Title: My Father’s Best Advice

Written By: Ambriea Meadows - Fernandez

I recently realized that my father's voice is one of the voices that stays in the back of my head. My relationship with my father isn’t perfect, but he has provided several of the most influential pieces of advice I’ve ever heard. I know my dad has been through many life-altering challenges. Seeing how he develops takeaways to make sense of his experiences inspires me. His reframes provide a wealth of wisdom that I hold for myself and pass to my children. 

If we pay attention, we can learn countless lessons from our parents. Here are a few of my father's best advice or lessons over the years. We’d love to hear yours, too.

I’m Sorry Means “I’ll Never Do It Again.”

My father is adamant that you shouldn’t repeatedly apologize for the same harm. He believes that if you find yourself saying sorry for the same behavior multiple times, you’re likely not sorry. The underlying wisdom in this quote is that an authentic apology requires acknowledgment and changed behavior instead of empty words. It taught me how to interact with people, the importance of showing up better, and what to look for when setting boundaries with loved ones. 

Don’t Ruin Something Perfect By Changing It.

My dad often said, “If you add something to something that’s already perfect, you’re taking something away.” As a child experimenting with makeup, I was incredibly frustrated that my image never showed up how I wanted it to, and I never looked like the other girls; the intention of this message wasn’t clear. 

Now that I have my children, this lesson resonates with me. The lesson is that I was gorgeous as is, and you can unintentionally remove the things that make you unique while striving for perfection. Since then, I have done my best to lean into the qualities that make me unique, including my individualized beauty. 

Another Day In Paradise.

Long before I knew the word mindfulness, my father would say, “Another day in paradise,” when someone asked how he was doing. During my rebellious years, this felt like nonsense. How could anyone have joy, let alone a feeling of paradise, in this incredibly broken and frustrating world?

I learned more about Eastern philosophy, mindfulness, and medication with time. It gave important context to my father's words. My father was not saying that life is free of complications. He was claiming control of his sense of peace. That’s available to all of us if we try it.

Don’t Expect A Dog To Act Like A Cat.

This one sounds silly at first. It means that you should always expect people to act within the realms of their character. Each of us has unique and individualized qualities as human beings. When we’re mindful of each other's authentic character, we’re less likely to hold standards for the people in our lives that go against who they are.

This expression is his take on the Maya Angelo quote: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

I Don’t Regret My Mistakes.

Lastly, my father taught me not to regret my mistakes or imperfections because they led us to who we are today. This is a reminder to practice self-compassion in life and parenting.