POP’S POV: When a Child Is Born, So Is a Father

The birth of each of my children shifted so many aspects both internally and externally for me. It provoked a realignment of my identity, specifically a decline in self-centeredness associated with my goals. My perspective on success was redefined as my priorities were restructured with becoming a father. Almost immediately, there was a heightened urge to provide, protect, nurture, cultivate, and foster an environment of love for my children. There is a hyperfocus on making sure that the best decisions are made due to the implications for my children. I constantly remind myself that as I navigate the world, how I do so dictates how my children will.

The birth of my daughter encouraged me to be more patient, communicate with more tenderness, and to improve my awareness. Admittedly, it also incited a bit of fear. I am raising a Black girl that will one day be a Black woman in the world, and I will not always be there to protect her. By protecting her, I am not speaking exclusively about physical wellbeing but emotionally and equitably. Since having my daughter in my life, I am extremely cognizant of how I react and respond to her, cautious of how my actions or responses during our encounters may shape her life. My daughter calls for me to be a man with the ability to embrace and exude presentness, softness, playfulness, and gentleness. My daughter is my mirror and muse; she highlights my gifts and assures me of my resilience to overcome my shortfalls.

The birth of my son invoked feelings of pride, legacy, and self-reflection. My first thought was this is my son, and it is my responsibility to teach him to be the right kind of man. I am to share knowledge with him and teach him the skills that I believe will benefit him in life. I need to make it a point to emphasize the significance of emotional intelligence, self-control, and respect as a man. As my son’s roadmap to manhood, it is my responsibility to guide him healthily, balanced, and by example. The stakes are so much higher now, whether it be regarding my engagement with my wife, my daughter, the people around me in general, or even how I navigate conflict, being that my son has a front-row seat, watching and learning based on my actions. My son is my student and shadow, observing the things that I say but more importantly the things that I do. My son prompts me to always reflect: am I being the type of man that I want him to become?

The fullness of fatherhood is found in my children’s ability to endorse growth within and beyond myself and to call for me to live with a greater sense of being intentional. The birth of a child, boy or girl, is an experience engrained with love, accountability, and heritage. While my daughter softens aspects of my identity, my son sharpens aspects of my identity, and collectively my children are the perfect complement to the man I am.