What Does it Mean to "Thrive" While Black and Parenting?

Written By: Ambreia Meadows-Fernandez

Are you “thriving” or just getting by?

You're not alone if this feels like a loaded question. We rarely hear discussions on thriving Black families. Too often, “thriving” is associated with financial or material success. The examples we see are one-dimensional (often white and Western), overlook cultural differences, and ignore how racism and other forms of discrimination impact our health and wellness.

But thriving is so much more than your bank account balance. It's time we create a more expansive definition of “thriving” that considers our culture and experiences.

Here are some questions to help!

Am I living according to my values?

Everyone has an opinion about what thriving and success should look like for you. But thriving should be based on you and your family's needs, not public opinion.

If that question feels too big, asking, "Does my life feel good?" might feel more accessible. Both questions help you explore contentment, metrics of success, and overall happiness. The questions encourage you to look at your life and decide how you'd like it to feel.

There are resources offering examples of common values. Once you know your values, assessing whether you're in alignment is easier. Sometimes, we find we’re not actually thriving; we’re just successful at parroting others' values.

Am I connected to a nourishing community?

There is a reason we say it takes a village to raise a child. But that expression overlooks the importance of a village for supporting parents, too. When you feel connected to a supportive community where you can show up authentically, you have the tools to keep going when life is overwhelming.

Being in community is also a chance to explore how you show up for your family. Do your kids or partner feel comfortable talking to you or reaching out when they need help? Can they trust you to be there for them in hard times?

Have I dedicated time to healing?

As you explore, you may realize you have to heal from some traumatic moments. Therapy, journaling, and chats with loved ones are valid ways to reflect on your journey. They’re also great ways to notice your growth toward where you want to be.

But check-ins with yourself are most important to know if you're truly progressing on your healing journey. Observing and noting your reactions, triggers, and moments of discomfort can tell you more about your pain points than any external source.

Have I embraced my imperfections?

Lastly, personal growth matters when you hope to thrive. At the same time, accepting our imperfections as part of our humanity is the best way to heal. There’s so much pressure to change, evolve, and be different. Accepting who we are at each stage is an underacknowledged aspect of thriving. Embracing your imperfections shows your children that they deserve to love themselves at every stage, not just when they reach the mountaintop.