The birth of each of my children shifted so many aspects both internally and externally for me. It provoked a realignment of my identity, specifically a decline in self-centeredness associated with my goals. My perspective on success was redefined as my priorities were restructured with becoming a father. Almost immediately, there was a heightened urge to provide, protect, nurture, cultivate, and foster an environment of love for my children. There is a hyperfocus on making sure that the best decisions are made due to the implications for my children. I constantly remind myself that as I navigate the world, how I do so dictates how my children will.

The birth of my daughter encouraged me to be more patient, communicate with more tenderness, and to improve my awareness. Admittedly, it also incited a bit of fear. I am raising a Black girl that will one day be a Black woman in the world, and I will not always be there to protect her. By protecting her, I am not speaking exclusively about physical wellbeing but emotionally and equitably. Since having my daughter in my life, I am extremely cognizant of how I react and respond to her, cautious of how my actions or responses during our encounters may shape her life. My daughter calls for me to be a man with the ability to embrace and exude presentness, softness, playfulness, and gentleness. My daughter is my mirror and muse; she highlights my gifts and assures me of my resilience to overcome my shortfalls.

The birth of my daughter encouraged me to be more patient, communicate with more tenderness, and to improve my awareness. Admittedly, it also incited a bit of fear. I am raising a Black girl that will one day be a Black woman in the world, and I will not always be there to protect her. By protecting her, I am not speaking exclusively about physical wellbeing but emotionally and equitably. Since having my daughter in my life, I am extremely cognizant of how I react and respond to her, cautious of how my actions or responses during our encounters may shape her life. My daughter calls for me to be a man with the ability to embrace and exude presentness, softness, playfulness, and gentleness. My daughter is my mirror and muse; she highlights my gifts and assures me of my resilience to overcome my shortfalls.

The birth of my son invoked feelings of pride, legacy, and self-reflection. My first thought was this is my son, and it is my responsibility to teach him to be the right kind of man. I am to share knowledge with him and teach him the skills that I believe will benefit him in life. I need to make it a point to emphasize the significance of emotional intelligence, self-control, and respect as a man. As my son’s roadmap to manhood, it is my responsibility to guide him healthily, balanced, and by example. The stakes are so much higher now, whether it be regarding my engagement with my wife, my daughter, the people around me in general, or even how I navigate conflict, being that my son has a front-row seat, watching and learning based on my actions. My son is my student and shadow, observing the things that I say but more importantly the things that I do. My son prompts me to always reflect: am I being the type of man that I want him to become?

The birth of my son invoked feelings of pride, legacy, and self-reflection. My first thought was this is my son, and it is my responsibility to teach him to be the right kind of man. I am to share knowledge with him and teach him the skills that I believe will benefit him in life. I need to make it a point to emphasize the significance of emotional intelligence, self-control, and respect as a man. As my son’s roadmap to manhood, it is my responsibility to guide him healthily, balanced, and by example. The stakes are so much higher now, whether it be regarding my engagement with my wife, my daughter, the people around me in general, or even how I navigate conflict, being that my son has a front-row seat, watching and learning based on my actions. My son is my student and shadow, observing the things that I say but more importantly the things that I do. My son prompts me to always reflect: am I being the type of man that I want him to become?

The fullness of fatherhood is found in my children’s ability to endorse growth within and beyond myself and to call for me to live with a greater sense of being intentional. The birth of a child, boy or girl, is an experience engrained with love, accountability, and heritage. While my daughter softens aspects of my identity, my son sharpens aspects of my identity, and collectively my children are the perfect complement to the man I am.

The fullness of fatherhood is found in my children’s ability to endorse growth within and beyond myself and to call for me to live with a greater sense of being intentional. The birth of a child, boy or girl, is an experience engrained with love, accountability, and heritage. While my daughter softens aspects of my identity, my son sharpens aspects of my identity, and collectively my children are the perfect complement to the man I am.

Millennials are the new parents, and we’re doing things differently than the generations before us. We’re healing trauma, practicing gentle parenting, and are far more likely to speak about the ways parenthood has challenged us beyond our expectations. If you’re a parent trying to navigate pursuing your passions, becoming your best self, and raising children, then check out these men and women who are doing the same. They’re sharing their journeys on social media and might provide the inspiration you need—or simply remind you that you’re not alone in your feelings.

Jessica Rose

Jessica Rose

Jessica Rose is one of the funniest and most creative moms on the internet. Whether she’s rapping about doing the lion’s share of the parenting as a formerly single mother or selling her belongings to move across the world with her daughter in tow, you’ll never be bored following her life. The appeal of her content is that she is honest about things like sobriety, being a creator, and even regretting motherhood.

Jessica Rose is one of the funniest and most creative moms on the internet. Whether she’s rapping about doing the lion’s share of the parenting as a formerly single mother or selling her belongings to move across the world with her daughter in tow, you’ll never be bored following her life. The appeal of her content is that she is honest about things like sobriety, being a creator, and even regretting motherhood.

Kier Gaines

Kier Gaines

Kier Gaines is a licensed therapist, a seemingly devoted husband, and the father of two daughters. He brings the intersection of all those identities to his work on social media. In the midst of offering self-improvement tips and sharing his story and insights around the world, Kier also speaks openly and honestly about the highs and lows of parenthood.

Kier Gaines is a licensed therapist, a seemingly devoted husband, and the father of two daughters. He brings the intersection of all those identities to his work on social media. In the midst of offering self-improvement tips and sharing his story and insights around the world, Kier also speaks openly and honestly about the highs and lows of parenthood.

The Mama’s Den

The Mama’s Den

This is four for one. The women of the Mama’s Den podcast are raising 11 children. And while their show certainly covers the joys and challenges of nurturing their sons and daughters through various stages, these women also speak about learning and relearning themselves, navigating friendships, making time for their partners, and following their dreams outside of motherhood.

This is four for one. The women of the Mama’s Den podcast are raising 11 children. And while their show certainly covers the joys and challenges of nurturing their sons and daughters through various stages, these women also speak about learning and relearning themselves, navigating friendships, making time for their partners, and following their dreams outside of motherhood.

Dr. Danielle Richardson- Fierce Clarity 

Dr. Danielle Richardson- Fierce Clarity 

Danielle Richardson, of Fierce Clarity, is an optometrist. Even though she is a whole doctor, she also operates a wellness and self-improvement brand called Fierce Clarity. She’s the author of the Glow Up journal, designed to help women create their dream lives, and she’s also the mother to a daughter.

Danielle Richardson, of Fierce Clarity, is an optometrist. Even though she is a whole doctor, she also operates a wellness and self-improvement brand called Fierce Clarity. She’s the author of the Glow Up journal, designed to help women create their dream lives, and she’s also the mother to a daughter.

Beleaf in Fatherhood

Beleaf in Fatherhood

Glen Henry is a rapper, content creator, and husband. He is also the father to four children. He uses his platform to discuss the raw and unfiltered realities of balancing all of his children’s personalities, being a good husband and finding time to express his own creativity. What makes his content so remarkable, in addition to his authenticity, is the fact that it’s beautifully shot and we get a sense of who his children are without it feeling like they are being exploited. 

Glen Henry is a rapper, content creator, and husband. He is also the father to four children. He uses his platform to discuss the raw and unfiltered realities of balancing all of his children’s personalities, being a good husband and finding time to express his own creativity. What makes his content so remarkable, in addition to his authenticity, is the fact that it’s beautifully shot and we get a sense of who his children are without it feeling like they are being exploited. 

There is nothing else in the world that compares to the start of a Saturday morning in the Gurley household to me. I am cuddling with my children Jackson and Jameison on the couch, the tangy tangerine, fresh guava, and green grass aroma of the Sensational Storm scented candle permeates throughout the house, and the radiant sun is shining through the open blinds as the soulful sounds of Frankie Beverly blares from my JBL Partybox Essential, “Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo… Happy feelings in the air… Touching people everywhere… Plenty love and everything. Listen to the people sing”. As I spend this time with my children, I find the moment reminiscent of my own childhood. These intimate moments that I am blessed to share with my children invoke reflection on all the time I was able to spend with my own father and the time I was not able to spend with him following his untimely passing in 2014. Nostalgia is typically associated with happy feelings and longing to relive an experience, generally a joyful or positive one. However, there is no formula to prepare you for nostalgia and its connection to grief; the ability to provide solace and to be a trigger for sadness. 

December 23, 2014, eleven Christmas’s passed, ten birthdays gone, two degrees earned, purchasing my first car, a few career changes, relocation across the country, marrying the woman of my dreams, purchasing our first home, creating two beautiful children and with all of these changes I still wish my father was here to live these experiences with me. Out of all the things that have happened since my father’s passing, I really wish he had the opportunity to meet my wife and our children most. Three thousand eight hundred seventeen days ago and I can still vividly recall every one of the details from that entire day when I lost my father. Oddly, much of the time I feel like it just happened, although it was several years ago but the beat goes on.

December 23, 2014, eleven Christmas’s passed, ten birthdays gone, two degrees earned, purchasing my first car, a few career changes, relocation across the country, marrying the woman of my dreams, purchasing our first home, creating two beautiful children and with all of these changes I still wish my father was here to live these experiences with me. Out of all the things that have happened since my father’s passing, I really wish he had the opportunity to meet my wife and our children most. Three thousand eight hundred seventeen days ago and I can still vividly recall every one of the details from that entire day when I lost my father. Oddly, much of the time I feel like it just happened, although it was several years ago but the beat goes on.

I discovered my love for music and listening to it at earsplitting volume from my father. I can remember as a boy, my father had a stereo system in the living room and one in his bedroom, as well as multiple CD racks to house the CD cases and books with plastic sleeves filled from cover to cover with physical CDs. Barry White, Luther Vandross, Outkast, Jay-Z, Big L, Big Pun, you name them, and I’d bet my last that he had their music. For the music that was too explicit my mother would make him listen to it in stereo headphones you know the big black over the head earphones, but he listened so loudly I was still able to hear and learn the lyrics, “Wu-tang Clan ain’t nothing to…” well you know the rest. 

I discovered my love for music and listening to it at earsplitting volume from my father. I can remember as a boy, my father had a stereo system in the living room and one in his bedroom, as well as multiple CD racks to house the CD cases and books with plastic sleeves filled from cover to cover with physical CDs. Barry White, Luther Vandross, Outkast, Jay-Z, Big L, Big Pun, you name them, and I’d bet my last that he had their music. For the music that was too explicit my mother would make him listen to it in stereo headphones you know the big black over the head earphones, but he listened so loudly I was still able to hear and learn the lyrics, “Wu-tang Clan ain’t nothing to…” well you know the rest. 

I’ve adopted this same tradition with my own children exposing them to many artists across many genres of music. Saturday mornings and weekday evenings before dinner we have jam sessions listening to all types of music. Jackson and I dance and sing to the top of our lungs to some songs while we sit and bop our heads to others. I always wonder if my father was here to listen to music with us what would be the song he’d say I have to play this for the kids. I am grateful that my father shared his love for music with me thus strengthening our bond and allowing me to create and share that same love to further bond with my own children. 

I’ve adopted this same tradition with my own children exposing them to many artists across many genres of music. Saturday mornings and weekday evenings before dinner we have jam sessions listening to all types of music. Jackson and I dance and sing to the top of our lungs to some songs while we sit and bop our heads to others. I always wonder if my father was here to listen to music with us what would be the song he’d say I have to play this for the kids. I am grateful that my father shared his love for music with me thus strengthening our bond and allowing me to create and share that same love to further bond with my own children. 

It brings me immense joy to honor my father’s legacy through the continuance of our traditions with my own children. Here are five more ways that I commemorate my father’s presence and navigate grief: 

It brings me immense joy to honor my father’s legacy through the continuance of our traditions with my own children. Here are five more ways that I commemorate my father’s presence and navigate grief: 

• Rula Mental Health

• Rula Mental Health

Rula Mental Health aims to create a world where every person can access high- quality mental health care. The team provides clinical excellence through connecting patients to providers for mental health services. There are over one hundred forty million people with in-network access to mental health services with Rula, a network of more than 15,000 providers, and a 98% exact match to providers based on the agency’s unique match system. 

Rula Mental Health aims to create a world where every person can access high- quality mental health care. The team provides clinical excellence through connecting patients to providers for mental health services. There are over one hundred forty million people with in-network access to mental health services with Rula, a network of more than 15,000 providers, and a 98% exact match to providers based on the agency’s unique match system. 

• Skylight Touchscreen Digital Picture Frame 

• Skylight Touchscreen Digital Picture Frame 

The ten-inch touchscreen digital picture frame allows almost immediate sharing of photos from anywhere. It can be gifted with special moments preloaded prior to unboxing. 

The ten-inch touchscreen digital picture frame allows almost immediate sharing of photos from anywhere. It can be gifted with special moments preloaded prior to unboxing. 

• Jeffrey Mason’s Family Keepsake Journal

• Jeffrey Mason’s Family Keepsake Journal

The Family Keepsake Journal is a way for Fathers and other family members to share their memories and experiences over the course of their lives in a fun and engaging manner that creates a special gift for the entire family.

The Family Keepsake Journal is a way for Fathers and other family members to share their memories and experiences over the course of their lives in a fun and engaging manner that creates a special gift for the entire family.

• Lime & Lou Lyrically Yours Father Daughter Dance Canvas 

• Lime & Lou Lyrically Yours Father Daughter Dance Canvas 

This Framed vinyl record personalized with names, a special memory, a song, and the lyrics come in four sizes ranging from extra small to extra-large. This personalized canvas intertwines music and memories into a priceless piece of art. 

This Framed vinyl record personalized with names, a special memory, a song, and the lyrics come in four sizes ranging from extra small to extra-large. This personalized canvas intertwines music and memories into a priceless piece of art. 

• Carissa Potter’s People I’ve Loved Sitting With Sadness Deck 

• Carissa Potter’s People I’ve Loved Sitting With Sadness Deck 

This deck contains 45 prompts and 7 wishes with the purpose of assisting with processing and managing grief and mourning. The intention of this deck is to equip the reader with tools to remember, love, and cherish the memory of someone that they have lost.

This deck contains 45 prompts and 7 wishes with the purpose of assisting with processing and managing grief and mourning. The intention of this deck is to equip the reader with tools to remember, love, and cherish the memory of someone that they have lost.

Despite limited depictions of Black fathers in mainstream media, we all know great Black dads. A good father is one who is patient. He is a provider and respected figure. From the leader of our own families to the men we’ve watched evolve into fathers, fatherhood looks good on Black men.

This Father’s Day we’re spotlighting five Black fathers who are holding down their households as powerhouse parents.

This Father’s Day we’re spotlighting five Black fathers who are holding down their households as powerhouse parents.

Steven York, 37, 2 Children 

Steven York, 37, 2 Children 

What do you love about being a father?

What do you love about being a father?

You can be in the worst mood, and having the worst day ever, but when you see your family with open arms — so excited to see you, you forget about everything else.

You can be in the worst mood, and having the worst day ever, but when you see your family with open arms — so excited to see you, you forget about everything else.

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

The love that you receive from your children is like no other. The way they look up to me.

The love that you receive from your children is like no other. The way they look up to me.

What has fatherhood taught you?

What has fatherhood taught you?

I thought I knew what unconditional love was, but I found the real meaning when I had my kids.

I thought I knew what unconditional love was, but I found the real meaning when I had my kids.

John Moody, 37, 2 Children

John Moody, 37, 2 Children

What do you love about being a father?

What do you love about being a father?

The thing I love most is the look they give me. They look at me with such admiration and belief like I’m superman. 

The thing I love most is the look they give me. They look at me with such admiration and belief like I’m superman. 

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

The most rewarding part about being a father is no matter how I’m feeling, what I’m dealing with, what’s going on in the outside, my kids bring me peace.

The most rewarding part about being a father is no matter how I’m feeling, what I’m dealing with, what’s going on in the outside, my kids bring me peace.

What has fatherhood taught you?

What has fatherhood taught you?

Fatherhood has taught me patience, listening and communication skills such as tone, delivery, verbiage. It’s also taught me a new sense of awareness, that I’m always being watched, so I carry myself better because I know my sons emulate me.

Fatherhood has taught me patience, listening and communication skills such as tone, delivery, verbiage. It’s also taught me a new sense of awareness, that I’m always being watched, so I carry myself better because I know my sons emulate me.

Elliot John, 36, 3 Children

Elliot John, 36, 3 Children

What do you love about being a father?

What do you love about being a father?

What I love most about being a father is seeing my kids in good spirits. The fact they call me and spend all my money – I don’t even care! They always make me proud and tell me how much they love me.

What I love most about being a father is seeing my kids in good spirits. The fact they call me and spend all my money – I don’t even care! They always make me proud and tell me how much they love me.

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

The most rewarding part about being a dad is raising my kids in a good home. Now I’m getting ready to watch them grow into adulthood and become something in life. Knowing that I made a positive impact on my child’s life and helping them reach that next level in life. 

The most rewarding part about being a dad is raising my kids in a good home. Now I’m getting ready to watch them grow into adulthood and become something in life. Knowing that I made a positive impact on my child’s life and helping them reach that next level in life. 

What has fatherhood taught you?

What has fatherhood taught you?

Fatherhood has honestly taught me how to be a better person and a better father. Without my kids I honestly wouldn’t know what direction my life would go in. I’m glad they’re here because I learned so much from them and it helped shaped me to be the man I am today. I’m grateful for them.

Fatherhood has honestly taught me how to be a better person and a better father. Without my kids I honestly wouldn’t know what direction my life would go in. I’m glad they’re here because I learned so much from them and it helped shaped me to be the man I am today. I’m grateful for them.

William Morris IV, 35, One Child

William Morris IV, 35, One Child

What do you love about being a father?

What do you love about being a father?

I love knowing that I have someone looking up to me and depending on me to show her love. It gives me a deeper understanding on how to love and an added responsibility and motivation knowing I have my daughter depending on me.

I love knowing that I have someone looking up to me and depending on me to show her love. It gives me a deeper understanding on how to love and an added responsibility and motivation knowing I have my daughter depending on me.

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

What is the most rewarding part about being a father?

The most rewarding part is the joy I get from having her in my life. It’s rewarding getting to see her growth and evolution. 

The most rewarding part is the joy I get from having her in my life. It’s rewarding getting to see her growth and evolution. 

What has fatherhood taught you?

What has fatherhood taught you?

Fatherhood has taught me to be more patient in life. It taught me to try to understand people more instead of judging because we don’t know how other people were raised and brought up.

Fatherhood has taught me to be more patient in life. It taught me to try to understand people more instead of judging because we don’t know how other people were raised and brought up.

Bernard Smalls, 42, 1 Child

Bernard Smalls, 42, 1 Child

What do you love about being a father?

What do you love about being a father?

I love the responsibility of seeing that smile every morning when I come into the nursery to feed him. I love seeing that joy in his big ole eyes, and just bonding with him every day, building our father/son connection. 

I love the responsibility of seeing that smile every morning when I come into the nursery to feed him. I love seeing that joy in his big ole eyes, and just bonding with him every day, building our father/son connection. 

What is the most rewarding part about being a father? 

What is the most rewarding part about being a father? 

The newfound purpose that it has brought to my life. That same purpose is something that I didn’t know I wanted, and something I didn’t know I absolutely needed to better myself mentally. 

The newfound purpose that it has brought to my life. That same purpose is something that I didn’t know I wanted, and something I didn’t know I absolutely needed to better myself mentally. 

What has fatherhood taught you? 

What has fatherhood taught you? 

It has taught me to be a man on another level. It has taught me a love I never experienced before. Fatherhood has taught me how to be a better protector and partner to my girlfriend.

It has taught me to be a man on another level. It has taught me a love I never experienced before. Fatherhood has taught me how to be a better protector and partner to my girlfriend.

I never told the full truth when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. The only thing I really wanted to be was grown. I knew better than to say that though. My entire childhood had warned me against it. When I eavesdropped on my mom’s chats, I was told: “Stay out of grown folks’ conversation.” If I popped too much when I danced, I was being fast. Even something as small as the wrong nail polish color could come with a reprimand: “Stop trying to be grown.” 

Womanhood is not a battle easily won. I’ve achieved the archaic, patriarchal markers of getting married and having children and I still can’t pinpoint when I started feeling like a woman. 

Womanhood is not a battle easily won. I’ve achieved the archaic, patriarchal markers of getting married and having children and I still can’t pinpoint when I started feeling like a woman. 

It took me having a son to realize that while girls have to strive toward womanhood, the same is not true for boys and their manhood. 

It took me having a son to realize that while girls have to strive toward womanhood, the same is not true for boys and their manhood. 

At three-years-old, my son already calls himself a man.

At three-years-old, my son already calls himself a man.

I can see how he came to this conclusion. From infancy, he’s been his grandfather’s “little man,” his father’s “bro.” It’s endearing but I wonder if this default manhood leaves boys struggling to define what manhood truly is by the time they’re ready for the title. 

I can see how he came to this conclusion. From infancy, he’s been his grandfather’s “little man,” his father’s “bro.” It’s endearing but I wonder if this default manhood leaves boys struggling to define what manhood truly is by the time they’re ready for the title. 

We know all about the adultification that happens to Black children in the school system, by the criminal justice system and society at large. But there are ways our own intra-communal behaviors contribute to this phenomenon. Licensed marriage and family therapist Lamonte Coke explained why members of the Black community might use this language. 

We know all about the adultification that happens to Black children in the school system, by the criminal justice system and society at large. But there are ways our own intra-communal behaviors contribute to this phenomenon. Licensed marriage and family therapist Lamonte Coke explained why members of the Black community might use this language. 

“You want to say, ‘What’s up, lil man?’ because you want them to be tough, to be confident, to be able,” Coke explained. “You don’t necessarily say, “What’s up little softie?” But that’s what they are. What’s up, scary? What’s up, nervous? That’s the reality of a baby.”

“You want to say, ‘What’s up, lil man?’ because you want them to be tough, to be confident, to be able,” Coke explained. “You don’t necessarily say, “What’s up little softie?” But that’s what they are. What’s up, scary? What’s up, nervous? That’s the reality of a baby.”

Instead of placing these monikers on the children, it’s more realistic to make a distinction, allowing the boy to remain a child and the man to model healthy, adult-like behaviors. 

Instead of placing these monikers on the children, it’s more realistic to make a distinction, allowing the boy to remain a child and the man to model healthy, adult-like behaviors. 

“Call them my baby boy,” Coke says. 

“Call them my baby boy,” Coke says. 

Putting the label of man on a boy doesn’t allow the child to lean into the inherent softness and vulnerability of this stage. 

Putting the label of man on a boy doesn’t allow the child to lean into the inherent softness and vulnerability of this stage. 

“That’s why it’s hard for little boys to cry and be sensitive and emotional,” Coke said. “We don’t have a lot of Black men that nurture that.”

“That’s why it’s hard for little boys to cry and be sensitive and emotional,” Coke said. “We don’t have a lot of Black men that nurture that.”

I’d argue that as a society, we’re all a little unclear about what manhood is in the first place. This confusion has led to the all too frequent discussions about the “high value man.” It’s responsible for the ways in which men are still struggling to adjust to women– and particularly Black women– in positions of power. It shows up in the repetitive conversations we have around gender roles. Calling boys men only adds to the confusion.

I’d argue that as a society, we’re all a little unclear about what manhood is in the first place. This confusion has led to the all too frequent discussions about the “high value man.” It’s responsible for the ways in which men are still struggling to adjust to women– and particularly Black women– in positions of power. It shows up in the repetitive conversations we have around gender roles. Calling boys men only adds to the confusion.

“If you’re called a man, you’re not even given a chance to develop as a boy,” Coke said. 

“If you’re called a man, you’re not even given a chance to develop as a boy,” Coke said. 

Furthermore, the premature label isn’t rooted in anything real. 

Furthermore, the premature label isn’t rooted in anything real. 

For so many, manhood is based on false conceptions like money and sexual prowess. Boys who’ve been labeled men are susceptible to these traps. Boys who define masculinity through wealth may do dangerous things to acquire it. Even when money is earned righteously, problems arise if they are ever without it. 

For so many, manhood is based on false conceptions like money and sexual prowess. Boys who’ve been labeled men are susceptible to these traps. Boys who define masculinity through wealth may do dangerous things to acquire it. Even when money is earned righteously, problems arise if they are ever without it. 

“What happens when you don’t have money? Then what are you now?” Coke asks. “You didn’t understand what a man truly is. The foundational components of a man are not what his bank account looks like. That’s not what creates a man.”

“What happens when you don’t have money? Then what are you now?” Coke asks. “You didn’t understand what a man truly is. The foundational components of a man are not what his bank account looks like. That’s not what creates a man.”

The boys who believe sex makes them men are easy targets for sexual abuse at the hands of older individuals. Instead of recognizing this dynamic as abusive, a child with a warped sense of manhood can believe romance is characterized by manipulation and brokenness. 

The boys who believe sex makes them men are easy targets for sexual abuse at the hands of older individuals. Instead of recognizing this dynamic as abusive, a child with a warped sense of manhood can believe romance is characterized by manipulation and brokenness. 

In a society that struggles to define manhood outside of external influences and toxicity, we should allow Black boys the chance to enjoy childhood. If we assign labels too quickly it adds unnecessary pressure to be something that may not be who our children really are. The entire community suffers as a result. 

In a society that struggles to define manhood outside of external influences and toxicity, we should allow Black boys the chance to enjoy childhood. If we assign labels too quickly it adds unnecessary pressure to be something that may not be who our children really are. The entire community suffers as a result. 

Usually, boyhood idioms are used to allow boy children and even grown men to evade accountability and fairness. But when it comes to the way we label the Black boys in our families and communities, I’m going to evoke one we might want to reframe: Let the boys be boys.

Usually, boyhood idioms are used to allow boy children and even grown men to evade accountability and fairness. But when it comes to the way we label the Black boys in our families and communities, I’m going to evoke one we might want to reframe: Let the boys be boys.