ABOVE ALL LOVE: FINDING ROMANCE WHEN THE KIDS ARE HOME

Written By: Aaron Arnold Paxton

Will & Eunika Ayers

In part three of our ABOVE ALL LOVE: FINDING ROMANCE WHEN THE KIDS ARE HOME we chatted with Will, a Senior Technology Brand-Marketing executive and his wife Eunika, a middle school Assistant Principal. Their love story began in college, at Florida A&M University, over a decade ago and five years ago, they welcomed their son, Apollo, into the world. The name, Apollo, is fitting because already, at 5-years-old, he's keenly intelligent, fearless, active and curious. During the zoom call with Will, I witnessed Apollo darting back & forth, in the background…peaking around the corner, waiting for the perfect time to insert himself into his Dad’s conversation. 

So how do two professional, ambitious parents with extremely demanding work schedules balance the attention warranted by their child and also find time to insert romance into their marriage? While every couple is different these two definitely dropped some honest gems that any couple with children can use. 

1.   Is it possible for couples to have strong romance and still balance the grind of parenting?

It’s definitely possible for couples to have a strong romantic relationship while balancing the busy schedule of parenting, but you have to be committed to making the time for it. Parenting can be exhausting at times when you add the fact that you also have a busy work schedule, so it’s important to carve out time to go out on dates, travel, spend quality time together, and just do the simple things that you did early on in the relationship that made it so great. 

2.   What are some of the challenges, as parents, you two have faced re: parenting and staying romantic? What solutions did or are you putting in place to solve those challenges?

Some of the challenges we’ve faced as a couple is making time for each other. Both of us have very ambitious career goals and our work schedules can be demanding at times. Sometimes all you want to do is come home, disconnect, and go to sleep…instead of being more intentional with spending quality time with your spouse. We’ve both been in our phases of working around the clock but we decided to be more intentional with making time for each other. 

3.   What does romance entail with or without the kids?

Romance can be a beautiful and fulfilling aspect of a relationship, whether you have kids or not. The import thing is that you be intentional and make time for your significant other, regardless of your busy schedule as a parent or professional. 

4. Some studies have romance depleting after becoming a parent and some studies have the romance increasing. Do you believe both kinds of studies have some level of accuracy? If so, why?

Both studies are probably accurate based on the couple. No couple or relationship is the same and there are many factors that ca

5. On a scale of 1-10, how integral is it to have some kind of support system? For example, do parents need family, friends that can watch the kids while Mom and Dad go out etc.?

Having a support system is very important and on a scale of 1-10, it’s probably a 9 or 10. It’s important because having family or friends that can watch your kid gives you an opportunity to spend more quality time together. In some cases, parents also just need a break from the daily grind of parenting. Being a parent is a lifetime commitment with a 24-hour a day work schedule, so having a support system around you enables you to recalibrate.

6. As parents…what are some fun, corky, silly things you and your partner implement to keep the romance going?

Our advice for parents is to just keep things fun and spontaneous. Just because you are married, it doesn’t mean you have to stop dating and courting each other. Make time for each other physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Go out on dates. Take romantic trips together. Have romantic dinners at the house. Compliment each other, flirt, and make slick comments to each other how you used to do when you first met or first started dating. Marriage doesn’t have to change anything or how you interact with each other, it’s an opportunity to keep the fire burning and take the “romantic vibes” to a new level.