Parents Need Love

POP’S POV: When a Child Is Born, So Is a Father

freewarren — Wed, 22 Oct 2025 15:00:00 +0000

The birth of each of my children shifted so many aspects both internally and externally for me. It provoked a realignment of my identity, specifically a decline in self-centeredness associated with my goals. My perspective on success was redefined as my priorities were restructured with becoming a father. Almost immediately, there was a heightened urge to provide, protect, nurture, cultivate, and foster an environment of love for my children. There is a hyperfocus on making sure that the best decisions are made due to the implications for my children. I constantly remind myself that as I navigate the world, how I do so dictates how my children will.

The birth of my daughter encouraged me to be more patient, communicate with more tenderness, and to improve my awareness. Admittedly, it also incited a bit of fear. I am raising a Black girl that will one day be a Black woman in the world, and I will not always be there to protect her. By protecting her, I am not speaking exclusively about physical wellbeing but emotionally and equitably. Since having my daughter in my life, I am extremely cognizant of how I react and respond to her, cautious of how my actions or responses during our encounters may shape her life. My daughter calls for me to be a man with the ability to embrace and exude presentness, softness, playfulness, and gentleness. My daughter is my mirror and muse; she highlights my gifts and assures me of my resilience to overcome my shortfalls.

The birth of my son invoked feelings of pride, legacy, and self-reflection. My first thought was this is my son, and it is my responsibility to teach him to be the right kind of man. I am to share knowledge with him and teach him the skills that I believe will benefit him in life. I need to make it a point to emphasize the significance of emotional intelligence, self-control, and respect as a man. As my son’s roadmap to manhood, it is my responsibility to guide him healthily, balanced, and by example. The stakes are so much higher now, whether it be regarding my engagement with my wife, my daughter, the people around me in general, or even how I navigate conflict, being that my son has a front-row seat, watching and learning based on my actions. My son is my student and shadow, observing the things that I say but more importantly the things that I do. My son prompts me to always reflect: am I being the type of man that I want him to become?

The fullness of fatherhood is found in my children’s ability to endorse growth within and beyond myself and to call for me to live with a greater sense of being intentional. The birth of a child, boy or girl, is an experience engrained with love, accountability, and heritage. While my daughter softens aspects of my identity, my son sharpens aspects of my identity, and collectively my children are the perfect complement to the man I am.

Please Don’t Judge Me: Anonymous Confessions About Pregnancy and Parenting

freewarren — Wed, 13 Aug 2025 15:01:00 +0000

Once the doctors place that slippery baby on your chest, we have a tendency to forget all of the moments that made it possible. The morning sickness, the discomfort, the irritability. Even the arduous labor you just endured becomes an afterthought. All of the gratitude may mean when we recount the stories of pregnancies, we leave out some of the more gruesome details. But in the effort of transparency, truth, and memory, we spoke to moms and dads to get the real tea about what it means to carry and birth a child. Check out their raw, unfiltered, and completely anonymous stories below.

Everyone’s in Your Business

Mom, 35 — First child, still expecting

“I was caught off guard when I started showing. I popped overnight, and that brought on a wave of gleeful strangers. I’m a bit of an introvert and tend to mask behind a resting bitch face, but apparently, a baby bump and the so-called pregnancy glow canceled that out. I went from wearing my invisibility cloak to feeling like I had a neon sign that said, Ask me about the most intimate parts of my life. That was a huge adjustment. I know most people mean well, but the ‘Are you sure it’s not twins?’ and ‘What are you having?’ or ‘When are you due?’ comments can be draining—especially for someone like me.

One of the most unexpected physical changes was the gas, and not just regular gas, but trapped gas. I didn’t even know that was a thing until I spent a week in misery and ended up asking ChatGPT if I could die from it. Gas-X, yoga, position changes, massages… nothing worked. I even considered using the Frida Windi on myself at one point.

I was also surprised by the pelvic pain and pressure. I expected heaviness in the sense of a belly feeling like a backpack worn on the front. But the pulling sensation and internal pressure—especially in the later stages—felt strange. I tried a belly band, but baby hated it: kicking, rolling, punching the entire time I wore it. It was weird but also kind of fascinating…

…Which brings me to the last point. I didn’t expect to be so deeply in love with someone I haven’t even met. I feel like I’ve known this baby my whole life. I can sense what calms them, what agitates them. I can almost imagine their face. My heart is so full as I anxiously wait for baby’s arrival.”

Things Can Get Messy

Mom, 37 — Two children, 1 year and 4 years old

My second pregnancy was nothing like my first. The only symptom of my first pregnancy was that I couldn’t stand the taste of water for a few weeks. With my second, I was miserable during that first trimester. Everything and everyone got on my nerves. The smell of foods I’d once loved made me nauseated and irritated. And then there was the poop.

One day, I decided to take my then two-year-old son to the park. I fed him and myself and walked out into the hot sun to give him some fresh air. Ten minutes after we got there, I realized I had to use the bathroom. But we’d just gotten there and I didn’t want to deprive my toddler, so I tried to hold it. I didn’t know that this pregnancy would mean holding it was no longer an option. Sadly, I came to this realization too late.

I threw my son in his stroller and started to make my way home. But with each step, poop started exiting my body and sliding down my leg. So gross, so humbling. That five-minute walk home was one to remember.

Labor Takes Time + Bonding Can Be A Challenge

Dad, 33 — One child, 9 months

“It’s ironic because literally we were at the baby shower and [my wife’s] homegirl was like, ‘They don’t talk about this but girl, you know it’s on and popping when you take a shit and throwing up at the same time.’ She just told us. If she didn’t tell me that, I would have really been freaking out.

We didn’t have our baby until Monday, but my wife went into labor on Friday. Our doula at the time told us we didn’t have to rush to the hospital. My wife didn’t even call and tell nobody. Her water broke on Friday. She tried to go to work on Saturday. She went to brunch. Having a time! I’m like, ‘You’re about to have a baby!’ She just threw a pad on; she’s constantly leaking. That was crazy. I never knew that’s how it went. I thought it was just a splash and stuff just start hitting the fan. But it’s a whole process, a build-up.”

Additionally…

“Also, a challenge I had never considered—but found myself experiencing—was bonding with my daughter. When she first arrived, she wanted her mother—only. This created tension in our house because I felt unable to support my wife in the way she needed and deserved. She always had to be present—especially for feedings and bedtime—since our daughter was breastfeeding and hadn’t adapted to the bottle.

It also made me feel undesired by my child. I wanted her to feel safe and comfortable with me immediately and I hadn’t anticipated that she might not feel instantly connected to me. It took time—but eventually, our bond developed naturally. That moment felt celebratory for me.”

You’re Seeing Things

Mom, 35 — One child, 2 years old

My midwife warned me to write down everyone’s number who said they would help because if you don’t get enough sleep, you’re going to start hallucinating. And there were a few times when I got there.

Mom, 37 — Two children, 4 and 1 years old

I had a hallucination in the hospital. When my daughter was born, she looked so much like my sister. One time I looked at her before I picked her up to nurse, and I really thought I was feeding my little sister.

POP’S POV: Reclaiming My Time – Baby Girl’s First Day of School

freewarren — Mon, 11 Aug 2025 15:00:00 +0000

Feelings, so deep in my feelings! A new chapter of parenting unlocked—my baby girl is heading to preschool. With Jackson currently in the care of my mother-in-law during the workday, I can say I’m going to be fine with her attending preschool, but deep down, I know this will be different. I’m going to cry in the car! I am entrusting the well-being of my child essentially in the hands of strangers—a certified group—but the sentiments remain the same. Because when it comes to my children, please do not let it come to my children.

With maternity leave and baby bonding time coming to a close, and my wife heading back to work, my son being transitioned to mother-in-law’s care, and Jackson headed to the schoolhouse, the home will be empty and quiet during the day. Wait a minute—is it all bad? What did Auntie Maxine say? “Reclaiming my time!” Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed having a full house around the clock, but let’s get back to the program—or start a new one!

With this newfound free time, here’s one of the ways I plan to maximize it. For starters, I hope to be able to get more accomplished around the house. Between the never-ending snacking (and leaving remnants of said snacks everywhere), accidental spills, bathroom breaks outside of the toilet, and the landscape of toys covering the floor—keeping your home pristine with a toddler as an occupant is an urban legend. To be able to clean an area of the house and it remain that way for an extended period of time will feel so good to me, even if only for eight hours. I will be able to take care of daily household chores uninterrupted, like taking out the trash and recyclables without accounting for my little’s whereabouts.

With toddlers, there is a lot of “drop everything and do this for me now,” and to avoid an absolute meltdown—or crash out personally—I bust a move. But not now, since the kid is going to be in school! I plan to create a meal calendar and meal prep for each week so that breakfast and dinner will be simpler. At the end of a workday, trying to determine what to eat, preparing the meal, feeding everyone, and the clean-up is all so much. Using the time to prepare will streamline the evening routine by at least an hour or better. It will be amazing to just be able to get things done!

Home improvement and DIY projects are also a top priority for me in my pursuit of freedom while the kid is in school. I thoroughly enjoy projects around the house, no matter if I am building, repairing, or creating—something I discovered within the last two years or so. I can say it’s in my blood; the majority of the men in my family are contractors. I recently repainted and sealed my desk, which took me about a week to do because of the small increments of time I had available per day to actively complete it. My next project I plan to tackle is landscaping on my patio. I want to remove the current stone ledgers beneath my fence and extend the fence lower to the ground by installing an additional panel, sealing off the dirt, and installing landscaping stones. Luckily, with Jackson heading to school, I’ll be able to get started and complete the project sooner rather than later.

My baby girl is heading to school, and as anxiety-inducing and nerve-wracking as the thought is, there is a silver lining that I initially didn’t realize. With this change, I am able to recover a bit of time for myself and do something for myself. I can relax and recharge with my free time in a way that works best for me.

When getting things done around the house, here are three stores that always have what I need to get the job done:

1. Sam’s Club -Clorox Clean-Up All-Purpose Cleaner + Bleach, Original Spray + Refill

As a self-proclaimed “Do it all” Dad I am an avid Sam’s Club member. Sam’s Club feels like it has the best prices on everything in bulk. I swear by Clorox Clean up all purpose cleaner and bleach original spray and refill for only $16.48! That’s equal to about five refills for a fraction of the price if purchased individually.

2. Costco – 50-Stem Red Roses

When I want to use my free time to plan a sweet surprise for my wife, Costco has the best deal on long-stem roses! You can get 50 long-stem roses for $45.00. Dad Gang, you can never say I didn’t put you on!

3. Home Depot – ONE+ HP 18V Brushless Cordless Compact Cut-Off Tool (Tool Only)

I can always count on Home Depot to have everything I need, no matter the size or complexity of my project. My most recent purchase was a Ryobi 18-volt cordless compact cut-off tool! I ordered it and was able to grab it curbside within only a few hours of ordering.

4. Lowes – GRO-WELL Proven Organics 4-lb 10-2-8 Organic Natural Citrus and Avocado Plant Food (Tree)

As the “All-Purpose” Papa, Lowe’s always has my gardening needs covered! Just recently, it was time to fertilize my citrus trees, so I had to make that trip to grab the GRO-WELL organic plant food for trees. It gives my orange and lemon trees the boost of nutrients needed to make for a great harvest come next spring.

5. Habitat for Humanity Restore

Habitat for Humanity ReStore is my go-to for discounted brand-new appliances (open box for the most part), cabinets, or furniture that I want to revive and resell! You can visit the actual locations nearest you or stalk the Instagram, like I do, for great deals and the latest inventory. My most recent grab was a used miter saw and table combo for $400. Retail brand-new is about $700 for the same items!

Pop’s POV: How Accountability Raises Better Children, and Here’s How I Got There

freewarren — Wed, 02 Jul 2025 23:07:24 +0000

Always show up in the way that your children need you to present yourself. Accountability in parenthood is such a challenging aspect for many parents — understandably. From your perspective, you are doing the absolute best by your standards, but then there’s that intention versus impact. There are not any guidelines that detail the “right” way to parent, but I believe our children serve as our manual on how to parent them individually. While parenting, many of us tend to rear our children through our own lenses, without consideration of the child or what they need at that moment — instead of what we believe they need. Imagine going to a restaurant to order chicken and the waiter decides a vegetarian option is better — that would cause some unrest, right?

Perfection in correlation to parenthood is not realistic. There will be times when we fall short, but our actions immediately following our shortfall make all the difference. In my experience as a child to my parents, I was not permitted to address my parents’ shortcomings regarding how their actions impacted me, despite their intentions. Consequently, there was a long-term rift in our relationship due to a lack of accountability and how certain choices affected me. However, I believe my experience encouraged development and resilience — but at what expense? In parenting my own children, I am possibly overly conscious of how I was parented and ensuring that I take a different approach. My children are still fairly young, but how my actions affect them is always at the forefront of my mind when navigating life with them. It is best to address issues promptly, because once damage is done, it is very challenging to recover. There is much more work required for the parent to repair the damaged link in the chain, despite reconciliation and acknowledgment after a significant amount of time has passed.

My goal is to lead by example by being an accountable parent to my children. Children are like blank canvases, and they do not know what we do not teach them. Modeling the behavior we would like them to exhibit is crucial in developing accountable people. In the moments that I am short-tempered, I try to immediately identify it and apologize to my children, being that my behavior or response is no fault of their own. I heavily depend on communication as a means to acknowledge mistakes and the ability to recover from them. By being an accountable parent and integrating model behaviors, I believe this will curate the foundation for a successful child-parent relationship and the development of a future accountable adult.

Accountability does not always feel good, but leaning into it is most important for the greater good of your relationship with your children. There will come a time when your children no longer need you and have the option to choose you… or not.

Here are five resources to assist with accountability and how it relates to parenthood:

1. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

2. Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

This essential guide by clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson offers daily, practical ways to help you heal the invisible wounds caused by immature parents, nurture self-awareness, trust your emotions, improve relationships, and stop putting others’ needs ahead of your own.

3. The Power of Accountability in Parenting

Dr. Rini Mathai explores the parenting journey and accountability standing as a cornerstone, shaping not only the character of our children but also the foundation of their future success. Understanding and embracing accountability becomes paramount as we navigate the intricacies of raising resilient and responsible individuals.

4. Conscious Accountability and Parenting

Dr. Daryn David explores how we can bring the conscious accountability practices of noticing, deep inquiry, and open-minded listening to a situation that really matters, we just might discover information that helps us respond in a more sensitive, in-tune way to the people in our life who matter most.

5. Blaming Your Parents Versus Holding Them Accountable

Hannah Alderete MA, LMHC explores the distinction between blame and accountability: Blame is putting all the responsibility onto someone for a particular outcome, whereas holding someone accountable is acknowledging that their actions have impacted us somehow. In holding someone accountable, we also take ownership of our feelings and reactions.

POP’S POV: A Journey through Change and Self-Care

freewarren — Tue, 10 Jun 2025 16:19:38 +0000

What does self-care look like? It doesn’t always look the way I’d like it to look, but I make it work. The ideal self-care day, for me, would be a day of absolute relaxation. No requests from anyone — spending the entire day at an all-inclusive resort on an island with some unadulterated fun, accompanied by a mild cigar and a smooth cocktail.

IDEAL SCENARIO: Specifically, The Royalton in Saint Lucia with its flavorful dining options and tranquil spa; an Ashton Magnum cigar with tasting notes of cream and coffee bean; and a whiskey sour made with Sir Davis Whiskey, if I had it my way.

However, with a family comprised of two adults, two children under 3, and two English bulldogs, the work feels as if it is never done. Self-care is 5 a.m. workouts, being that there aren’t home or work demands at that ungodly hour.

DAD HACK: I just hop on my Peloton bike or treadmill to get the day started by moving my body.

Self-care is starting therapy prior to the birth of your first child and increasing the appointment frequency upon expectation of your second child — knowing how tough the adjustment was the first time — and making sure you stay ahead of it.

DAD HACK: Rula was extremely useful in the process of finding my therapist, and Rula partners with many of the major insurance companies — mine being one — which was a plus for me!

Self-care is realizing that the brain has an interesting way of curating stories, but it is our responsibility to discern whether to subscribe to the narrative or not. Life is going to look different than your “normal” once you become a father. The expectations you set for yourself professionally and personally need to be rooted in reality and attuned to be in alignment with your new “normal.” Bidding farewell to your old routines and accepting that life doesn’t look like what it did in the past — and that’s fine. Essentially, being malleable and embracing the lifestyle changes associated with fatherhood. Finding quiet moments is a delight when the opportunity presents itself, even if it’s you sitting on the toilet a little longer than you need to.

Self-care is finding refuge in your wife and your community — having honest, vulnerable, and transparent conversations about how you are feeling and faring with parenthood at any given moment. I find myself trying to carry the weight of the world alone, as if I must, but that’s just my brain doing that thing again. Fortunately for me, I don’t have to. With the love, understanding, and everlasting support of my wife — in addition to the accessibility and guidance of the community I have established, comprised of several other Black fathers — an outlet is almost always accessible to me. It is important to surround yourself with people that can relate to where you are and that are equipped with the tools to support you. Sometimes advice is sought, other times it’s just for someone to hear you — and most of the time, it’s a cigar at the local smoke lounge or drinks and great eats at a restaurant, where we do not bring the kids.

Self-care may look different amongst fathers, but it is imperative to ensure that you are at your best so that your little person or little people engage with the finest version of you. Recharging is necessary for us too — because, like our phones, operating on power save mode will keep the lights on but reduce performance and limit our most favorable features.