taught me a love I never experienced before. Fatherhood has taught me how to be a better protector and partner to my girlfriend.

I never told the full truth when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. The only thing I really wanted to be was grown. I knew better than to say that though. My entire childhood had warned me against it. When I eavesdropped on my mom’s chats, I was told: “Stay out of grown folks’ conversation.” If I popped too much when I danced, I was being fast. Even something as small as the wrong nail polish color could come with a reprimand: “Stop trying to be grown.” 

Womanhood is not a battle easily won. I’ve achieved the archaic, patriarchal markers of getting married and having children and I still can’t pinpoint when I started feeling like a woman. 

Womanhood is not a battle easily won. I’ve achieved the archaic, patriarchal markers of getting married and having children and I still can’t pinpoint when I started feeling like a woman. 

It took me having a son to realize that while girls have to strive toward womanhood, the same is not true for boys and their manhood. 

It took me having a son to realize that while girls have to strive toward womanhood, the same is not true for boys and their manhood. 

At three-years-old, my son already calls himself a man.

At three-years-old, my son already calls himself a man.

I can see how he came to this conclusion. From infancy, he’s been his grandfather’s “little man,” his father’s “bro.” It’s endearing but I wonder if this default manhood leaves boys struggling to define what manhood truly is by the time they’re ready for the title. 

I can see how he came to this conclusion. From infancy, he’s been his grandfather’s “little man,” his father’s “bro.” It’s endearing but I wonder if this default manhood leaves boys struggling to define what manhood truly is by the time they’re ready for the title. 

We know all about the adultification that happens to Black children in the school system, by the criminal justice system and society at large. But there are ways our own intra-communal behaviors contribute to this phenomenon. Licensed marriage and family therapist Lamonte Coke explained why members of the Black community might use this language. 

We know all about the adultification that happens to Black children in the school system, by the criminal justice system and society at large. But there are ways our own intra-communal behaviors contribute to this phenomenon. Licensed marriage and family therapist Lamonte Coke explained why members of the Black community might use this language. 

“You want to say, ‘What’s up, lil man?’ because you want them to be tough, to be confident, to be able,” Coke explained. “You don’t necessarily say, “What’s up little softie?” But that’s what they are. What’s up, scary? What’s up, nervous? That’s the reality of a baby.”

“You want to say, ‘What’s up, lil man?’ because you want them to be tough, to be confident, to be able,” Coke explained. “You don’t necessarily say, “What’s up little softie?” But that’s what they are. What’s up, scary? What’s up, nervous? That’s the reality of a baby.”

Instead of placing these monikers on the children, it’s more realistic to make a distinction, allowing the boy to remain a child and the man to model healthy, adult-like behaviors. 

Instead of placing these monikers on the children, it’s more realistic to make a distinction, allowing the boy to remain a child and the man to model healthy, adult-like behaviors. 

“Call them my baby boy,” Coke says. 

“Call them my baby boy,” Coke says. 

Putting the label of man on a boy doesn’t allow the child to lean into the inherent softness and vulnerability of this stage. 

Putting the label of man on a boy doesn’t allow the child to lean into the inherent softness and vulnerability of this stage. 

“That’s why it’s hard for little boys to cry and be sensitive and emotional,” Coke said. “We don’t have a lot of Black men that nurture that.”

“That’s why it’s hard for little boys to cry and be sensitive and emotional,” Coke said. “We don’t have a lot of Black men that nurture that.”

I’d argue that as a society, we’re all a little unclear about what manhood is in the first place. This confusion has led to the all too frequent discussions about the “high value man.” It’s responsible for the ways in which men are still struggling to adjust to women– and particularly Black women– in positions of power. It shows up in the repetitive conversations we have around gender roles. Calling boys men only adds to the confusion.

I’d argue that as a society, we’re all a little unclear about what manhood is in the first place. This confusion has led to the all too frequent discussions about the “high value man.” It’s responsible for the ways in which men are still struggling to adjust to women– and particularly Black women– in positions of power. It shows up in the repetitive conversations we have around gender roles. Calling boys men only adds to the confusion.

“If you’re called a man, you’re not even given a chance to develop as a boy,” Coke said. 

“If you’re called a man, you’re not even given a chance to develop as a boy,” Coke said. 

Furthermore, the premature label isn’t rooted in anything real. 

Furthermore, the premature label isn’t rooted in anything real. 

For so many, manhood is based on false conceptions like money and sexual prowess. Boys who’ve been labeled men are susceptible to these traps. Boys who define masculinity through wealth may do dangerous things to acquire it. Even when money is earned righteously, problems arise if they are ever without it. 

For so many, manhood is based on false conceptions like money and sexual prowess. Boys who’ve been labeled men are susceptible to these traps. Boys who define masculinity through wealth may do dangerous things to acquire it. Even when money is earned righteously, problems arise if they are ever without it. 

“What happens when you don’t have money? Then what are you now?” Coke asks. “You didn’t understand what a man truly is. The foundational components of a man are not what his bank account looks like. That’s not what creates a man.”

“What happens when you don’t have money? Then what are you now?” Coke asks. “You didn’t understand what a man truly is. The foundational components of a man are not what his bank account looks like. That’s not what creates a man.”

The boys who believe sex makes them men are easy targets for sexual abuse at the hands of older individuals. Instead of recognizing this dynamic as abusive, a child with a warped sense of manhood can believe romance is characterized by manipulation and brokenness. 

The boys who believe sex makes them men are easy targets for sexual abuse at the hands of older individuals. Instead of recognizing this dynamic as abusive, a child with a warped sense of manhood can believe romance is characterized by manipulation and brokenness. 

In a society that struggles to define manhood outside of external influences and toxicity, we should allow Black boys the chance to enjoy childhood. If we assign labels too quickly it adds unnecessary pressure to be something that may not be who our children really are. The entire community suffers as a result. 

In a society that struggles to define manhood outside of external influences and toxicity, we should allow Black boys the chance to enjoy childhood. If we assign labels too quickly it adds unnecessary pressure to be something that may not be who our children really are. The entire community suffers as a result. 

Usually, boyhood idioms are used to allow boy children and even grown men to evade accountability and fairness. But when it comes to the way we label the Black boys in our families and communities, I’m going to evoke one we might want to reframe: Let the boys be boys.

Usually, boyhood idioms are used to allow boy children and even grown men to evade accountability and fairness. But when it comes to the way we label the Black boys in our families and communities, I’m going to evoke one we might want to reframe: Let the boys be boys.