Growing up as the child of a single mother, I watched my mom work miracles to create a magical Christmas each year. Now, as a single, co-parenting mother to a 12-year-old, I understand the pressure to give children the best holiday possible. I’m determined to create holiday magic for my daughter without exhausting myself or breaking the bank. Over time, I’ve developed strategies that combine cherished traditions from my childhood with my own parenting style. These tips can help you maintain your sanity while keeping the holiday spirit bright.

Simplify Tree Trimming

Simplify Tree Trimming

In my childhood, my father would bring my mom and me a fresh Christmas tree, leaving my mother to spend weeks cleaning up pine needles and untangling lights. I’ve simplified this tradition with a pre-lit synthetic tree that I can use year after year. If you prefer a classic Christmas aesthetic, this pre-lit 8-foot model has a traditional appeal.

In my childhood, my father would bring my mom and me a fresh Christmas tree, leaving my mother to spend weeks cleaning up pine needles and untangling lights. I’ve simplified this tradition with a pre-lit synthetic tree that I can use year after year. If you prefer a classic Christmas aesthetic, this pre-lit 8-foot model has a traditional appeal.

For something more avant-garde, consider this stunning pink tree with soft white lights.

For something more avant-garde, consider this stunning pink tree with soft white lights.

Don’t Break the Bank

Don’t Break the Bank

My mom often stretched herself financially at Christmas, trying to compensate for our small family celebrations. While I want my daughter to enjoy her gifts, I refuse to overextend myself. With prices higher than ever, being mindful of your holiday spending is crucial. Calculate your holiday expenses now—food, childcare, gifts, travel, decorations—and plan how you intend to pay for everything. Avoid mindless credit card use that could lead to headaches later. Be realistic about what you can afford this season and make the most of it.

My mom often stretched herself financially at Christmas, trying to compensate for our small family celebrations. While I want my daughter to enjoy her gifts, I refuse to overextend myself. With prices higher than ever, being mindful of your holiday spending is crucial. Calculate your holiday expenses now—food, childcare, gifts, travel, decorations—and plan how you intend to pay for everything. Avoid mindless credit card use that could lead to headaches later. Be realistic about what you can afford this season and make the most of it.

Set Expectations for Gift Giving

Set Expectations for Gift Giving

As a child, I usually received what I asked for during the holidays, but sometimes my wishes were beyond our means. I’m grateful my mother told me this upfront rather than letting me face Christmas morning disappointment. Setting clear gift expectations helps manage your child’s expectations and gives you more control over your holiday budget. If you can’t afford the expensive item your child wants, or if gifts will be more modest this year, have that conversation early. Gently explain what isn’t feasible right now. Ask your children to create wish lists with items you can realistically provide. For older kids (12+), consider setting a specific budget. Remind them that holidays are about gratitude and togetherness, not just receiving gifts.

As a child, I usually received what I asked for during the holidays, but sometimes my wishes were beyond our means. I’m grateful my mother told me this upfront rather than letting me face Christmas morning disappointment. Setting clear gift expectations helps manage your child’s expectations and gives you more control over your holiday budget. If you can’t afford the expensive item your child wants, or if gifts will be more modest this year, have that conversation early. Gently explain what isn’t feasible right now. Ask your children to create wish lists with items you can realistically provide. For older kids (12+), consider setting a specific budget. Remind them that holidays are about gratitude and togetherness, not just receiving gifts.

Lean on Your Village 

Lean on Your Village 

I watched my mother handle everything with minimal help during my childhood. I’ve chosen a different path by learning to rely on my community. Find ways to support fellow parents during the busy season—such as watching a neighbor’s child while they shop, and then trading childcare when you need to run errands. Don’t hesitate to ask for specific help, like having a friend assist with decorating or a family member handle pre-party tasks. While people don’t always offer support unprompted, many are surprisingly willing to help when asked directly.

I watched my mother handle everything with minimal help during my childhood. I’ve chosen a different path by learning to rely on my community. Find ways to support fellow parents during the busy season—such as watching a neighbor’s child while they shop, and then trading childcare when you need to run errands. Don’t hesitate to ask for specific help, like having a friend assist with decorating or a family member handle pre-party tasks. While people don’t always offer support unprompted, many are surprisingly willing to help when asked directly.

Co-Parent Thoughtfully

Co-Parent Thoughtfully

My childhood Christmases typically centered around my mother and me, with my dad visiting. My daughter’s experience is quite different—her father hosts his own family celebration, and I make sure she spends meaningful time with both of us. If you’re sharing your child’s holiday time, maintaining a peaceful relationship with your co-parent is essential. Communicate clearly about plans and stick to agreed schedules except in emergencies. Keep interactions cordial; your children likely sense any existing tension, but holiday celebrations shouldn’t be overshadowed by it. Coordinate gift-giving to avoid duplicates between households, which can lead to disappointment even if well-intended. Let your children express their feelings about splitting their time without criticism. Remember that your co-parent loves your children too and deserves holiday time with them. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself as you manage the emotions of being apart from your kids during the holidays.

My childhood Christmases typically centered around my mother and me, with my dad visiting. My daughter’s experience is quite different—her father hosts his own family celebration, and I make sure she spends meaningful time with both of us. If you’re sharing your child’s holiday time, maintaining a peaceful relationship with your co-parent is essential. Communicate clearly about plans and stick to agreed schedules except in emergencies. Keep interactions cordial; your children likely sense any existing tension, but holiday celebrations shouldn’t be overshadowed by it. Coordinate gift-giving to avoid duplicates between households, which can lead to disappointment even if well-intended. Let your children express their feelings about splitting their time without criticism. Remember that your co-parent loves your children too and deserves holiday time with them. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself as you manage the emotions of being apart from your kids during the holidays.

Focus on the Reason for the Season

Focus on the Reason for the Season

I admit that as a child, I focused more on presents than on the deeper meaning of Christmas. Remind your children—and yourself—that the true essence of the holidays doesn’t lie in expensive gifts or elaborate celebrations. The season is about connection, gratitude, and creating meaningful memories with loved ones. As you help your children shift away from materialistic expectations, take time to check in with yourself and possibly reset your own priorities. Focus on the simple joys that make this time of year special.

I admit that as a child, I focused more on presents than on the deeper meaning of Christmas. Remind your children—and yourself—that the true essence of the holidays doesn’t lie in expensive gifts or elaborate celebrations. The season is about connection, gratitude, and creating meaningful memories with loved ones. As you help your children shift away from materialistic expectations, take time to check in with yourself and possibly reset your own priorities. Focus on the simple joys that make this time of year special.

Prioritize Self-Care

Prioritize Self-Care

Seeing my mother exhaust herself year after year inspired me to prioritize self-care in my approach to motherhood, especially during the holidays. While “self-care” is mentioned frequently, it doesn’t need to involve elaborate spa days or time off. Sometimes it’s just finding a few quiet moments to reconnect with yourself. During the holiday rush, I often pull out my HoMetics Foot Spa for a relaxing soak when stress builds. Find small pleasures that make the season enjoyable for you: play ’90s R&B instead of holiday music if that’s your preference, wear your coziest sweater for mall shopping trips, or treat yourself to favorite Christmas cookies from a local café. Even ten minutes of personal time daily can make an enormous difference. You absolutely deserve that space.

Seeing my mother exhaust herself year after year inspired me to prioritize self-care in my approach to motherhood, especially during the holidays. While “self-care” is mentioned frequently, it doesn’t need to involve elaborate spa days or time off. Sometimes it’s just finding a few quiet moments to reconnect with yourself. During the holiday rush, I often pull out my HoMetics Foot Spa for a relaxing soak when stress builds. Find small pleasures that make the season enjoyable for you: play ’90s R&B instead of holiday music if that’s your preference, wear your coziest sweater for mall shopping trips, or treat yourself to favorite Christmas cookies from a local café. Even ten minutes of personal time daily can make an enormous difference. You absolutely deserve that space.

Instead, we might have to do a little more legwork to find healthcare providers who connect with, advocate for, and truly care about their patients.
For women aged 40 to 74—and sometimes a bit younger for Black women—that healthcare includes breast cancer screenings or mammograms every year.

What is breast cancer screening?

During a mammogram, a technologist places your breast on a plastic plate. Then, another plate is lowered on top of your breast, pressing it firmly. The plates flatten and hold the breast in place while an X-ray machine takes pictures of the breast tissue from the front and side. These images will reveal any growths in the tissue, which can later be evaluated to determine if they are cancerous.

These screenings are extremely important, as breast cancer is the most common cancer diagnosis for Black women—and we are 40 percent more likely to die from breast cancer than white women, according to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

The reason why these screenings are so vital is because the best bet for beating breast cancer is early detection.

For those of you who have yet to have your first mammogram or have not been consistent with them, here are some things you need to know:

Know the risk.

First, assess your risk. There are numerous factors that can help estimate your breast cancer risk, including age, family history, race, and the age when you began menstruating. Talk with your healthcare provider about your specific risk factors and develop a proactive plan for your health.

Distinguish fact from fiction.

Whether you’ve had a mammogram or not, there’s a good chance that you’ve heard about the experience from a friend or family member. The number one thing I’ve heard about them is that they’re painful. This prevalent notion may actually keep some women from having the procedure, attempting to avoid the unpleasant sensation. But diagnostic radiologist Dr. Kim Wright assures women that while there may be some discomfort, it is usually brief and manageable.

While some recommendations advise that women get a mammogram every two years, Wright says it’s important to screen for breast cancer annually. Cancer can develop in a year’s time, so it’s important to check annually and consistently.

There is a prevalent notion that mammograms expose you to so much radiation that the procedure itself can be unhealthy for your body. It is true that in order to collect X-rays, you need to use radiation. But the amount of radiation used in a mammogram is low and safe for a screening once a year.

Others believe that mammograms are only necessary when you’ve discovered something abnormal in your breasts. This is also a myth. Mammograms are proactive care. They help keep a record of what your breasts look like normally so that if anything new pops up, doctors can get a head start on investigati

Self-care is more than just bubble baths and massages. Pleasure is important and we should prioritize it, but true self-care is holistic and includes taking your health seriously. Black people have a long, fraught relationship with the healthcare system—and rightly so. Still, that doesn’t mean we can avoid the doctor entirely.

Instead, we might have to do a little more legwork to find healthcare providers who connect with, advocate for, and truly care about their patients.
For women aged 40 to 74—and sometimes a bit younger for Black women—that healthcare includes breast cancer screenings or mammograms every year.

What is breast cancer screening?

During a mammogram, a technologist places your breast on a plastic plate. Then, another plate is lowered on top of your breast, pressing it firmly. The plates flatten and hold the breast in place while an X-ray machine takes pictures of the breast tissue from the front and side. These images will reveal any growths in the tissue, which can later be evaluated to determine if they are cancerous.

These screenings are extremely important, as breast cancer is the most common cancer diagnosis for Black women—and we are 40 percent more likely to die from breast cancer than white women, according to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

The reason why these screenings are so vital is because the best bet for beating breast cancer is early detection.

For those of you who have yet to have your first mammogram or have not been consistent with them, here are some things you need to know:

Know the risk.

First, assess your risk. There are numerous factors that can help estimate your breast cancer risk, including age, family history, race, and the age when you began menstruating. Talk with your healthcare provider about your specific risk factors and develop a proactive plan for your health.

Distinguish fact from fiction.

Whether you’ve had a mammogram or not, there’s a good chance that you’ve heard about the experience from a friend or family member. The number one thing I’ve heard about them is that they’re painful. This prevalent notion may actually keep some women from having the procedure, attempting to avoid the unpleasant sensation. But diagnostic radiologist Dr. Kim Wright assures women that while there may be some discomfort, it is usually brief and manageable.

While some recommendations advise that women get a mammogram every two years, Wright says it’s important to screen for breast cancer annually. Cancer can develop in a year’s time, so it’s important to check annually and consistently.

There is a prevalent notion that mammograms expose you to so much radiation that the procedure itself can be unhealthy for your body. It is true that in order to collect X-rays, you need to use radiation. But the amount of radiation used in a mammogram is low and safe for a screening once a year.

Others believe that mammograms are only necessary when you’ve discovered something abnormal in your breasts. This is also a myth. Mammograms are proactive care. They help keep a record of what your breasts look like normally so that if anything new pops up, doctors can get a head start on investigati

Parenthood doesn’t come with a blueprint. It looks different for everyone, but if there’s one thing we can agree on, it is all-consuming. And if you don’t prioritize your mental health, it will affect how you parent.  

The old phrase “it takes a village to raise a child,” captures it best. Because when mommy or daddy need a break, together or apart, having a reliable sitter to drop off the kids is essential. Ann Arbor, Michigan native Melissa Hansberry knows the importance of the drop-off and taking time to decompress. 

The old phrase “it takes a village to raise a child,” captures it best. Because when mommy or daddy need a break, together or apart, having a reliable sitter to drop off the kids is essential. Ann Arbor, Michigan native Melissa Hansberry knows the importance of the drop-off and taking time to decompress. 

Melissa met her husband at their alma mater Clark Atlanta where they built the foundation of their relationship brick by brick. They both enjoy traveling and after graduation, they decorated their passports with stamps from over 10 countries. But it was the charm of Michigan, that made it undeniable where they would have to get married. 

Melissa met her husband at their alma mater Clark Atlanta where they built the foundation of their relationship brick by brick. They both enjoy traveling and after graduation, they decorated their passports with stamps from over 10 countries. But it was the charm of Michigan, that made it undeniable where they would have to get married. 

The restaurant where they wed is different now, but in a full circle moment, Melissa revisits the place they took their vows for an intimate dinner.

The restaurant where they wed is different now, but in a full circle moment, Melissa revisits the place they took their vows for an intimate dinner.

“We had dinner at the restaurant where we were married nine years ago. It’s just a special place for me because it’s where I grew up. It’s my home.”

“We had dinner at the restaurant where we were married nine years ago. It’s just a special place for me because it’s where I grew up. It’s my home.”

Where To Go After You’ve Dropped Off The Kids 

Where To Go After You’ve Dropped Off The Kids 

In her free time, Melissa likes to shop, catch a movie, visit the spa or stop by the local eateries for all of the Michigan must-haves. It’s a form of self-care for the loving mother. During our candid convo, she recommended a few spots that are more than enough to make anyone pack up and visit Michigan.

In her free time, Melissa likes to shop, catch a movie, visit the spa or stop by the local eateries for all of the Michigan must-haves. It’s a form of self-care for the loving mother. During our candid convo, she recommended a few spots that are more than enough to make anyone pack up and visit Michigan.

Puffer Reds

Puffer Reds

If you believe in retail therapy and are a self-proclaimed sneaker head, Puffer Reds, in Ypsilanti, will be the ultimate shopping destination for you. You’ll be ahead of the trends with the newest and hottest gear found at this local Black-owned gem. Between their unique kicks and swagged out apparel, these fab finds are irresistible purchases.  

If you believe in retail therapy and are a self-proclaimed sneaker head, Puffer Reds, in Ypsilanti, will be the ultimate shopping destination for you. You’ll be ahead of the trends with the newest and hottest gear found at this local Black-owned gem. Between their unique kicks and swagged out apparel, these fab finds are irresistible purchases.  

Bloom Wellness Spa

Bloom Wellness Spa

Treat yourself to The Bloom Wellness Spa in Ann Arbor where relaxation meets luxury. Because what better way is there to relax after dropping off the kids than the spa?

Treat yourself to The Bloom Wellness Spa in Ann Arbor where relaxation meets luxury. Because what better way is there to relax after dropping off the kids than the spa?

For Melissa, slowing down and “not feeling like everything is in a rush or everything has to get done” brings relief. “Sometimes there’s fun and excitement in having nothing to do,” she added. Which is why she loves visiting the spa with hubby. And Ann Arbor’s Bloom Wellness has a unique touch that makes all other places unable to compete. From their phenomenal massages to deprivation tank that lets your drift into peace and stillness, it’s the perfect place to quiet the mind and relax the body. 

For Melissa, slowing down and “not feeling like everything is in a rush or everything has to get done” brings relief. “Sometimes there’s fun and excitement in having nothing to do,” she added. Which is why she loves visiting the spa with hubby. And Ann Arbor’s Bloom Wellness has a unique touch that makes all other places unable to compete. From their phenomenal massages to deprivation tank that lets your drift into peace and stillness, it’s the perfect place to quiet the mind and relax the body. 

ZANA

ZANA

Drop off the kids and prepare for a night out. Good eats meet good vibes at the swanky Zana restaurant in Birmingham, MI. With a robust drink menu, led by award-winning Mad Mixologist Anthony Escalante, you’ll be transported to a romantic scene under mood lighting and pleasing aesthetic. Chef Benjamin Zemach sprinkled his signature flavor on the savory American menu with European flair. This location is even more special for Melissa, as this is where she was married. The venue space was converted to this delicious haven, but maintained the private space in the back where Melissa and hubby shared their vows. 

Drop off the kids and prepare for a night out. Good eats meet good vibes at the swanky Zana restaurant in Birmingham, MI. With a robust drink menu, led by award-winning Mad Mixologist Anthony Escalante, you’ll be transported to a romantic scene under mood lighting and pleasing aesthetic. Chef Benjamin Zemach sprinkled his signature flavor on the savory American menu with European flair. This location is even more special for Melissa, as this is where she was married. The venue space was converted to this delicious haven, but maintained the private space in the back where Melissa and hubby shared their vows. 

A Few Honorable Mentions

A Few Honorable Mentions

Zingerman’s

Zingerman’s

“I know what you’re thinking. I didn’t drop off the kids to get a deli sandwich. But oh, the contrary, peacefully eating a delicious sub without interruption is indeed self-care,” Melissa insists. Zingerman’s doesn’t make just any sandwiches; they make headlines with their delicious eats. This historic and award-winning Delicatessen is a fixture in the community drawing the attention from foodies near and far.

“I know what you’re thinking. I didn’t drop off the kids to get a deli sandwich. But oh, the contrary, peacefully eating a delicious sub without interruption is indeed self-care,” Melissa insists. Zingerman’s doesn’t make just any sandwiches; they make headlines with their delicious eats. This historic and award-winning Delicatessen is a fixture in the community drawing the attention from foodies near and far.

According to Melissa, “It’s really flavorful and the kind of destination that people come from all over the state to get. It’s one of the most famous places to eat.”

According to Melissa, “It’s really flavorful and the kind of destination that people come from all over the state to get. It’s one of the most famous places to eat.”

Gallup Park

Gallup Park

Michigan is full of serene green areas like Gallup Park to catch up on some quiet time while the kids are away. This popular Ann Arbor recreation area is located on the Huron River and Geddes Pond, and bridges other small islands via scenic walkways. Reconnect with nature and yourself along one of the mile long trails perfect for walking, running, jogging or roller blading. 

Michigan is full of serene green areas like Gallup Park to catch up on some quiet time while the kids are away. This popular Ann Arbor recreation area is located on the Huron River and Geddes Pond, and bridges other small islands via scenic walkways. Reconnect with nature and yourself along one of the mile long trails perfect for walking, running, jogging or roller blading. 

Veteran’s Memorial Park

Veteran’s Memorial Park

Day dates with yourself or your partner are needed. Whether you’re visiting alone or with a loved one, Veteran’s Memorial Park is a local attraction that draws in thousands of people for a glimpse at its breathtaking fountains. On the other end of the park, you can pay respects to those who served the country at one of the memorials on the other end.

Day dates with yourself or your partner are needed. Whether you’re visiting alone or with a loved one, Veteran’s Memorial Park is a local attraction that draws in thousands of people for a glimpse at its breathtaking fountains. On the other end of the park, you can pay respects to those who served the country at one of the memorials on the other end.

While Michigan is home for Melissa, she advocates it to be somewhere that everyone should experience. “It creates a charm, synergy, and just lasting impact on your heart. Whether the history, the sites or hidden gems it can bring out such a great mood.”

While Michigan is home for Melissa, she advocates it to be somewhere that everyone should experience. “It creates a charm, synergy, and just lasting impact on your heart. Whether the history, the sites or hidden gems it can bring out such a great mood.”

A Reflective Reset

A Reflective Reset

Melissa is able to lean on her partner and vice versa – and while they prioritize alone time, quality time helps them both function as better parents. 

Melissa is able to lean on her partner and vice versa – and while they prioritize alone time, quality time helps them both function as better parents. 

“Making time for each other is still top priority. We don’t skip over that. It was us before it was, us with our daughter. And do not mean that in a way that’s disrespectful to our child, but just in a way that’s kind of like when we make time for our marriage and our relationship then we do so much better as a family and we’re so much happier as a family.”

“Making time for each other is still top priority. We don’t skip over that. It was us before it was, us with our daughter. And do not mean that in a way that’s disrespectful to our child, but just in a way that’s kind of like when we make time for our marriage and our relationship then we do so much better as a family and we’re so much happier as a family.”

Being on the same page has allowed Melissa and her husband’s marriage to thrive.

Being on the same page has allowed Melissa and her husband’s marriage to thrive.

“If I’m neglecting my self-care or if my husband is, we can tell it by our attitudes – by how we respond to one another, by our communication, by how we’re getting along. Like, he can tell, if I’m more irritable, I’m irritable with [our daughter] I’m more just combative,” she explained.

“If I’m neglecting my self-care or if my husband is, we can tell it by our attitudes – by how we respond to one another, by our communication, by how we’re getting along. Like, he can tell, if I’m more irritable, I’m irritable with [our daughter] I’m more just combative,” she explained.

“That time for us to recharge just makes us get on the same page. It not only helps our relationship, but I think it helps us be better parents and be on the same page about how we parent her.”

“That time for us to recharge just makes us get on the same page. It not only helps our relationship, but I think it helps us be better parents and be on the same page about how we parent her.”

What does self-care look like? It doesn’t always look the way I’d like it to look, but I make it work. The ideal self-care day, for me, would be a day of absolute relaxation. No requests from anyone — spending the entire day at an all-inclusive resort on an island with some unadulterated fun, accompanied by a mild cigar and a smooth cocktail.

IDEAL SCENARIO: Specifically, The Royalton in Saint Lucia with its flavorful dining options and tranquil spa; an Ashton Magnum cigar with tasting notes of cream and coffee bean; and a whiskey sour made with Sir Davis Whiskey, if I had it my way.

IDEAL SCENARIO: Specifically, The Royalton in Saint Lucia with its flavorful dining options and tranquil spa; an Ashton Magnum cigar with tasting notes of cream and coffee bean; and a whiskey sour made with Sir Davis Whiskey, if I had it my way.

However, with a family comprised of two adults, two children under 3, and two English bulldogs, the work feels as if it is never done. Self-care is 5 a.m. workouts, being that there aren’t home or work demands at that ungodly hour.

However, with a family comprised of two adults, two children under 3, and two English bulldogs, the work feels as if it is never done. Self-care is 5 a.m. workouts, being that there aren’t home or work demands at that ungodly hour.

DAD HACK: I just hop on my Peloton bike or treadmill to get the day started by moving my body.

DAD HACK: I just hop on my Peloton bike or treadmill to get the day started by moving my body.

Self-care is starting therapy prior to the birth of your first child and increasing the appointment frequency upon expectation of your second child — knowing how tough the adjustment was the first time — and making sure you stay ahead of it.

Self-care is starting therapy prior to the birth of your first child and increasing the appointment frequency upon expectation of your second child — knowing how tough the adjustment was the first time — and making sure you stay ahead of it.

DAD HACK: Rula was extremely useful in the process of finding my therapist, and Rula partners with many of the major insurance companies — mine being one — which was a plus for me!

DAD HACK: Rula was extremely useful in the process of finding my therapist, and Rula partners with many of the major insurance companies — mine being one — which was a plus for me!

Self-care is realizing that the brain has an interesting way of curating stories, but it is our responsibility to discern whether to subscribe to the narrative or not. Life is going to look different than your “normal” once you become a father. The expectations you set for yourself professionally and personally need to be rooted in reality and attuned to be in alignment with your new “normal.” Bidding farewell to your old routines and accepting that life doesn’t look like what it did in the past — and that’s fine. Essentially, being malleable and embracing the lifestyle changes associated with fatherhood. Finding quiet moments is a delight when the opportunity presents itself, even if it’s you sitting on the toilet a little longer than you need to.

Self-care is realizing that the brain has an interesting way of curating stories, but it is our responsibility to discern whether to subscribe to the narrative or not. Life is going to look different than your “normal” once you become a father. The expectations you set for yourself professionally and personally need to be rooted in reality and attuned to be in alignment with your new “normal.” Bidding farewell to your old routines and accepting that life doesn’t look like what it did in the past — and that’s fine. Essentially, being malleable and embracing the lifestyle changes associated with fatherhood. Finding quiet moments is a delight when the opportunity presents itself, even if it’s you sitting on the toilet a little longer than you need to.

Self-care is finding refuge in your wife and your community — having honest, vulnerable, and transparent conversations about how you are feeling and faring with parenthood at any given moment. I find myself trying to carry the weight of the world alone, as if I must, but that’s just my brain doing that thing again. Fortunately for me, I don’t have to. With the love, understanding, and everlasting support of my wife — in addition to the accessibility and guidance of the community I have established, comprised of several other Black fathers — an outlet is almost always accessible to me. It is important to surround yourself with people that can relate to where you are and that are equipped with the tools to support you. Sometimes advice is sought, other times it’s just for someone to hear you — and most of the time, it’s a cigar at the local smoke lounge or drinks and great eats at a restaurant, where we do not bring the kids.

Self-care is finding refuge in your wife and your community — having honest, vulnerable, and transparent conversations about how you are feeling and faring with parenthood at any given moment. I find myself trying to carry the weight of the world alone, as if I must, but that’s just my brain doing that thing again. Fortunately for me, I don’t have to. With the love, understanding, and everlasting support of my wife — in addition to the accessibility and guidance of the community I have established, comprised of several other Black fathers — an outlet is almost always accessible to me. It is important to surround yourself with people that can relate to where you are and that are equipped with the tools to support you. Sometimes advice is sought, other times it’s just for someone to hear you — and most of the time, it’s a cigar at the local smoke lounge or drinks and great eats at a restaurant, where we do not bring the kids.

Self-care may look different amongst fathers, but it is imperative to ensure that you are at your best so that your little person or little people engage with the finest version of you. Recharging is necessary for us too — because, like our phones, operating on power save mode will keep the lights on but reduce performance and limit our most favorable features.

Self-care may look different amongst fathers, but it is imperative to ensure that you are at your best so that your little person or little people engage with the finest version of you. Recharging is necessary for us too — because, like our phones, operating on power save mode will keep the lights on but reduce performance and limit our most favorable features.