We spoke with licensed professional counselor Theresa Rose to help identify the signs of depression—whether in your children, your partner, or even yourself.

The thought of depression often conjures images of an unkempt adult—unwashed, withdrawn, and unable to function. And while that can be one form it takes, depression manifests in many ways, across different age groups and experiences. There is no one way to be depressed.

We spoke with licensed professional counselor Theresa Rose to help identify the signs of depression—whether in your children, your partner, or even yourself.

Understanding Depression vs. Intense Emotions

First, Rose made a distinction between intense emotions, situational sadness, and clinical depression.

“For clinical depression, there is a timeframe,” she explained. “With persistent depression, you’re depressed for two years. There’s cyclical depression that can happen every two weeks. Signs can include isolating yourself, changes in appetite or interests, and the big one: suicidal ideation.”

Depression in Children

Signs of depression in children can differ significantly from adults.

“For children, it’s acting out—behavioral,” Rose noted.

Children may not articulate their sadness in words, but instead through frustration, rebellion, or sudden mood shifts.

Understanding Depression vs. Intense Emotions

First, Rose made a distinction between intense emotions, situational sadness, and clinical depression.

“For clinical depression, there is a timeframe,” she explained. “With persistent depression, you’re depressed for two years. There’s cyclical depression that can happen every two weeks. Signs can include isolating yourself, changes in appetite or interests, and the big one: suicidal ideation.”

Depression in Children

Signs of depression in children can differ significantly from adults.

“For children, it’s acting out—behavioral,” Rose noted.

Children may not articulate their sadness in words, but instead through frustration, rebellion, or sudden mood shifts.

Why It’s Harder to Spot in the Black Community

Depression can be tricky to identify in the Black community because of how we’ve been socialized to mask it.

“We put on a big show,” said Rose. “‘I’m strong, I’m independent, I can do this.’ But behind closed doors, there’s a lot more going on.”

This tendency to hide emotions is especially common among Black mothers, who often prioritize their families’ needs above their own. Even when someone is masking their depression, there may still be behaviors that speak to the truth of their experience.

“It could be drinking, or not wanting to leave the house,” she added. “If they’re working a lot, they might be pouring energy into everything but the problem.”

The Lingering Nature of Postpartum Depression

Rose, a mother herself, has experienced both postpartum depression and trauma. She noted that postpartum depression often lasts longer than people expect.

“They’ll say, ‘You’ve got a year and then you’ll be fine.’ But postpartum can linger for many years.”

Signs can include:

Body dysmorphia
Grieving the person you were before becoming a parent
Harsh self-criticism
Comparing yourself to others
Resenting parenting altogether

When It’s Time for Help

If you’re experiencing clinical depression, professional help is essential. In addition to therapy or medical support, Rose stresses the importance of self-care and open communication with your support system.

For young children, treatment may look different.

“Play therapy works well,” Rose shared. “Kids tend to draw things or express themselves through games. Even a game of Uno can open the door. A child might say, ‘My mom and dad got into an argument and it made me sad.’”

Encouraging children to name their emotions gives them permission to feel without shame—and invites deeper dialogue.

For Parents: Understanding Without Shame

Rose urges parents to avoid judgment or guilt if their child is struggling.

“A lot of parents don’t know what to look for,” she said. “The first thing they might say is, ‘Where did I go wrong?’ No. That’s not the first response. The first response should be, ‘How can I help?’ or ‘What do I need to do?’”

Even if a child is already in therapy, Rose emphasized that follow-through at home is key.

“You can’t rely on the school system. You can’t drop them off at therapy and expect a full transformation. Parents have to implement those skills too. Everything is collaborative.”

What Depression Looks Like in Fathers

Why It’s Harder to Spot in the Black Community

Depression can be tricky to identify in the Black community because of how we’ve been socialized to mask it.

“We put on a big show,” said Rose. “‘I’m strong, I’m independent, I can do this.’ But behind closed doors, there’s a lot more going on.”

This tendency to hide emotions is especially common among Black mothers, who often prioritize their families’ needs above their own. Even when someone is masking their depression, there may still be behaviors that speak to the truth of their experience.

“It could be drinking, or not wanting to leave the house,” she added. “If they’re working a lot, they might be pouring energy into everything but the problem.”

The Lingering Nature of Postpartum Depression

Rose, a mother herself, has experienced both postpartum depression and trauma. She noted that postpartum depression often lasts longer than people expect.

“They’ll say, ‘You’ve got a year and then you’ll be fine.’ But postpartum can linger for many years.”

Signs can include:

Body dysmorphia
Grieving the person you were before becoming a parent
Harsh self-criticism
Comparing yourself to others
Resenting parenting altogether

When It’s Time for Help

If you’re experiencing clinical depression, professional help is essential. In addition to therapy or medical support, Rose stresses the importance of self-care and open communication with your support system.

For young children, treatment may look different.

“Play therapy works well,” Rose shared. “Kids tend to draw things or express themselves through games. Even a game of Uno can open the door. A child might say, ‘My mom and dad got into an argument and it made me sad.’”

Encouraging children to name their emotions gives them permission to feel without shame—and invites deeper dialogue.

For Parents: Understanding Without Shame

Rose urges parents to avoid judgment or guilt if their child is struggling.

“A lot of parents don’t know what to look for,” she said. “The first thing they might say is, ‘Where did I go wrong?’ No. That’s not the first response. The first response should be, ‘How can I help?’ or ‘What do I need to do?’”

Even if a child is already in therapy, Rose emphasized that follow-through at home is key.

“You can’t rely on the school system. You can’t drop them off at therapy and expect a full transformation. Parents have to implement those skills too. Everything is collaborative.”

What Depression Looks Like in Fathers

Fathers are often left out of mental health conversations—but they struggle too. Warning signs in men can include:

Poor problem-solving skills
Changes in sex drive
Promiscuous behavior
Emotional unavailability or complete withdrawal from family life

Some fathers may be physically present but emotionally absent.

“Men tend to stuff their feelings down, and when those feelings erupt, it can come out in dysfunctional—or even criminal—ways,” Rose explained.

But there is hope.

“There are more Black men in therapy now than ever before. They’re pushing to get the help they need.”

How Families Can Be Proactive

To protect mental wellness in the home, Rose suggests weekly family check-ins.

“Do activities—game night, a communication jar where children can express themselves without fear of consequences. Let them say, ‘I don’t like when you do this,’ or ‘I feel like you’re not listening.’ If you limit how your children express themselves, they’ll stop telling you things altogether.”

Ultimately, the key is listening—without judgment—and leading with compassion.

Fathers are often left out of mental health conversations—but they struggle too. Warning signs in men can include:

Poor problem-solving skills
Changes in sex drive
Promiscuous behavior
Emotional unavailability or complete withdrawal from family life

Some fathers may be physically present but emotionally absent.

“Men tend to stuff their feelings down, and when those feelings erupt, it can come out in dysfunctional—or even criminal—ways,” Rose explained.

But there is hope.

“There are more Black men in therapy now than ever before. They’re pushing to get the help they need.”

How Families Can Be Proactive

To protect mental wellness in the home, Rose suggests weekly family check-ins.

“Do activities—game night, a communication jar where children can express themselves without fear of consequences. Let them say, ‘I don’t like when you do this,’ or ‘I feel like you’re not listening.’ If you limit how your children express themselves, they’ll stop telling you things altogether.”

Ultimately, the key is listening—without judgment—and leading with compassion.

In 2014, I visited a salon in Brooklyn to have my locs retwisted. This monthly appointment would have been forgettable like all the rest had I not had a perspective-changing conversation with my stylist. As she gently made her way through my head, she told me a bit about her life. She was an African immigrant who’d come to New York and become a mother of three young sons. I’ll never forget what she said afterward: “My family wants to see me, but I tell them, no they don’t. They wouldn’t even recognize me. Being a mother has made me crazy. I’m crazy now.”

I chuckled, but in reality, I was stunned. I’d never heard someone speak of motherhood in such graphic terms. When I shared the story with my own mother, she understood exactly what this woman meant — and so did every other mother with whom I shared the anecdote.

I chuckled, but in reality, I was stunned. I’d never heard someone speak of motherhood in such graphic terms. When I shared the story with my own mother, she understood exactly what this woman meant — and so did every other mother with whom I shared the anecdote.

I was in my early twenties, nearly a decade from having children of my own. But I remember this moment because it was the first time a Black woman had painted such an unflattering portrait of motherhood, and it was the first time I questioned whether or not I wanted to embark on such a journey.

I was in my early twenties, nearly a decade from having children of my own. But I remember this moment because it was the first time a Black woman had painted such an unflattering portrait of motherhood, and it was the first time I questioned whether or not I wanted to embark on such a journey.

Fast forward to 2025, and women complaining about the pangs of motherhood is commonplace. Influencers like Jessica Rose shake the internet with notions that they regret motherhood entirely. Mothers speak humorously — and even desperately — about how challenging raising children can be. With all of this new candor, people have begun to wonder if all of this complaining actually serves any real purpose. Does constantly consuming parenting woes make the load lighter, or does it keep us in a negative spiral, unable to appreciate the daily joys of raising children?

Fast forward to 2025, and women complaining about the pangs of motherhood is commonplace. Influencers like Jessica Rose shake the internet with notions that they regret motherhood entirely. Mothers speak humorously — and even desperately — about how challenging raising children can be. With all of this new candor, people have begun to wonder if all of this complaining actually serves any real purpose. Does constantly consuming parenting woes make the load lighter, or does it keep us in a negative spiral, unable to appreciate the daily joys of raising children?

According to psychology professor Dr. Jeannine Jannot, complaining helps more than it hurts. “Venting our feelings not only helps us reclaim valuable perspective, but also cultivates and sustains self-compassion,” Jannot toldThe Everymom.

According to psychology professor Dr. Jeannine Jannot, complaining helps more than it hurts. “Venting our feelings not only helps us reclaim valuable perspective, but also cultivates and sustains self-compassion,” Jannot toldThe Everymom.

I’d argue that complaining not only benefits you individually, but it helps communally. I feel deeply validated when I express some of my darker mommy thoughts and someone else says they know exactly what I’m talking about.

I’d argue that complaining not only benefits you individually, but it helps communally. I feel deeply validated when I express some of my darker mommy thoughts and someone else says they know exactly what I’m talking about.

It reminds me that I’m not the only one struggling.

It reminds me that I’m not the only one struggling.

Furthermore, if we’re not venting, we’re holding all of the angst, anger, and anxiety in our bodies. If we don’t speak or write it, it’s bound to come out — and it likely won’t be healthy. Far better to share some hard truths than to end up as a headline.

Furthermore, if we’re not venting, we’re holding all of the angst, anger, and anxiety in our bodies. If we don’t speak or write it, it’s bound to come out — and it likely won’t be healthy. Far better to share some hard truths than to end up as a headline.

Sharing the trials of motherhood with the right people can act as an initial warning sign that you need extra support or are in need of mental health services.

Sharing the trials of motherhood with the right people can act as an initial warning sign that you need extra support or are in need of mental health services.

I think the commiserating millennial mothers have done the women coming up behind us a great service. Reading, hearing, and truly listening to what we have to say, they have a clearer picture of the giant undertaking that is parenthood. Nothing can ever truly prepare you for this journey, but at least they won’t be as shell-shocked as many of us once were.

I think the commiserating millennial mothers have done the women coming up behind us a great service. Reading, hearing, and truly listening to what we have to say, they have a clearer picture of the giant undertaking that is parenthood. Nothing can ever truly prepare you for this journey, but at least they won’t be as shell-shocked as many of us once were.

In the midst of that extended stay in the hospital, my husband had a conversation with a friend who told him that soon we’d go home and we wouldn’t even think about this stressful time anymore. I appreciated any words of encouragement, but I knew that wouldn’t be my story. On the 11th day of my son’s hospitalization, I had my first breakdown in front of the nurses. I’d waited nine months to welcome him into our family, and I couldn’t properly do that when I had to leave him at the hospital every night. When the nurses asked why I was crying, I told them leaving my child was unnatural.

Learning that he would be released the next day did feel like an entirely fresh start. But over two years later, pregnant with my second child and in the same hospital where my son spent the first two weeks of his life, I knew the scars of that experience were still there. I was grateful that my son left the building healthy, but I wept for the anxiety, stress, pain, and longing I experienced as a first-time mom who couldn’t take her baby home with her.

A study from the Stanford School of Medicine found that of 18 parents who had spent significant time in the NICU, three of them were later diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Parents with children in the NICU can experience several traumas: an early or unexpected birth, the stress of having to undergo intense medical procedures, and the inability to bond with their infants in their home. The study found that the PTSD diagnosis had nothing to do with the length of the NICU stay or the severity of the child’s condition. Instead, it came down to how well the parents were able to cope during this time.

Whether you’ve lived through a NICU stay, are in the midst of one, or want to be of support to another parent who may be going through it, here are some strategies to help you deal with it all:

Lean on other former NICU parents

The only people who can relate to the feeling of having a child in the NICU are the parents who’ve survived the ordeal themselves. A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that 16 weeks after a child’s premature birth, mothers who were paired with other parents who had been in the NICU were less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression, and reported feeling like they had a support system.

Tell your story, even if it’s just to yourself

By the time you break your baby out of the hospital, the last thing you want to do is relive it all. Many parents just get down to the nitty-gritty of raising the child. And while it may be hard to find an audience for this story, it’s important that you process your feelings from that time so that you don’t carry the worries and anxiety from the NICU into your life at home.

Don’t be afraid to get help

If you are experiencing PTSD as a result of being in the NICU, you have to be officially diagnosed by a mental health professional. Having dreams or flashbacks of the event, avoiding discussions of the NICU stay or the hospital where it took place, and feelings of anxiety about the future are all signs. If any of these seem familiar, it’s a great idea to speak to a professional.

When my son was born, I could tell from the doctors’ reactions that there was an issue. Not a major one, but there was reason for concern. Their faces were more concerned than celebratory. People were shuffling around his tiny body, studying it. And no one made a move to place my new baby bundle on my chest. That was the beginning of what would be a 12-day stay in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). 

In the midst of that extended stay in the hospital, my husband had a conversation with a friend who told him that soon we’d go home and we wouldn’t even think about this stressful time anymore. I appreciated any words of encouragement, but I knew that wouldn’t be my story. On the 11th day of my son’s hospitalization, I had my first breakdown in front of the nurses. I’d waited nine months to welcome him into our family, and I couldn’t properly do that when I had to leave him at the hospital every night. When the nurses asked why I was crying, I told them leaving my child was unnatural.

Learning that he would be released the next day did feel like an entirely fresh start. But over two years later, pregnant with my second child and in the same hospital where my son spent the first two weeks of his life, I knew the scars of that experience were still there. I was grateful that my son left the building healthy, but I wept for the anxiety, stress, pain, and longing I experienced as a first-time mom who couldn’t take her baby home with her.

A study from the Stanford School of Medicine found that of 18 parents who had spent significant time in the NICU, three of them were later diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Parents with children in the NICU can experience several traumas: an early or unexpected birth, the stress of having to undergo intense medical procedures, and the inability to bond with their infants in their home. The study found that the PTSD diagnosis had nothing to do with the length of the NICU stay or the severity of the child’s condition. Instead, it came down to how well the parents were able to cope during this time.

Whether you’ve lived through a NICU stay, are in the midst of one, or want to be of support to another parent who may be going through it, here are some strategies to help you deal with it all:

Lean on other former NICU parents

The only people who can relate to the feeling of having a child in the NICU are the parents who’ve survived the ordeal themselves. A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that 16 weeks after a child’s premature birth, mothers who were paired with other parents who had been in the NICU were less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression, and reported feeling like they had a support system.

Tell your story, even if it’s just to yourself

By the time you break your baby out of the hospital, the last thing you want to do is relive it all. Many parents just get down to the nitty-gritty of raising the child. And while it may be hard to find an audience for this story, it’s important that you process your feelings from that time so that you don’t carry the worries and anxiety from the NICU into your life at home.

Don’t be afraid to get help

If you are experiencing PTSD as a result of being in the NICU, you have to be officially diagnosed by a mental health professional. Having dreams or flashbacks of the event, avoiding discussions of the NICU stay or the hospital where it took place, and feelings of anxiety about the future are all signs. If any of these seem familiar, it’s a great idea to speak to a professional.

There is nothing else in the world that compares to the start of a Saturday morning in the Gurley household to me. I am cuddling with my children Jackson and Jameison on the couch, the tangy tangerine, fresh guava, and green grass aroma of the Sensational Storm scented candle permeates throughout the house, and the radiant sun is shining through the open blinds as the soulful sounds of Frankie Beverly blares from my JBL Partybox Essential, “Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo… Happy feelings in the air… Touching people everywhere… Plenty love and everything. Listen to the people sing”. As I spend this time with my children, I find the moment reminiscent of my own childhood. These intimate moments that I am blessed to share with my children invoke reflection on all the time I was able to spend with my own father and the time I was not able to spend with him following his untimely passing in 2014. Nostalgia is typically associated with happy feelings and longing to relive an experience, generally a joyful or positive one. However, there is no formula to prepare you for nostalgia and its connection to grief; the ability to provide solace and to be a trigger for sadness. 

December 23, 2014, eleven Christmas’s passed, ten birthdays gone, two degrees earned, purchasing my first car, a few career changes, relocation across the country, marrying the woman of my dreams, purchasing our first home, creating two beautiful children and with all of these changes I still wish my father was here to live these experiences with me. Out of all the things that have happened since my father’s passing, I really wish he had the opportunity to meet my wife and our children most. Three thousand eight hundred seventeen days ago and I can still vividly recall every one of the details from that entire day when I lost my father. Oddly, much of the time I feel like it just happened, although it was several years ago but the beat goes on.

December 23, 2014, eleven Christmas’s passed, ten birthdays gone, two degrees earned, purchasing my first car, a few career changes, relocation across the country, marrying the woman of my dreams, purchasing our first home, creating two beautiful children and with all of these changes I still wish my father was here to live these experiences with me. Out of all the things that have happened since my father’s passing, I really wish he had the opportunity to meet my wife and our children most. Three thousand eight hundred seventeen days ago and I can still vividly recall every one of the details from that entire day when I lost my father. Oddly, much of the time I feel like it just happened, although it was several years ago but the beat goes on.

I discovered my love for music and listening to it at earsplitting volume from my father. I can remember as a boy, my father had a stereo system in the living room and one in his bedroom, as well as multiple CD racks to house the CD cases and books with plastic sleeves filled from cover to cover with physical CDs. Barry White, Luther Vandross, Outkast, Jay-Z, Big L, Big Pun, you name them, and I’d bet my last that he had their music. For the music that was too explicit my mother would make him listen to it in stereo headphones you know the big black over the head earphones, but he listened so loudly I was still able to hear and learn the lyrics, “Wu-tang Clan ain’t nothing to…” well you know the rest. 

I discovered my love for music and listening to it at earsplitting volume from my father. I can remember as a boy, my father had a stereo system in the living room and one in his bedroom, as well as multiple CD racks to house the CD cases and books with plastic sleeves filled from cover to cover with physical CDs. Barry White, Luther Vandross, Outkast, Jay-Z, Big L, Big Pun, you name them, and I’d bet my last that he had their music. For the music that was too explicit my mother would make him listen to it in stereo headphones you know the big black over the head earphones, but he listened so loudly I was still able to hear and learn the lyrics, “Wu-tang Clan ain’t nothing to…” well you know the rest. 

I’ve adopted this same tradition with my own children exposing them to many artists across many genres of music. Saturday mornings and weekday evenings before dinner we have jam sessions listening to all types of music. Jackson and I dance and sing to the top of our lungs to some songs while we sit and bop our heads to others. I always wonder if my father was here to listen to music with us what would be the song he’d say I have to play this for the kids. I am grateful that my father shared his love for music with me thus strengthening our bond and allowing me to create and share that same love to further bond with my own children. 

I’ve adopted this same tradition with my own children exposing them to many artists across many genres of music. Saturday mornings and weekday evenings before dinner we have jam sessions listening to all types of music. Jackson and I dance and sing to the top of our lungs to some songs while we sit and bop our heads to others. I always wonder if my father was here to listen to music with us what would be the song he’d say I have to play this for the kids. I am grateful that my father shared his love for music with me thus strengthening our bond and allowing me to create and share that same love to further bond with my own children. 

It brings me immense joy to honor my father’s legacy through the continuance of our traditions with my own children. Here are five more ways that I commemorate my father’s presence and navigate grief: 

It brings me immense joy to honor my father’s legacy through the continuance of our traditions with my own children. Here are five more ways that I commemorate my father’s presence and navigate grief: 

• Rula Mental Health

• Rula Mental Health

Rula Mental Health aims to create a world where every person can access high- quality mental health care. The team provides clinical excellence through connecting patients to providers for mental health services. There are over one hundred forty million people with in-network access to mental health services with Rula, a network of more than 15,000 providers, and a 98% exact match to providers based on the agency’s unique match system. 

Rula Mental Health aims to create a world where every person can access high- quality mental health care. The team provides clinical excellence through connecting patients to providers for mental health services. There are over one hundred forty million people with in-network access to mental health services with Rula, a network of more than 15,000 providers, and a 98% exact match to providers based on the agency’s unique match system. 

• Skylight Touchscreen Digital Picture Frame 

• Skylight Touchscreen Digital Picture Frame 

The ten-inch touchscreen digital picture frame allows almost immediate sharing of photos from anywhere. It can be gifted with special moments preloaded prior to unboxing. 

The ten-inch touchscreen digital picture frame allows almost immediate sharing of photos from anywhere. It can be gifted with special moments preloaded prior to unboxing. 

• Jeffrey Mason’s Family Keepsake Journal

• Jeffrey Mason’s Family Keepsake Journal

The Family Keepsake Journal is a way for Fathers and other family members to share their memories and experiences over the course of their lives in a fun and engaging manner that creates a special gift for the entire family.

The Family Keepsake Journal is a way for Fathers and other family members to share their memories and experiences over the course of their lives in a fun and engaging manner that creates a special gift for the entire family.

• Lime & Lou Lyrically Yours Father Daughter Dance Canvas 

• Lime & Lou Lyrically Yours Father Daughter Dance Canvas 

This Framed vinyl record personalized with names, a special memory, a song, and the lyrics come in four sizes ranging from extra small to extra-large. This personalized canvas intertwines music and memories into a priceless piece of art. 

This Framed vinyl record personalized with names, a special memory, a song, and the lyrics come in four sizes ranging from extra small to extra-large. This personalized canvas intertwines music and memories into a priceless piece of art. 

• Carissa Potter’s People I’ve Loved Sitting With Sadness Deck 

• Carissa Potter’s People I’ve Loved Sitting With Sadness Deck 

This deck contains 45 prompts and 7 wishes with the purpose of assisting with processing and managing grief and mourning. The intention of this deck is to equip the reader with tools to remember, love, and cherish the memory of someone that they have lost.

This deck contains 45 prompts and 7 wishes with the purpose of assisting with processing and managing grief and mourning. The intention of this deck is to equip the reader with tools to remember, love, and cherish the memory of someone that they have lost.