Parents Need Love: Finding Strength in the Battle - Sara’s Journey
Written By: Danielle Canada
Sara Lovestyle has experienced highs and lows that would make for a page-turning tome. The L.A.-based influencer/entrepreneur enjoys creating content that enchants the Internet, but unbeknownst to some, her greatest creations emerged in her 20s within 17 months of each other.
Sara is a proud mom of two boys whom in the present day she likens to “reflections of her healed self.” Before that level was reached, however, a pregnant Sara embarked on a winding road to motherhood that she thought she was prepared for before reality took the wheel.
"I was the best mother before I had a child," she candidly tells ParentsNeedLove. “I had motherhood on lock, but that is not what happened at all. I had my oldest at 23 and it was a journey.”
Part of that journey was a prenatal diagnosis suggesting Down syndrome that cast a shadow of ambiguity over Sara's pregnancy. Despite the eventual revelation that her son didn't have Downs, it marked the start of another journey altogether.
"Something was very wrong,” says Sara while reflecting on her baby boy missing milestones.
Despite medical professionals dismissing her concerns as they do of so many Black moms, after some rightful pressing on Sara’s part, her son was given an autism diagnosis, accompanied by nonverbalism and epilepsy.
The news sent her swimming into entirely uncharted territory, but instead of panicking while in that sea of uncertainty, Sara grasped onto surrender and used it as a floatation device to pull her into acceptance’s safety net.
“My journey to motherhood is quite different than everyone else's. Mine required immediate surrender,” says Sara. “Surrendering this entire journey of motherhood to whatever it is.”
“Whatever it was”, also included something else unprecedented.
Just six days post-delivery, Sara suffered a heart attack, something her mom saw coming despite doctors and nurses thinking otherwise.
“Thank God for a mother's intuition,” Sara told ParentsNeedLove. “They're checking me out and they're getting ready to send me home, and I have a heart attack there in the ER. So, I spend the next two weeks after my son's born in the hospital.”
Years later with her son's diagnosis and her own health scare behind her, Sara found herself grappling with the need to grieve the life she envisioned. Luckily for her, a therapist's words granted her permission to acknowledge and heal from the unexpected without guilt.
“It was the first time someone gave me permission [to grieve],” Sara explains underscoring the immense love she harbors for her children despite the unforeseen complexities. “It's not that I was upset, I wasn't mad. It wasn't a, ‘Why me?’ I can tell you with every fiber of my being, there is no other role that I was made for than motherhood.
“I love, love being a mother,” she adds. “But also, when you're pregnant, when you have a baby, you have this life that you imagine for yourself and for them. And when that does not occur, it's quite a shift.”
“It was never, ever a, ‘Why me?’” She adds. “It was a, ‘What do I do with this? And what is the purpose? Or what's the purpose of this? And where can I go from here, for him and for me, to give him the best full life that I can provide him?’
But it wasn't until she [my therapist] told me it was okay to grieve it that I could heal. And he was probably about five when she told me that.”
Sara’s motherhood journey has been full of transitions. She transitioned from being a married stay-at-home mom to a single entrepreneur and host.
While juggling all of the above, Sara told ParentsNeedLove that self-care is a non-negotiable in her life, especially after experiencing bouts of burnout.
“I forgot to take care of myself and I was burning out every couple of months,” says Sara. “And in the midst of all that, I was going through an awful divorce and showing up on the internet every single day. And while I was doing that, I'm like, ‘If I don't take care of myself, something is going to happen.’”
With that, Sara cares for herself with a five-day-a-week fitness routine, spa retreats, meditation, and quality time with friends.
“I can't be the best mother at 70% with my tank being at 20% or 30%,” she says. “I work so much, but I have to fill my tank with conversations that are fulfilling to my soul and to my spirit and to my mind.”
That refueling helps Sara parent her two boys with a blend of authoritative guidance and open communication.
"I am your parent, not your friend," she asserts tracing that notion to the African household she was raised in. “But also I'm raising black sons in the United States. And so, it's making sure that they learn.”
Sara also says she believes in the significance of setting boundaries while nurturing dialogue thus why her parenting philosophy is rooted in ensuring her sons have emotional intelligence.
“Make sure they don't need therapy because of me," she says with a laugh about that being her motherhood goal. “I don't want to raise children, especially men, who have zero emotional intelligence and can't communicate their thoughts and their feelings and can't communicate it well.”
Ultimately, Sarah hopes her story serves as a testament to parents that they can endure (and embrace) the unexpected while loving their children along the way.
“I am not in control, I don't control a darn thing,” she says. “It's not that I'm doing it right all the time, but the fact if these are the people that I raised, then I'm good. If I do absolutely nothing else in my life, I'm good.”
*Photos via Jess Koehler Photography*