Effective Tips On How To Coparent During The Holidays

 
And just like that, the holidays are upon us. ’Tis the season for family gatherings, gift giving, and mouth-watering feasts. The holidays are a reminder to be thankful for family, friends, and the blessings over the year while giving back to spread that joy.

And if you have children, you know how important it is to feed their imagination through festive activities like trimming the tree or leaving cookies for Santa. Whatever your beliefs, practices, or religion, the end of the year is about reflection and spending quality time with loved ones.

Family can be biological, chosen, or blended. According to ParentClassesOnline.com, “Approximately 15,086,000 children under the age of 18 in the United States live exclusively with their mothers.” And “Approximately 3,054,000 children under the age of 18 in the United States live exclusively with their fathers.”

While the majority of children live with mom, that doesn’t mean dad isn’t present (or vice versa). That’s where coparenting comes in.

“All of the research and statistics overwhelmingly demonstrate that children need both parents fully engaged in their upbringing and lives,” explained Dr. Joel N. Myers, founder of Dads’ Resource Center.

If your family falls in that bracket, it’s essential to practice healthy coparenting behavior over the holidays.

“The hardest part about coparenting during holidays is splitting time to ensure the child can see both sides,” explained Alyssa Bigbee, 36. “Dad gets Thanksgiving and I get Christmas, which gets tough because sometimes I’ll have things I want to do and vice versa. But that’s where communication comes into play where we will try to work out splitting times. One year I had Christmas morning and he had Christmas evening.”

She added, “A big component to co-parenting to me has been communication and compromise. After divorcing it was important for us to both recognize we both want the best for our child—we just needed to be clear on how we each defined that and move from there.”

For Mattie Reynolds, 34, and mom of two, effective co-parenting is about “communication, understanding, and respect.”

What has been a key component to co-parenting for you?
It’s not about us or our feelings; it’s about what gives our children stability, love, and the best version of family—even though we’re no longer together. Healthy co-parenting means letting go of ego and focusing on teamwork. Our shared goal has always been to raise grounded, joyful, loved kids who feel connected to both sides of their family.

What’s the hardest part about co-parenting during the holidays?
Honestly? Figuring out who’s getting them! Ha! It’s always a balancing act of time, travel, and traditions. For the most part, they’re with me during Thanksgiving and I go all out. I cook a full feast that blends my West African roots with Southern comfort: jollof rice, cornbread dressing, mac and cheese, fried plantains, greens, and sweet potato pie. Thanksgiving is my love language—our time to slow down, laugh, and just be present.

Christmas is where we alternate. One year they wake up with me, and the next with their dad. His family is Afro Panamanian and African American, and they celebrate with such joy—matching pajamas, soulful and reggae music playing, gifts being opened all together, and the smell of good food everywhere. My side brings that West African flair—bold flavors, Afrobeats/Coupé-Décalé, prayer, and a deep sense of gratitude.

Last year the kids spent Christmas Eve and morning with me, then joined their dad later in the day for his family’s celebration. It’s a rich cultural blend, and I love that our children get to experience both worlds.

What advice would you give to other co-parents about co-parenting during the holidays?
Stay focused on what makes the holidays feel special for your kids. It’s not about keeping score—it’s about creating peace and joy. Communicate early, stay flexible, and remember that the best gift you can give your children is harmony between their parents. I’ll give him his credit—he’s the master of the calendar. He’ll usually share his plans months in advance, and honestly, that level of organization helps everything go smoother.

What is one major tip you’d give to someone else about co-parenting?
Lead with grace. You can’t control what the other parent does, but you can control your peace. Choose calm over chaos, and keep your children’s emotional well-being front and center. Co-parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about partnership in purpose. When you lead with love and maturity, your kids will always feel secure, no matter how the structure of your family looks.