I Don’t Want My Kids to Remember Me as the Mom Who Was Always Rushing

It’s 6am on Tuesday and my bedroom door creeps open as my daughter’s tiny footsteps inch closer and closer to my edge of the bed. She crawls up into the crooks of my side body and reaches for some of the big comforter. 

“Goodmorning Mommy,” she whispers as her cold little fingers find mine. I brace myself for the kiddie morning breath gliding through the air and we cuddle for approximately however long my brain can manage without thinking about every minute we lose of the “getting ready” marathon we do before the bus arrives at the corner at 6:55am. Mr. B values punctuality and I ain’t mad at it, but dang that bus comes early in the mornings.

Recently, I started wondering what my children were experiencing on the other side of all my rushing. It inspired me to slow down just a bit. I don’t want them to remember me as the Mom who was always rushing. 

Some mornings it feels like a set of explosives are waiting for me by the door. In my mind, I’m racing against the clock to find a pair of socks that actually match out the dresser, and to attach the sparkling hair clips to the bottom of the braids. If I don’t get the kids dressed and out the house fast enough, the imaginary explosives are going to burn my house down to the ground. 

I don’t even know who set up these explosives in my house, but in hindsight I don’t think they’re doing anyone any favors. I’m not sure when moving through the day became more important than experiencing it. People always tell us parents, “Enjoy it, it goes by fast.” With my house full of 13, 6, 3 and 3 month old children, I’m confident I’m in the middle of the days people say go by fast, so why am I rushing it even more?

There are so many expectations placed on modern parents. From keeping kids in the most engaged extracurriculars, to dressing in the latest ecofriendly styles, our parenting to do lists are extensive. Aside from the physical health and safety of the children, we’ve also got to throw in household management, career aspirations and our own mental, physical and emotional wellbeing. It’s so easy to feel like you’re behind even when you’ve accomplished a lot in one day.

My best friend told me a few weeks ago to lower my expectations of my Saturdays. She said if I woke up, brushed my teeth and drank some water I would win the day. In this season, I really needed to hear that.

If you’re feeling hypercritical about rushing your kids out the house lately, it’s important to remember that you aren’t rushing because you don’t love your children. You’re more likely rushing because you care about so many things at once.

Redefining what it means to be present

Before the holidays creep up on us, I want to make it a point to redefine what it means for me to be present in my kids childhood. How can I be in the moment for the bath routine this evening? How can our prep for the school bus tomorrow morning be more enjoyable? What can I do throughout the week to give myself space to simply be with my family this weekend?

Being present doesn’t mean having endless patience, never getting frustrated, or giving your children undivided attention every minute of the day.

It might mean:

• Making eye contact when your child tells you a story.
• Allowing five extra minutes for a moment that matters.
• Putting your phone down during a conversation.
• Creating a slower bedtime ritual.
• Apologizing when stress comes out as impatience.
• Letting an unimportant task wait.

I want to explore the balance beam of having responsibilities and still making room for connection.

If you have hacks for building more breathing room into morning or evening routines or even being more intentional about transitions between work and family time, please let me know!

I know there will always be somewhere to go, something to finish, and another reason to hurry. I’m just learning that my children are growing up in the middle of all of it. I don’t want to spend so much time getting us through their childhood that I forget to be present for it.